13 Real Stories Exploring Whether Childfree People Regret Their Choice

Growing up, I always dreamed of getting married and having kids like everybody else. Despite living in a country where nobody had white picket fences, I yearned for that life too, along with a bunch of pets. After turning into a sullen teen, though, I started questioning the dreams I'd taken for granted and realized I didn’t want kids at all, and that my vision for life looked very different from what I'd imagined. The only problem was that I had never really heard of anyone being childfree by choice, even though current data says that they make up 23% of the global population. It had also been drilled into my head that folks who didn’t want kids always loved being parents the moment they had one of their own, which made it even harder to consider this a valid path. To this day, childfree people are viewed with a mix of suspicion for their “selfish” lifestyles and pity for apparently not having anybody to take care of them in their old age. This negative bias runs so deep that everyone with kids truly believes that this choice comes with a lot of regret. Although it can be hard to prove whether it's true or false, we at Bored Panda interviewed 11 childfree people of different ages and genders, plus 2 experts in the field, to get detailed personal insight into this choice. I hope more than anyone that kid-free folks are truly happy with their decision, but after reading this article, you can decide for yourself whether that’s a reality. Gustavo Fring / Pexels (not the actual photo) Most of us probably think the revolutionary idea of not having kids would be more prevalent in developed countries and less common in developing nations. Data collected between 2014 and 2023 on more than 2 million people, including 37,366 childfree people across 51 countries, found that this is true, but that poorer nations are definitely catching up. It was noted that Papua New Guinea had the highest number of childfree single women between the ages of 15 and 29, at 15.6%, while Liberia had the lowest prevalence at 0.3%. The study also found a strong link between a country's childfree population and its level of human development, which includes health, education, and standard of living. This means a single woman in a country like Chad, with a low Human Development Index, has an estimated childfree probability of around 1%, compared with 6% in a higher-HDI context like Türkiye. Getty Images / Unsplash In simple terms, one is a choice, and the other mostly happens involuntarily. Folks who decide not to have kids find joy in life without children and consciously choose this path because it fits their ideals, lifestyle, and personality. On the other hand, childfree people might have this experience thrust on them due to infertility, predisposition to miscarriages, lack of a steady partner, or simply passing by that stage of their lives. Research by the United States Census Bureau finds that nearly 15.2 million adults don’t have any biological children, some of whom could be childfree and some childless. The only issue is that folks who didn’t get the opportunity to have kids might experience a greater sense of grief or loss at having this path taken away from them. Vanessa Garcia / Pexels (not the actual photo) Nobody can know if they’ll enjoy being a parent until they become one, which makes this decision a true coin toss. According to communities like r/regretfulparents, which has more than 55k visitors, and I Regret Having Children with its 115k followers, even some folks with children wish they hadn’t gone down this path. They need these anonymous communities because, sometimes, coming clean about a feeling like that is heavily stigmatized and judged. In fact, parents are urged to keep reiterating how happy they are with their decision, and are not allowed to experience regrets. The problem is that nearly 8-17% of folks feel that parenthood is a burden, and research by Piotrowski K finds that regretting this lifestyle has been associated with increased stress and mental health issues. Interestingly, more people in Poland wish they didn’t have kids than in the US or Germany. Many of these regrets have been associated with the adult’s financial situation, marital issues, or even having a child with special needs. Since folks aren’t encouraged to speak up about these feelings, they might not get help, which can be painful and isolating. Nataliya Vaitkevich / Pexels (not the actual photo) Deciding to have a kid isn’t a split-second decision; it’s a big deal and requires a lot of thought and effort. That’s probably why folks who don’t want offspring really think through this choice, and Pew Research mentions that 31% of childfree people just don’t want to have little ones in the first place. They also found that 37% of folks chose this path because they wanted to focus on other things, 22% said they didn’t like children, and 20% cited concerns about the state of the world and the environment. People younger than 50 were also more likely to say they couldn’t afford to have a child, which put them off the choice. There can be many possible explanations for someone picking this lifestyle, and Zoë Noble, the founder of ‘We are Childfree,’ told us that what makes a person want to be kidfree is personal and specific to them. She mentioned: “We're not so different from parents in this way; for some of us, this is just who we are, and others arrived at the decision after a lot of deliberation. Whether it's because they don't feel equipped to be a parent, because there are other things they want to do with their life, for the sake of the planet and its people. Whatever the reason, we often say that no one's thought as much about whether or not to have children or not as the people who decide to be childfree!” We also reached out to Ali Higgins, who is a childfree woman and the co-founder and CEO of DINK Social, which helps kid-less couples build meaningful friendships and community. She mentioned that there isn't one universal reason people choose not to have children. It depends on everyone’s circumstances, priorities, and experiences. She