“The Squirrel Won”: 50 Public Moments So Chaotic People Still Can’t Believe They Saw Them

Saw a full-blown, screaming argument between a guy and a squirrel over a single french fry. The squirrel won.

I was in Seattle and watched a guy in a cab honk at a cyclist. The cyclist then pulled the guy out of his cab and proceeded to beat the [hell] out of him. A few seconds later, like three other cab drivers ran over and kicked the [hell]of the cyclist. Then a homeless guy stole the bike that was laying in the intersection.

It was like 30 seconds of pure madness.

Saw a dude try to chase his own runaway shopping cart down a hill, grab it, miss, spin, and accidentally tackle a random guy who was just walking by.

Both of them went down like bowling pins. the cart kept going. a third guy tried to stop it and slipped. It was like watching a live action slapstick scene with zero music.

I wasn’t there but I’ve heard the story a few times.

My mom used to pretty much live in high heels. One day at a busy, fairly nice restaurant, she was sitting with her legs crossed for a bit too long. Her foot went numb. As her group stood up to leave, mom lost her balance, stumbled back, her shoe went flying across the restaurant, and she landed in a random guy’s lap.

Legend has it, he looked at her and said “this isn’t what I ordered”. She had to hobble across the room to get her shoe back.

My dog once found some garbage bags with a cut up rotting carcass in it, dumped in the woods.
He went completely feral from the smell and wrestled himself out of his harness and jumped face first into that pile of rotting deliciousness. He was in heaven, rolling around in it, while gorging himself on rotting organs, and every time I tried to approach him he turned into a feral wolf trying to guard it’s bounty.

I wasn’t sure if the remains were human or animal so I called the police but the smell was so overwhelmingly disgusting I kept dryheaving and vomiting while trying to explain to the dispatcher what was happening. She was like ‘wait… your dog found a body and is now eating it?? What is he eating exactly?’ Me dry-heaving: ‘the heart, liver, intestines I dunno!!’ Her, to her colleagues in the background ‘this lady’s dog is eating a body and she keeps vomiting’ Then I heard them giggling in the background.

About twenty minutes later police arrived on the scene to find me still dryheaving and my deliriously happy dog, covered in blood and gore rolling around in a scene out of a horror movie. They could not stifle their laughs! W*f…

They got him out in the end and send us home. Took me three days to get the smell of putrefaction out of him.
Police later called back to tell me it was a sheep carcass. So at least my dog didn’t eat a human.
It was the best day of his life.

ETA: oh yeah so this was in a sort of ditch between a woodsy area and a busy road so a lot of passing cars saw a woman vomiting while a feral blood covered wolf looking dog played with viscera.

Has to be an attempted kidnapping in the Orlando (MCO) airport one night. we were walking to our hotel at the airport and heard the most awful scream from about 30 yards away. turned our heads to see a man with a little girl in a stranglehold and waving to onlookers to stay away. thankfully a few brave folks approached while one snuck behind and knocked his legs out from under him. they got him subdued and police arrived seconds later. it felt like it lasted an eternity, but was probably over in under 15 seconds.

I only heard about this. My parent took her Mastiff puppy to the mall to get X mas photos. The dog was under a year old but @ 100lbs. She sat in front of the drape and had her photo taken.

Once the photo was done, something got her attention and she pushed the drape aside and started running through the mall.

My parent started chasing after her as the dog raced towards Macy's. On the way, the dog spotted a woman with a baby in a stroller. My parent could not catch up with her but yelled at the woman, "She doesn't bite!" The dog licked the baby in the face and took off towards Macys.

She ended up running into the fine jewelry section and planted herself next to an old lady (who was not amused).

I still have this photo and love it.

Minding my business driving to work one morning on a two lane road (both lanes going in the same direction) when the vehicle in front of me comes to a dead stop. No red light, no stop sign. Just stopping in the middle of the road. Another vehicle pulls up next to me in the adjacent lane and stops also. The drivers of both vehicles get out all aggressive and start screaming at each other. They look similar enough that I think they may be siblings. It escalates to a physical altercation in front of me. Now mind you this is the morning work commute so there are cars piling up behind me and they are honking and yelling but these two are undeterred. Now a woman gets out of the vehicle that had stopped beside me ans she is trying her best to pull them apart. She looks like she could be their mother further supporting my impression that these are brothers. She gets them pulled apart finally the one dudes shorts are around his ankles and there he is in his drawers and the other guys shirt got ripped off. Dude with the shirt ripped off gets out of the woman's grip and runs to the grassy median and pulls an election sign out of the ground and then starts beating his brother with it.

Ironically enough the elections sign was a "Make America Great Again" sign and i could help but to find that funny.

I was working at a bar downtown and I stepped in to the alley to smoke. I’ll preface and say this was all during some festival happening.

As I’m smoking a girl falls out of a portapotty and lands face first unconscious. So I immediately call 911.

The operator says “see if she’s conscious but DONT try to move her. She might become irate. Just nudge her with your foot and try to to see if she reacts but try and keep a distance”

So I walk up and nudge her with my foot and say “hey, are you breathing?” And she JUMPS up, SCREAMS like a banshee, throws an empty bottle of fireball at my face and takes off running down the alley way. At one point I thought she was going to fall but she just squatted and pissed in the middle of the road. Then she kept running down the road. Screaming the whole way.

I almost laughed when the 911 operator said “Well, did she move?”

Riding the Paris subway at night when a woman standing near our seat tells two young guys to turn down their boom box. One of the guys smacks her and she gives him a high kick to the head.

