#1
Not because I got caught, but because I *saw* the damage I did. The trust I shattered. The way I made someone question their worth, when the truth was—I was the broken one.
I didn’t cheat because my partner wasn’t enough. She was kind, loyal, and gave everything she had. I cheated because *I* didn’t feel enough. I was emotionally immature, uncomfortable with vulnerability, and instead of facing our problems, I escaped into a new connection that made me feel temporarily seen, wanted, powerful.
Cheating felt like a shortcut to a version of myself I didn’t know how to become honestly. And for a moment, it worked. But then the shame came—and the realization that I had hurt someone who only wanted to love me.
To those who’ve been cheated on: It wasn’t your fault. You were *not* lacking. Often, cheating is about the cheater running from themselves, not running from you. And I hope you never carry someone else’s wounds as your own reflection.
To those who’ve cheated: You are still worthy of redemption. You have to own what you did, without minimizing it. Sit with the pain you caused. Learn to stop seeing people as escape hatches from your own discomfort. Only then can you begin to change.
I’m not proud of what I did. But I’ve done the work since then. Therapy. Hard conversations. Sitting in the fire instead of fleeing it. I’ve learned how to love with presence instead of performance. I’ve learned how to *stay.*
No one should be defined by their worst moment forever. But we do have to let that moment shape who we become next.
#2
Was also the kind of dude that hardly ever wanted physical intimacy which left me feeling completely ugly, but then when we did want it, he'd force it even if I didn't want it. He controlled me mentally, emotionally, physically and financially.
I went downstage for 3 weeks to visit my family. I begged him to come, even offering to pay for everything. He flat put refused saying he hated the city and my family.
I was there over Christmas and new years, and ended up going to my friend's new years party where I met a guy. Immediately disclosed my relationship. We got talking and he was really easy to talk to despite us just meeting. I expressed sadness about how my partner never wanted to do anything and how I wouldn't be getting a new years kiss. He said he didn't want to leave me disappointed.
That kiss led to a week's affair. We kept meeting up, and it quickly became physical. I decided regardless what happened with me and the new guy, my engagement was done. I wasn't in love with him. When I eventually went back home, I broke up with him, told him why. He beat me and screamed at me, calling me every name he could. I get it. I deserved it. We both sucked.
I eventually married my affair partner, and we're still together and very strong 10 years later. We have a kid. No regrets. I've never strayed from him because he actually gives a s**t about me.
#3
When it comes to infidelity, there are as many stories as there are couples themselves: some people leave, others fight, some turn to counseling, while others move on as if nothing happened. This list clearly shows that there’s no one way such stories go.
But this time, we wanted to delve deeper into what it takes to save the relationship after infidelity occurs. We turned to board-certified clinical psychologist and author of Letting Go of Your Ex, Dr. Cortney S. Warren, who noted that while infidelity is one of the most common reasons that couples break up, whether or not the partners want to work through the affair and stay together really depends on the situation.
“Although it can feel bleak and insurmountable in the moment to stay together after an affair, it also offers a couple the opportunity to evaluate and change the way they relate to and see one another,” the expert noted. “Each partner is confronted with a choice: do you want to work to transform through this period to see whether you can build a new relationship together, or do you want to end it here?”
#4
I tried to justify why I did it and tried to blame her but in the end, I had control of my actions and knew what I was doing!
I thought I needed more attention, more love and more affection but all I did was break the heart of someone who supported me for 20+ years.
I should have manned up and just left instead of crushing her.
I’ll never forget what I’ve done and will for ever be a cheater!
I’m a far better person now and can 100% say I’ve changed but it will never take back what I’ve done!
#5
I cheated on him, with now my husband, who treated me way better than he could offer. I cheated on him with a man who has financial stability, which my ex never had.
I am not proud that I cheated on him, but I am happily married now and my ex is still where I left him. I dodged a bullet.
The expert pointed out that certain important factors can affect a couple’s ability to recover after an affair, the first one being willingness to work together.
“The negative effects of infidelity on mental health are well documented. For example, most people feel betrayed, angry, anxious, depressed, and ashamed after learning that their partner is cheating. It’s also common for the cheater to feel guilty, depressed, and remorseful and have difficulty expressing what wasn’t working for them about their marriage because the affair itself is such a monumental event that can dominate discourse. If they want to stay together, each person must be willing to work through their own pain and experiences while striving to listen to, understand, and support the other through theirs, all with an eye towards what is in the best interest of their relationship moving forward,” Dr. Warren told Bored Panda.
#6
#7
Flash forward fourteen years. Ex is now a close friend, and "other guy" is my husband, we've been together ever since.