shared: “I think one of the biggest misconceptions about childfree people is that we're choosing a life without something. In reality, many of us are choosing a life full of things we genuinely want. Whether that's travel, relationships, careers, friendships, personal passions, or simply having more control over our time, we're not necessarily looking at our lives as though something is missing. We're building lives that feel fulfilling to us, and that looks different for everyone!” Ketut Subiyanto / Pexels (not the actual photo) Everyone believes that as kid-free people get older, they’ll wish they had offspring to look after them, manage their expenses, and give them company. Studies on 981 Michigan adults actually found is that there are no differences in life satisfaction between childfree people and parents. So if that is the case, why do people believe folks without kids will be full of regrets and laments? According to Ali Higgins of DINK Social, “rarely do we ask people how they can be certain they'll never regret becoming parents. Both decisions shape the rest of your life! Yet only one decision is consistently expected to come with a defense.” She mentioned that many older adults who intentionally chose not to have children are incredibly happy with the lives they've built. “Of course, some people experience regret, but it's also important to distinguish between those who chose not to have children and those who wanted them but couldn't due to life circumstances. Ultimately, I think it's about knowing yourself and making the decision that's right for you, rather than one society expects you to make,” she added. Zoë Noble also explained that “we've spoken to hundreds of childfree people, and heard from thousands more, and none of them have expressed real regret about their decision. Some have moments of wondering ‘what if?’, maybe when friends start becoming parents, but everyone wonders about the road not taken, and parents do it too!” She mentioned that when they talk with childfree elders in their 70s and 80s, they are living proof that a life without children can be full, connected, and meaningful. “Being childfree goes against what’s expected of us; it’s rarely a decision anyone makes lightly. When you’ve thought about something that deeply, from every angle, you can trust the answer you arrive at,” she added. It is definitely hard for people with kids to fathom anyone not choosing that lifestyle, especially as folks get older. That’s why we interviewed people of different ages to see whether they regret the decision to remain childfree more or less over time. Isak Pettersson / Unsplash (not the actual photo) We reached out to Heather Delaney, who is an artist who writes about simple living and nomadism. She also shares a lot about her childfree choices at The Dirtbag Dao. She explained that her decision was simple, as she never wanted to have kids. She also shared many logistical reasons it worked for her, including total freedom, extra time, flexibility to explore her full potential, being nomadic for years, living off-grid in the mountains, and being a full-time artist. She told us, “I also deeply value the lighter environmental impact that comes from being childfree. I can limit my own consumption and leave more for the rest of the world. I am contributing to human population decline, and that's something I'm proud of because I hope it can lead to more equally accessible resources for people in the future.” “At 37 years old, I continue to be amazed at how life keeps getting better year after year. I have zero regrets being childfree, and it is a choice I am grateful for every day. I feel like I can contribute to my community more and have so much space and energy for continuing to learn and grow. I also revel in all the childfree clichés like going on long international trips with my childfree friends, spoiling my dog rotten, and, of course, sleeping in! Slow mornings are sacred,” she shared. Thirdman / Pexels (not the actual photo) Mandy Mercy GK, aged 40, who is the author of ‘No Kidding: The Childfree Choice Defended’ and a YouTube content creator on ‘Life Without Kids’, told us, “Right now, in this economy, having a child is like voluntarily lighting your bank account on fire every single day for 18 years.” She explained that diapers, daycare, doctor visits, education, food, piano lessons, soccer, ballet, chess club, and therapy are the never-ending costs associated with having a tiny human. “Meanwhile, my biggest expense is whether I want to splurge on the fancy oat milk at the grocery store. When I go to a restaurant, I order the extra guacamole without a second thought. Parents, on the other hand, are out here calculating how many diapers they can buy if they don’t get an appetizer. No, thank you.” “Call me selfish, but I really enjoy getting eight hours of sleep, not just some nights, but every night. Unlike parents, I don’t live in fear of being woken up at 3 am. by a tiny, ominous figure standing next to my bed whispering, ‘Mommy, I threw up.’ My nights are peaceful, my mornings are leisurely, and the only person waking me up is my alarm clock,” she added. We also reached out to 48-year-old Toni, who currently lives in Ireland with her dog, her cat, and her parents, and runs the channel Tea Amid Chaos. She told us that “being childfree was never a decision I had to make, because having kids just never felt like my destiny.” She shared that she never had an interest in dolls as a child, and although she imagined all sorts of futures for herself, having babies and being a mother never featured in those dreams. That’s why she says that since it wasn’t a conscious decision, it never felt like a choice she had to make. “I can honestly say I have no regrets. It's not something I think about very often, but whenever it crosses my mind, my convictions only grow stronger. I’ve done lots of things that wouldn’t have been possible if I’d had kids, and I really enjoy my quiet time alone. Some people might consider that selfish, but I think it's more responsible to recognize that parenthood isn't for you than to have children simply because it's what's expected of