“What’s The Biggest ‘They’re Definitely Cheating’ Sign You Ignored?" (40 Answers)

Licensed psychotherapist Kelly Scott reiterates that there are no universal, sure-fire signs of cheating, but there are indicators that might mean your relationship isn't in good shape, which can increase the risk of infidelity.

"If your partner doesn’t seem willing or interested in addressing things that aren’t going well, that’s a warning sign. Similarly, if they are consistently very blaming and unwilling to be collaborative and open, that could be a symptom of a bigger disconnect between you, which can lead to cheating and other forms of betrayal. We can get overly focused on cheating–a yes or no question–and overlook signs of much bigger pain points that can lead to cheating and much more," she explains.

"The cheating partner will make negative comparisons between their partner and other people, who may be real or fictional. This creates a standard that the betrayed partner cannot meet," says a licensed marriage and family therapist, Jerred England, adding to the signs that might indicate infidelity.

"Second, we often see consistent avoidance of opportunities to connect with the partner. They will withdraw physically. When a date night or shared activity is planned, the cheating partner will rebuff those opportunities in order to avoid connection, which might trigger feelings of guilt or shame.

Finally, they won’t acknowledge their feelings about being unhappy with the partner. Typically, the betrayed partner will have sensed that something feels different, but when asked, the cheating partner will not connect emotionally or express vulnerability. This is emotional withdrawal," England further explains.

Unfortunately, people often don't notice these signs because the unfaithful partner hides their affair well or the betrayed partner chooses to deny it, says Scott.

"It’s one of the most common and rudimentary ways we protect ourselves from hard and scary things. If we don’t let ourselves see it or know it, it’s not happening—like a little kid closing their eyes during a scary movie.

Sometimes, we just can’t tolerate entertaining the possibility that our partner is treating us badly, or seems to be checking out of the relationship. We overlook signs of cheating because sometimes it’s just too painful to see them. It’s ultimately not a great strategy, but it’s effective in the short term in the sense that it helps us delay or avoid distress."

"Signs can be overlooked, but most often, the betrayed spouse will say something like, 'I knew there was something wrong—I just didn’t know what it was,'" notes England.

"I believe intuition can be accurate, but the problem is that the cheating partner typically avoids emotional connection when confronted. It’s human to be defensive, but I would argue that defensiveness rarely helps resolve the issue."

While intuition can help us pay attention to some things, Scott also notes that it can turn into hypervigilance and paranoia.

"Working with a therapist can help you learn about your intuition, understand when it can be untrustworthy or distorted, and figure out ways to reality test yourself. Many times, though, we can sense when something feels off in our relationships. I encourage my patients to relate to these feelings as a hypothesis rather than a fact. That way, they aren’t ignoring their spidey sense but can also give themselves a chance to check it out before coming to a conclusion."