It will take a great deal of effort to win back the trust of someone you have cheated on. In the process, you will deal with their constant doubts and questions about your every move, which you can’t really blame them for.
This was a reality between a couple where the husband had a history of infidelity. To make things worse, he got close to a female colleague and involved his spouse in the other woman’s family affairs.
The wife had been utterly confused, but her gut instincts had been sounding the alarm. She now turns to the Reddit community for some much-needed answers.
Regaining a spouse's trust after infidelity requires effort
Image credits: sedrik2007 / Envato (not the actual photo)
However, a man who had a cheating past did quite the opposite with his wife, who chose to stick it out with him
Image credits: MKU018 / Envato (not the actual photo)
The man's behavior became more suspicious, leaving his spouse in a state of stress and confusion
Image credits: JackfruitRemote5925
The woman provided more information about her story
Telling a spouse with a cheating past to no longer befriend someone from the opposite sex can be tricky
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
According to the woman, their therapist told her husband to no longer be friends with a woman, given how he’d been unfaithful in the past. However, navigating these waters can be quite challenging, according to some experts we spoke with.
Licensed psychotherapist Jessica Foley, LMHC, says it wouldn’t be fair because it promotes a “sense of untrust,” which may cause such rules to backfire in the long run.
Meanwhile, licensed psychotherapist and betrayal trauma expert Christina Kantzavelos, LCSW, pointed out that setting these rules depends on intent and context because setting boundaries is different from enforcing control. And if a spouse’s interactions continue to trigger their partner’s betrayal trauma, requesting limitations would be appropriate.
Communication expert and University of Illinois Springfield director and professor, Dr. Beth Ribarsky, recognizes that friends from the opposite sex can be a source of tension. She adds that even if physical infidelity doesn’t happen, emotional cheating could be a considerable risk.
If couples must go down this road, Voyager Recovery Center Medical Director Dr. Lori Bohn, PHMNP, says they should approach it from a place of empathy.
“Naturally, feelings may run wild, but putting complete bans on social contacts is likely to breed ill feelings and an undue imbalance in the relationship,” she said.
Betrayed spouses must recognize the signs of whether or not the marriage is worth staying in
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
It would’ve been a less complicated situation if the couple in the story hadn’t married. However, in their case, the woman must recognize the telltale signs to determine whether the relationship is still worth fighting for.
According to Kantzavelos, one indicator is if the unfaithful spouse refuses to take accountability for their actions and continues to engage in harmful behaviors that don’t repair the broken trust.
As for the betrayed partner, a clear sign to know that it is time to leave is if they feel chronically unsafe, resentful, and emotionally shut down despite genuine efforts.
Dr. Bohn says another sign would be the inability to engage in discussions.
“The choice to walk away from a marriage is personal, but one’s emotional and mental health must be of the utmost importance,” she said.
Both Kantzavelos and Dr. Bohn have mentioned the option of professional help to deal with a partner’s infidelity. However, as the woman briefly mentioned in her story, she and her husband had already undergone therapy, seemingly to no avail.
Her next best move is to involve lawyers and initiate the divorce proceedings, given that her husband has shown no signs or intentions of wanting to regain her trust and make her feel secure again.
Commenters sided with her and advised her to rethink the marriage
Image credits: EkaterinaPereslavtseva / Envato (not the actual photo)
The woman provided a lengthy update
Image credits: djoronimo / Envato (not the actual photo)
She also revealed some of her realizations
Image credits: JackfruitRemote5925
People in the comments had varying reactions about the new developments