you,” Toni explained. Efrem Efre / Pexels (not the actual photo) To understand how this decision changes with age, we reached out to a 54-year-old Redditor who wished to stay anonymous. She told us multiple factors influenced her idea of being childfree. “Seeing the women in my family (my maternal grandmother and mother) deal with a lot of difficulties in their lives, including limited career paths because they both had unplanned pregnancies in their early 20s, married into bad relationships as a result, and I vowed not to follow that path myself,” she shared. Other than that, when she was in her thirties, she found she was somewhat repulsed/horrified by the idea of pregnancy. She also couldn't see herself as a mother and did not wish to continue a bad genetic line with a strong leaning toward addiction and mental illness that runs through 4 generations. “To me that would be extremely selfish,” she added. I also worry about the environmental footprint of having children today and what kind of world the next generations are going to inherit. When I found my now husband, he had no pressing desire to have children either, despite or maybe because of coming from a large Italian family with tons of siblings, cousins, etc.” One time that she did have a moment of doubt was in her late 30s when she found out that she was likely infertile, and she found it tough to cope with the choice being taken away from her. That, combined with a ton of pressure from her mother, including threats of being disowned, all made her rethink her childfree lifestyle. “It was a lot, but by the time I was in my mid-40s, I came out of it more certain than ever that I was glad I didn't have children. I cannot imagine dealing with perimenopause while also wrangling an infant or toddler! I have a few old school friends who gave in to pressure to have a child around 40, often with medical intervention, and in private they will admit to me how hard it has been and how they question if they made the right choice,” she explained. We also interviwed Veronica Prager who runs ‘The Childfree Connection Community’ along with her partner. She told us “I am a 50 year old woman who is confident about her choice and lives a fulfilled and joyful childfree life! However, it wasn’t always this way. I experienced an extremely confusing and shaky journey towards choosing to be childfree.” “I felt stuck for many years as I waited for the ‘magical day’ when clarity would strike and my fears and doubts about choosing this path would go away. It took action and extensive work to remove the societal shame and feel proud of my decision,” she added. She explained that pronatalism and conditioning played a strong role in the shame she experienced, and that both are extremely powerful and bleed into every single aspect of our lives. We are taught from an early age that becoming a mother will bring the most joy and fulfillment and we aren’t given a choice about whether we want to have kids or not. “Childfree women start to experience shame because they don’t see themselves in that mom box. They start to think that something must be wrong with them because they are constantly reminded that they are being selfish and will regret their decision. The guilt that arises is not theirs to carry, it’s forced on them through society, social media, films, books etc. and without guidance, they start to believe what they’re told,” Veronica said. She told us that there were many reasons she chose to be childfree like the cost, the constant stress of parenthood, her need to prioritize personal development and spiritual growth, as well as the importance of the relationship with her partner. She also mentioned how she doesn’t have any regrets and feels more grateful for her choice as time goes on. “Through health issues, personal tragedies, and my mom’s Alzheimer’s, I have been deeply thankful for the time and space to heal my heart and care for my health in the ways I needed. I feel strongly that caring for myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually strengthens my ability to give to others, including the children and young adults in my life,” she explained. Tranmautritam / Pexels (not the actual photo) We heard back from a woman in her mid-60s who wished to remain anonymous, and she told us that "as a woman [I] seem to have gotten more flak for being childfree than my husband has. I don't know if it's different for younger generations, but in my younger days a woman was expected to want children and if she didn't, there must be something wrong with her, while men didn't face that same level of scrutiny." She explained that she was never interested in having kids, and that even as a child she didn't have the aspirations to be a mother, so her parents didn't force the issue. She also later married a man who didn't want kids either, and they managed to live a happy, fulfilling life. "People have asked me 'who will take care of you when you're elderly?' and I generally answer 'I didn't know that's why people have kids.' I took care of both my mother-in-law and mother at the end of their lives because I wanted to, and I know we won't have that ourselves, but I also have spent some time in nursing homes and have seen plenty of elderly residents whose adult kids either didn't want to or couldn't take care of their parents, so I realize that having kids is no guarantee of assistance in old age," she explained. When people are in their 20s and 30s, it might seem easier to decide not to have kids, but with age, that decision can come with unintended consequences that folks may find hard to handle. That’s why we reached out to a 70-year-old retiree from the San Francisco Bay Area who worked as a programmer and entrepreneur. She said she wanted to stay anonymous and that she never really wanted kids, even though she loved babysitting as a teen. She told us, “[I] met my spouse in my late 20s, and he had very much never wanted children. He had a vasectomy as soon as he turned 21 and could find a doctor who'd perform that on such a young man (even then there was still a bit of ‘Are you sure?’ from the medical establishment).” She explained that they’ve