Yeah. Weird. Regretful on my part.
#8
I should have broken up long before that, but I was, and well, still am, a coward.
Another factor is atonement for being unfaithful. According to the expert, full and total responsibility for choosing to engage in an affair and sincere remorse for violating the marital boundaries are often essential to healing. “The cheater must be willing to see their cheating behavior, own it, and apologize for it. This generally includes cutting off contact with the extramarital lover.”
#9
I married my childhood girlfriend at 19. Bought a cabin and fixed it up, then a small brick house that was in the family. I'd never really dated anyone else and her family was very *very* racist/Southern Baptist in the strongest sense. She'd leave me on the weekends after I worked 56 hour weeks so I never spent much time with her during our brief marriage. Aside from this very insignificant issue, there was nothing terribly wrong. I was young and stupid.
At 23, met someone on a video game who was also married. Ended up meeting, fell for each other and both marriages fell apart when it was found out. Had a couple kids together, were together 10 years then...she cheated on me with a couple of guys, the main being someone she met in another MMO.
I lived with so much guilt and regret for hurting someone. It's still an issue. I like to think I got what I deserved because it hurt so badly losing my family due to her affair. I'd cry myself to sleep in the floor every night for months. I like to think my first wife that I hurt did the same and I was suffering as she did, as I deserved.
Some people cheat and continue to cheat through their lives. For me, it's a lesson I was given and *will never do again, no matter what. I'd take being boiled in oil over hurting someone like that again.*
If any of you are thinking about doing it, don't. It's not worth the damage to their soul or yours.
#10
#11
One more thing that can help couples heal the relationship after infidelity is dedication to change what wasn’t working. “Although the person having the affair is always responsible for their behavior, for a couple to stay together requires that each person is willing to examine their contribution to the relationship not working,” Dr. Warren said.
“For example, one or both partners may have avoided having a sexual relationship with their spouse, struggled to communicate their needs and desires openly, or felt bored or suffocated in their current relationship and wanted more excitement. The factors that contributed to marital discord and the affair itself must be unpacked and shifted to decrease the likelihood of it happening again.”
#12
Then prince charming randomly walked into my life, meeting up after work turned into dinner, drinks, and bareback.
The next day I broke up with my Ex.
I've been married to prince charming for 3 years now :).
#13
#14
For a while he proceeded to stalk me and try to love bomb me again to get me back, but I refused him. I think he got the hint that we were never going to be together again when the guy I cheated with and I made it official. We’ve been together happily for 5 years now. Honestly I regret cheating, but I felt I had no other choice. If I could go back I would’ve stayed strong and firm when I tried leaving the first time
Equally important to the aforementioned factors is the intention to forgive. Dr. Warren notes that while overcoming an affair is painful to the person who was cheated on, research suggests that forgiveness is a key component of moving on.
“Often a person who is cheated on feels intense rage and anger over the affair, sometimes leading them to punish and resent their spouse. To rebuild trust and connection, forgiveness of the past while setting new boundaries for the future is key.”
#15
Many years later we are still together, and still working through the damage, but good partners and great parents.
#16
#17
Does it justify it? I’m not sure and I don’t care regardless. F**k him for what he put my mom through.
Lastly, the couple should put effort into reconnecting and reattaching. “Building positive, loving intimacy is key to moving forward. It may take time to want to be sexual and emotionally vulnerable again, but the goal is to come together again in a fulfilling way,” Dr. Warren said, adding that if both partners aren’t willing to work together to move forward, it’s unlikely that the relationship will survive in a healthy way.
#18
Before ending things with my ex, I met my now husband, who showed me what real love looked like from the moment we met.
This will be our 4th year married, 5 years together total, and we have a beautiful family. I could not be more thankful that my husband came into my life when he did. He is truly my best friend and the supreme love of my life.
#19
COVID hit and I used the excuse of lockdowns not to see her again, thank f**k we were never living together.
Currently with someone else, together for 5 years with a baby in tow. I am happy now but occasionally get flashbacks to what i did and it turns my day. She didn’t deserve it. She’s much happier now with someone else and so am I.
#20
I got close with a coworker who was in an unhappy marriage and we started screwing around. I spiraled after that. The following year was so traumatic. Eventually we separated and then I went down a dark path for a bit and almost ended up in a very similar relationship but a really good therapist helped me start piecing my life back together and then I met my now-fiancé and I knew that as I was, I wasn’t ready for the good thing he had to offer me so I made myself ready. Three years later we are engaged, no fighting or infidelity, so much love and stability, and I am just the most grateful woman in the world.