Everyone on the whole car stands up as one and starts yelling at the guys. (Except for my partner and I because we can’t follow what is being said and we’re almost in the middle of the fray.).

The guys got off at the next stop. If they hadn’t, we would have!

A young Japanese "gothic lolita" girl leading an old (60+) Japanese man, who was dressed in a Sailor Moon outfit, around by a leash. Hankyu Umeda station, Osaka, Japan, 2008. Over a million people a day go through that station, so a lot of people saw this.

On holiday in Amsterdam this summer. Hot as hell, lots of people swimming in the River Ij.
Watched a heron scoop up a fat rat, fly off with rat struggling, seagull tries to intercept. Heron drops live rat from 10ft above the water into incredibly crowded swimming spot. 

I was in graduate school and a hurricane was headed to the coast of Texas, mind you my university was ~200 miles inland. My roommate and I were both from gulf coast Texas and went to the grocery store to procure more beer since it’s likely rain for a day or two where we were.

It was absolute chaos. You would have thought the world was ending. People were fighting over cans of creamed corn, there was no water left in the store, all the canned goods gone, but basically all the other dry goods mostly untouched. Students in a complete panic calling their parents in tears.

We grabbed some beer and snacks, filled up some water pitchers at our apartment just in case and it just rained for a day or two. Never lost power, watched Netflix, drank and ate Oreos.

Middle school science class when someone microwaved a bag of grapes “to see the plasma thing from YouTube.” Fire alarm went off, half the class was screaming, the other half was chanting “SCIENCE” while the teacher tried to explain to the principal that we were not, in fact, trying to burn the school down.

Walmart, Black Friday, around 2010. They rolled out a pallet of cheap DVD players and it was an actual feeding frenzy. I saw a middle-aged woman literally climb on top of the pile and start throwing the boxes behind her to her husband like she was digging for gold. People were grabbing, yelling, a couple of dudes almost got into a fistfight over a $19 Sanyo. All for a piece of junk that would probably break in six months. The whole scene was just pure, unadulterated consumerist rage. Never again.

A friend on a dare tried to eat a potato bug for $20 and chase it down with a 40 oz of mickeys. He took a bite of the bug, the bug bit him on his tongue. He was basically puking foam from his open mouth with half a potato bug attached to his tongue.

My other friend laughed so hard he fell over a table and knocked himself out. My third friend laughed so hard from all of that he ran into the other room and puked into the bathtub.

all in the span of like 30 seconds.

Edit for anyone wondering: My friends are [jerks], they didn't give him the 20 bucks since he didn't actually eat the bug.

Oh walking in San Francisco where a little person dressed in an outfit I can’t even describe came zooming by on a scooter with a humongous blaring sub woofer, followed by a quite large woman who was completely [bare] and shouting to the scooter person. One of the few times I’ve been legitimately speechless.

Years ago I was at work and a tornado just passed by the front window a few hundred feet away. The area was not even remotely known for getting tornadoes, I didn't even know it was possible at all. Upper management didn't let us leave but we did anyway and when the even upperer management learned of it, they fired the guy who tried to keep us there.

I was leaving a New Year’s Eve party in Boston about 20 years ago with a group of friends. Great night that we were still enjoying despite low single digit temps as we made our way to a spot where we hoped to have better luck finding a taxi.

As we walked, about a block away we heard a lot of commotion and saw about 30 guys in a full scale punch up that flowed in and out of the street. They were evenly matched, and everyone had on very bulky winter gear, which probably explained why they weren’t hurting each other as much as you might expect.

Along the moving perimeter of this scrum were all the female dates of the combatants who weren’t engaging, but we noticed that a sub group of them were huddled and moving together, seeming to be talking about how to put a stop to it.

All of a sudden, with cheetah-like agility, these girls [attack] the other group of girls, but only to steal their vuvuzelas (very long plastic horns that were popular at the time). They then immediately began to attack the opponent group of guys with shots to the face from their newly acquired arsenal, which they were wielding like baseball bats with amazing accuracy. The other girls tried a weak counteroffensive, but were pretty quickly put down by the armed group after several of the women were knocked by David Ortiz level swings.

We watched in astonishment as this actually turned the tide of the main battle, and the losing side ultimately scrambled away with their dates less than five minutes after the successful flanking maneuver, leaving probably $2-3k worth of hats, scarves, gloves and designer shoes in their wake.

EDIT: And yes, as the losing side made their retreat they were most certainly urged along by a hearty vuvuzela victory cadence. I half expected a fife and drum corps dressed in tricorns and breeches to emerge from the alley to join in.

crowpierrot:

Incredible. I would pay money to see this.

Worked at a summer camp up north Michigan. Part of the camp was a horse corral, for teaching kids to go in circles and trail riding and all that. I get shaken awake in the middle of the night by an amorphous black shape that slowly revealed itself to be a fellow counselor. He's whisper yelling that the horses are out the horses are out. They had either not been locked up right that evening or an old latch had finally given up. 12 horses unaccounted for. I hop off my bunk and run outside in my boxers. Myself and the other counselors that have been pulled from our slumber are spread out, silently running around in the moonlight trying to track down each horse. 15 decibel chaos.

The story arrives at a point where I'm on a horse bareback in my underwear, emerging from the thicket to find some other brothers in underwear atop their own recovered steeds in the central cabin area. 15 decibel celebration. We split up again and the story ends with all horses back in the corral and a gang of teenagers climbing the trail back up to the cabins as the sun is greeting us through the trees.