been content with their decision not to have kids and have kept busy starting companies, working at startups, traveling internationally for their jobs, and being the fairy godparents to several friends' and family's kids. “We're not anti-children at all. We just never had a desire for our own. We have the ability luckily to plan our retirement (which will include remembering our niblings in our estate) and future living needs without having to lean on family for support. So even now, no regrets with our decision,” she explained. cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo) Even though the proportion of childless men is higher than that of women almost everywhere, it’s odd that not many guys speak about this issue. In Finland, nearly 29% of men don’t have kids, compared to only 21% of women, but that still doesn’t explain why guys aren’t coming forward. It’s possible that since women are usually assumed to be at the forefront of child-rearing, men don’t really get much of a chance to share their thoughts on the subject. They might also shy away from proclaiming their stance for fear of shame, guilt-tripping, or societal judgment. That’s probably why the guys we interviewed chose to stay anonymous. A 30-year-old man told us, “I’ve never wanted children; never thought that was my life’s purpose. Do I regret my decision? No. Do I doubt it? Sometimes, but I’m fairly confident I don’t want kids, especially at this stage of my life. I’m open to the idea that I might change my mind, but I don’t see it being particularly likely.” An Indian man in his late 30s who didn’t want to share his identity told us that “growing up, I witnessed my parents' financial and mental struggles while doing their best to raise my younger brother and me. It made me realize how much responsibility, patience, time, and sacrifice parenting requires.” “While I genuinely enjoy being around kids, I have always felt that having children of my own isn't the life I want. In today's fast-paced world, I would rather focus on building a happy, fulfilling life with my wife, prioritizing our mental and physical well-being, personal growth, and financial freedom,” he added. He also explained to us that he doesn’t regret his choice and that, over the years, his priorities have become clearer, and he knows he wants to dedicate his time, energy, and resources to himself and his wife. “Raising a child in today's world comes with significant financial responsibilities, patience, and the need to constantly adapt to their evolving needs. While I understand that family and friends may question our decision, I am happy and at peace knowing that we are choosing a life that works best for us. Our well-being and happiness are my number one priority, and I don't feel the need to justify that to anyone,” the man shared. SHVETS production/ Pexels (not the actual photo) A 31-year-old guy told us, “I don't have a partner in life currently, so having children right now is not possible; hence, I am childfree. I have no regret over my decision. I'm open to the idea of it changing in the future, given certain developments, but at this stage of my life I don't see it happening.” Lastly, a 58-year-old teacher explained that “being raised in a typical, loving nuclear family, I graduated from high school thinking I'd get married after college and settle down. Somewhere along the line I just kinda knew I really didn't want to settle down with a family.” That’s why, when he met his wife at 32, he told her that he wasn’t interested in having kids, and she was on board with the idea. He expected her to change her mind when her friends started having children, and he eventually did ask her about it, but she said her experiences with her friends and sister turned her off the idea of having little ones. “We were also having a lot of fun together, and she didn't want our lifestyle to change, and it was she who brought up my having a vasectomy. So, we took the plunge. Her parents weren't too surprised and were supportive, but my parents were kinda miffed, but I wasn't going to ‘give them a grandchild’ just because they wanted one.” Florencia Brain / Pexels (not the actual photo) When mentioning regrets, he told us that since he and his wife are both teachers and they live by a schedule, they work a lot, but also value coming home and being able to relax. “As much as we enjoy being home together, we also love to travel. Been to 46 states (gonna get ‘em all pretty soon), and every major metropolitan area in the U.S. (we're big-city people). We've also started traveling to Europe, and we can't wait to go back; going for 3 weeks in December.” Apart from that, they enjoy skiing, visiting local bars, meeting friends, and doing whatever they want even though it might seem selfish to others. He also explained that not having kids has been good for them financially and helped them build a considerable nest egg for retirement. “It's definitely a rogue lifestyle from where we're from (we live in a very conservative area in Dallas), but we've never doubted our course in life for one moment. We are still very much in love, and life has always been a lot of fun for us.” “I'm retiring in May at 58, and she won't be too far behind. When we're both retired, we'll never have to work again. We'll enjoy being at home (we have a nice house in a quiet neighborhood) as well as traveling. We're currently away from home 2 months out of the year now; I'm sure that'll increase a bit when we retire,” he added. Askar Abayev / Pexels (not the actual photo) Let’s face it, none of us are immune to this heavy feeling of wishing that we had made different decisions in the past. With hindsight, we’re sometimes plagued by whether we could have done things differently. That’s probably why 4 out of 10 British adults wish they could redo many life decisions, mainly because of regret. So it’s probably safe to say that whether someone is childfree by choice or a parent, they might still lament some of their choices. It doesn’t seem like folks without kids are any worse off than those who have them, because in the end, we’re all humans who just chose different paths. What do you think?