Watching your crush get married can hurt. But things can always be worse! Seeing them uninvite you and then start blaming you for ruining their entire wedding can lead to so much stress that you don’t know what to do. Thankfully, the internet is there if you need to vent and ask for advice.
A woman turned to the AITA community for help after major BFF drama. Her childhood best friend became furious that his wedding began imploding right after he uninvited her. Now she’s unsure what to do. Scroll down for the full story and the internet’s advice.
Getting uninvited from your former crush's wedding can sting. It's even worse when they think you ruined everything
This woman asked for advice after sharing how her childhood BFF uninvited her and then blamed her for ruining his wedding
Broadly speaking, uninviting someone is emotionally messy and should be avoided whenever possible
It’s a tough situation for everyone involved. On the one hand, you don’t want to mess up your relationship with your childhood bestie. On the other hand, you want to do what’s right by your partner. And then there are all the catering logistics, contracts, and free favors to think about, too.
You’ll probably have to end up compromising on something. But ideally, you’d be able to diplomatically uninvite a guest without causing massive fallout. So, how do you do it? And should you even consider uninviting a guest in the first place?
At the end of the day, the wedding is yours, so you can do what you want. However, uninviting someone can be emotionally messy. It is best to think ahead. Try not to extend wedding invitations to anyone who you think might be problematic, make you or your partner uncomfortable, or whose relationship with you has changed for the worse. Even if you have the best reason in the world to uninvite someone, they will likely think it's rude and feel hurt.
“In today's modern world of ever-shifting guest lists, destination weddings and budget realities, it's no surprise that couples start second-guessing who gets a seat at the table. To uninvite a guest goes against the grain of good manners. Call me old school, but it's an etiquette misstep and with good reason. Once an invitation is extended, it's a social contract,” etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts told The Knot.
Under some circumstances, uninviting a guest is recommended. But you should be very careful how you approach this
In a nutshell, think about whether uninviting someone is worth the possible fallout. If you do end up uninviting a guest, do this ASAP in person or via phone call. According to wedding planner Lindsey Nickel, the decision has to involve the entire couple, not just one person.
If there are certain circumstances (mostly) outside of your control, like guest counts being too high or your budget changing, you can talk to your guest about downsizing. Your goal, no matter what, is to be as compassionate, kind, and clear as possible. Be gracious because your guest has done nothing wrong.
It’s both easier and tougher if the guest has actually done something wrong. There’s a lot more potential for drama, but you don’t need to be as friendly and caring. For instance, if they have done something absolutely horrible, they may know that they might realistically get uninvited. So, you don’t have to beat around the bush.
According to The Knot, you could tell them something along the lines of: “Given the current circumstances, your presence is no longer requested at our wedding celebration. Thank you for your understanding.”
Or you could tell them: “Due to the unforeseen situation, we will no longer be able to celebrate with you at our wedding on [date]. We are saddened by the circumstances, and we appreciate your understanding.”
Revenge might sound fun, but it is hardly worth it if you ever want to repair the relationship
According to Alison Cheperdak, founder of Elevate Etiquette, if you are the uninvited guest, it is fine to share your hurt feelings. She told Vogue that even if you suspect that you might get uninvited, it is okay to show interest in repairing the relationship.
If you genuinely wish the couple the best, you can get them a gift or card. “What’s not okay is to be vengeful. Gifts shouldn’t be given with any sort of strings attached or ulterior motives,” she told Vogue.
Ideally, as the uninvited guest, you’ll try to be the bigger person. This means being mature enough to accept what has happened with grace and understand that making the decision was probably difficult for the couple, too.
We want to hear from you, Pandas. Join the conversation in the comments and share your perspectives and experiences. What would you do if you were in the post author’s shoes?
Would you try to get your childhood BFF’s wedding back on track despite being uninvited, or would you let him face the consequences of his actions? Meanwhile, have you ever been uninvited from a wedding, or had to uninvite a guest for any reason? Let us know!
The story started going viral, and the author shared more details in the comments
People online had strong opinions to share. Most readers were strongly on the woman's side. Here's their take
Not everyone was on the same page, however. Here are some spicier perspectives
