30 Older People Respond To The Question: “Do You Regret Deciding Not To Have Children?”

I never had a minute of regret. I knew I didn’t want to have children when I was 15, but it took me until I reached the age of 25 to realize that “you can’t make me” like it’s something unavoidable.

It took me until I was 32 to find a doctor who would tie my tubes. And I had to badger him for 3 years.

I think raising children is a huge responsibility that shouldn’t be taken so lightly. You’re bringing another human into this world! IMO if you’re not “hell yes!” enthusiastic about having kids, you shouldn’t.

I just never had the desire and I thought I would do my potential child a disservice by being a mother who wasn’t into being a parent.

When people would tell me: You’re going to regret, not having kids! My answer was always: I’d rather regret not having kids than regret having one.

My wife worked at a nursing home for years. Imagine seeing for years that over 95% of old people never have family visit. Till they die and people want a piece of the pie. This when I learnt that the whole "well who is gonna visit you or take care of you when you're older" line is complete bulls**t. We decided to not have kids ever after that. Made great friends and saw the world. No regrets.

Former DINK here, then much to my surprise became a parent to 2 kids in my 40's. I've seen that childfree couples get the "you'll never be truly happy until you get kids" line and that annoys me. In my experience, I was happy before I had kids, and I'm happy now I have them. It's just a different kind of life, that's all.

I explain it to people like this - you know that feeling you get where you just can't wait to teach your kid how to play baseball? or whatever it is you want to share with them? I don't have that. Its basically a lack of parental instinct. Having children was never something I aspired to. My SO is the same way.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against children. And I get really angry at people who harm them or mistreat them. I just never wanted my own.

My wife and I have a double-income-no-kids route, it's going swimmingly. Lots of room to breathe and sleep, and eat, and sleep, and sleep and sleep!!!

The problem is … kids are glamorized. We are told we must have kids to be fulfilled in life. We are told we must have kids or who else will take care of you when you get older and sick. The reality is, many kids do not speak to their own parents, and kids who have sick parents put them in homes and do not take care of them. Myself, I never wanted kids. I couldn’t imagine someone needing me every second of the day for the rest of my life. And let’s face it.. many children these days rely on their parents still!! All my life I was questioned why I didn’t have kids… I was told I was going to regret it one day… my MIL told me very clearly… one day you will not be young and pretty but old and will want kids to help you with things…. She is an awful MIL and her own kids AND grandkids don’t speak to her. My friends who have kids are exhausted, in marriages that are loveless, in marriages with alcoholics, and abusers….. and they stay because of the kids… literally, I don’t know anyone who has kids that are not divorced or living in misery…. Kids are a huge sacrifice. I wish society would stop lying to women. My life is amazing. I travel, see friends, go to shows, museums, concerts. I have money to do whatever I want. My husband and I are very happy and are together because we genuinely love each other. We have a big retirement account and insurance for the day if either of us have to go into an assisted living facility and I am ok with that. …. Edit: wanted to add that I have very amazing nieces, nephews and step nieces and nephews …. But at the end of our visits, I’m glad I can go home!! Lol

I have never believed that I would be a good parent. I have a short temper, and while I don't think I would have been physically abusive, my words and tone of voice would be harsh in a very similar way to my own father. I wasn't happy growing up with that kind parent and I wouldn't want to subject any child to that kind of parenting.

No regret. I knew I was not destined to become a mother, from childhood. I’ve spent my life realizing my own potential, taking care of myself, nurturing my career. My family never understood nor supported me in my choice, to remain childless. I was not belligerent or oppositional, just determined to follow my stars. I am happy and fulfilled. I’ve also accomplished a level of success in my career that would never had been possible had I chosen to have children.

Not me but I know the couple very well. He is an artist who spends most of his time traveling to and from NYC and she lives a happy quiet life raising bonsai trees. They have developed a beautiful piece of land that now has their current home, a guest home, storage barn, and greenhouses for bonsai. To me it seems the absence of children has let both of them follow their dreams untethered.

I never had the urge to change diapers or lose sleep, free time, and most of my earnings. Other peoples' kids are great. Mostly because they are other people'.

When people ask "Who will take care of you when you're old," I tell them that when I'm 75 I will adopt a 40-year-old.

FWIW: I know three sets of couples in that category, all academics, all are somewhere between friends and acquaintances. All I can say as an outsider is that they are more relaxed and seem much more in love than other couples of the same age who have had kids. They also go out a lot more and travel a lot more. They are all very comfortable financially, but then again so are many couples of that age I know with kids.

