Cheating on a spouse is bad enough as it is. Throw an unintended pregnancy into the mix and you're bound to reach new levels of heartbreak and drama. Yes, a baby should never bear the brunt of an adult's stupid decisions. But does that mean the jilted spouse must accept the infant into their fray wholeheartedly?
That's the dilemma on man is facing. He says when he found out his pregnant wife was having an affair, he knew there's a chance the baby could be his. A DNA test proved otherwise. But now that the wife's lover has ghosted her, she wants her soon-to-be ex-husband to step in and co-parent the baby. Her reason? The child deserves a dad.
His wife cheated, got pregnant and now, her affair partner has ghosted her
She wants her soon-to-be ex-husband to step up and co-parent because the baby "deserves a dad"
"She was hoping the baby would be mine": He gave more details while engaging with netizens
Pregnant from an affair? Here are your options, according to experts
You cheated, fell pregnant and now you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Just like with any other unintended pregnancy, you have three options: abortion, parenting, or adoption.
The experts at Willowbrook Women's Center advise that you ask yourself, “Would I make a different decision about my pregnancy if I wasn’t pregnant from an affair?” This, and other questions, they say, can prevent you from making a decision from emotion, which may cause you to live with secrets or regret.
But before you even get to this point, it's important to be 100% sure that you are pregnant. "The accuracy of over-the-counter pregnancy tests varies. A lab-grade pregnancy test will give you 99.9% accurate results," notes the Willowbrook site. If you receive a positive lab result, the next step is a visit to the OB-GYN.
Many pregnancies end in miscarriage, and according to Willowbrook, 80% of those happen in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. "Before going through the difficulty of a 'pregnancy or abortion' decision, you will need to confirm if you have a viable pregnancy," say Willowbrook's experts. "Viability is determined by ultrasound."
Now you can decide between the three options mentioned earlier. "As you weigh your options, consider them carefully, ask questions, and never make a decision based upon pressure from another person," advises the site. "Pay attention to the quiet voice within you as it may give you insight to the choice that you can feel confident about."
While it may seem unthinkable to confess to your spouse, have the baby and raise it with them, it's not unheard of. And couples have successfully done it before. If you're going this route, you might wonder whether or not to tell the child they're the result of an extra-marital affair.
According to Dr. Michael Wetter, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and the Director of Psychology at UCLA Medical Center, you should. And the sooner you do it, the better, he says. Wetter explains that doing so early helps avoid identity issues later on.
"It becomes integrated into their sense of self and there’s no longer any sense of mystery or doubt," explains the expert. "It becomes a normal part of the fabric of their identity. They can integrate it in a much easier way."
Wetter says it's okay to tell a child who is under the 10 is fine, but you shouldn't tell a toddler because they don’t yet understand such issues. "Kids start asking, 'Where did I come from?' or 'How are babies made?' usually around 4-5 years of age when they start playing with the idea of how they came about," he says.
He adds that you shouldn't frame it as, “You were born under special/unusual circumstances,” but rather explain that, “This is who your daddy is,” or “This is who your mother is,” and “This is what our family looks like.” Adding that all families come in different shapes and sizes, all families are different in where they live, and "this is how ours looks," also helps.
Many felt the woman had quite the nerve, and agreed the husband should only be responsible for his own child
