When you grow up, you realize how nice it is to get along with your parents. You may understand their perspective more, trust their advice more and want to share your life with them more. But as with everything in life, your relationship with your parents has to be balanced and you also shouldn’t let them be too nosy.
A woman went to Reddit to confirm or deny if her reaction to her husband giving the key to their house to his mom was appropriate as she is being judged by her husband’s family for wanting some privacy in her own home.
More info: Reddit
Woman goes behind husband's back when he did it first and gave his mom the key to their house
Image credits: g_u (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) just purchased a house with her husband and from the beginning, the husband’s mom wanted to have the house key. In and of itself, it doesn’t sound that bad. If there is an emergency, it is useful if someone close to you also has keys to your house. Maybe if you go on a trip and need someone to housekeep, your mom having a key means that it’s already sorted.
There is definitely a serious reason why the wife didn’t want her MIL to have it. It seems that the husband's mom had the keys to their old place and she would regularly let herself in. And she probably was planning on continuing with her habit as she not only demanded the keys, but she also cried and begged and made other people side with her.
None of this manipulation affected the OP, but it seems that her husband cracked as the woman found out that her MIL has a copy of their house key. The woman was furious and the couple got in a huge argument which ended with the husband saying the last word that his mom was keeping the key and the conversation was over.
This was not the support the woman was expecting from her husband, so when she dried her tears, she called a locksmith to get her house locks changed. This led to another huge argument and when the family found out, they were on the husband’s side.
The woman just bought a house with her husband and his mom kept insisting that they gave her the key to their house
Image credits: SawnLake117
As the whole family turned against her, the woman wondered if she really was in the wrong. She explained “I might be TA for making a decision to change the lock without talking to my husband first and possibly causing an issue with his mom.”
People in the comments didn’t agree that the jerk is the woman because just like the husband didn’t talk to her about giving the key to his mom and actually secretly giving it to her while knowing his wife wouldn’t agree, she didn’t have to tell him about changing the locks.
Many people in the comments also pointed out that the husband’s mom is quite controlling and they might be onto something.
Choosing Therapy singles out 7 signs of how an overbearing mother-in-law behaves and from what is told in the story, some of them apply to OP’s MIL. One of them is that she is always around: “An overbearing mother-in-law may show up unannounced or invite herself to gatherings and activities.”
She also had the key to their previous home and would come over unannounced, letting herself in, so the wife refused
Image credits: SawnLake117
Another sign is that she doesn’t respect your boundaries: “Not only will she show up unannounced, an overbearing mother-in-law may completely disregard your verbal cues that it’s time for her to leave.”
We may assume that other signs such as pressuring her son to do what she wants and telling him that she is doing this because she cares also apply to OP’s MIL, so that would make her an overbearing mother-in-law.
However, the husband gave the key to his mom in secret and when the wife found out, she also went behind his back and changed the lock
Image credits: SawnLake117
They also explain what could make mother-in-laws overbearing. “For example, she may have been raised in a chaotic or traumatic environment, both of which can lead someone to adopt a controlling nature, perhaps sometimes because her own partner is overly controlling or domineering of her.”
While some mother-in-laws might have become overbearing because of their life experiences, others can just have a controlling personality. “Your mother-in-law may also be experiencing narcissism, or an inflated sense of self and need for constant admiration. These may simply be qualities she embodies, or characteristic indicators of a more pervasive pattern, such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).”
Image credits: Adam Vowles (not the actual photo)
What is your impression of the mother-in-law in the story? Do you think the OP could have handled the situation differently? Do you think parents having keys to their children’s homes is a problem? We would love to read your insight in the comments.
People in the comments were quite disturbed by the MIL's request and how the husband obeyed so their suggestion was for the woman to leave the relationship
Image credits: Kārlis Dambrāns (not the actual photo)