57 Australian, no kids here. By Choice? Yes and No.
We had a child when I was 24 and wife was 21. Child died shortly before her 4th birthday. Took us a long time to recover and by the time the conversation was seriously considered we were both in our 30s. We back and forthed for a couple of years and then elected to give the whole parenting thing a miss much to the dismay of our parents. Her career was taking off and frankly we were still pretty messed up.

About 25 years on from that now. I have been retired for about 18 months. She will retire within the next two years. We have both had successful careers and money is not a major issue. Not having children allowed us to relocate regularly for job opportunities. We’ve lived in 3 different Australian cities as well as a five year stint in the US, and shorter stints in London and Tokyo at different times.

We’ve helped out our families a lot over the years, from assisting with university fees for my nieces to helping a nephew (both financially and mentoring) establish his own small business in his early 20s. We’ve taken several breaks from work to participate in charitable work. Japan being the most recent, but previously helped out in Thailand post Tsunami.

Have I lived a full life? I like to think so. Do I have an emptiness or sadness based on having no children? Yes.

However I will elaborate. I don’t believe that emptiness is based on having no children. More so it is and emptiness that should have been filled by a particular child. The one we had. I firmly believe having another child wouldn’t change that and talking with people who have also lost kids seems to confirm that.

Anyway, that’s my perspective on this from my particularly unique yet unfathomably common experiences.

Signing off the worlds best uncle

I am 66, wife is 61, married 37 years no children. Sometimes I regret not having children, but we would still make the choice to be childless if we had to do it over. The financial benefits are huge and you have the freedom to travel and make radical life changes without worrying about adverse effects on the children. We are retired, have no debt at all, money in the bank, good insurance, and reasonably good health. We did however host 5 foreign exchange students for a year each. That was as close to, parenting as I wanted to get. The downside side, that I will die a lonely old man with no family around.

I still don't understand people who say s**t like "who will take care of you in your old age"

Are you forgetting this retirement strategy has at it's core all of the unpredictability and unreliability of a human f*****g being? Like these people really believe your son/daughter will be around to do things for you and love you?

Sorry to break it to you folks, but they'll have jobs, families, problems and s**t of their own to deal with. If you're raising a kid for this reason, you would have been better off taking all that money you threw at that financial black hole and putting it into a mutual fund.

A different scenario.

I'm 50, gay and childless. One benefit, which I've embraced, is I can get up and handle family emergencies. I've taken care of both sets of grandparents, my mother, my father, and 5 others, and that's only in hospice situations. There's plenty of other situations. I have four brothers and two sisters, all of them have children. Understandably, they just can't *afford* to take the time to do what I did and still do.

The other benefit is they don't talk about my sexuality in a bad way anymore, since they've all benefited from it in some form or another.

Financially it worked out well; we retired in our 40s to engage in the sorts of things we always wanted to do without being subject to the bizarre whims of management. Twenty years later no complaints, we still live modestly and enjoy life. Children would almost certainly have bound us to harness for those decades; in that sense, I don't regret not having any. Sure I look at the myth of progeny and wonder what might have been. But there are so many close examples of families who can't stand each other. It's a c**pshoot whether your child will be the next Renaissance master or a criminal. If the question is who will take care in our old age -- look at all the old folks in eldercare, disowned and never visited by their loving spawn.

Now that I'm older I thought it would have been nice to have someone to lean on if I got sick. Then I see my friends who had kids and they are no different than me. The kids are still living with them waiting for a meal.

I see the way my younger friends have to negotiate with a ten year old instead of saying, "No because I said so." Some kids just don't listen, but they say hateful things on a regular basis. My friends don't flinch.

Due to society, parents don't have the authority they used to have. They are ignored, mocked, and "patronized" oddly enough by their off-spring.

47 here, and I have many friends/coworkers who have kids of all ages and I never feel left out at all. I drive past school zones every morning and I say "thank me that I don't have to sit in that nightmare line" I have money to spend on my self-care, I have time to spend with my partner, and enjoy each other to the fullest. I am still discovering so much about him and myself that I guarantee we would not be experiencing it if we had kids. I only have us to focus on and it is a lot, I cannot imagine adding another person

I can tell you that being 41 married and no kids does not mean finacial security as I work in a low paid tech job and my wife works in a low paid admin job.

We're happy with our choice but every couple is different so you have to make your own choices.

I've been around the world numerous times, speak fluent Spanish, have friends in other countries, and have had a lucky life. A miscarriage at 28 was my one and only chance to have a child. Do I regret not having children? It wasn't my destiny. But age 58, sometimes, yes I do.