Online dating is becoming more and more popular in this digital age. You can hear many stories about how couples meet on social media or on dating sites and their relationships are great. However, there is always another side of online dating. I am pretty sure many of us have heard quite a lot of stories about people being catfished or scammed. Did you know that according to FBI reports, online scams have reportedly climbed by over 25% since 2019, with victims losing a record-breaking $547 million in 2021 due to being conned by their virtual love?
But we never think that this could be us. We believe that we know better, we can spot the scammers; however, sometimes it can be almost impossible, especially if we already fell in love with that person despite them not being who we think they are.
More info: Reddit
If your online boyfriend or girlfriend raises suspicion - don’t throw away the possibility that you may have been catfished
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Woman asks if she is wrong for asking her online boyfriend for his social security number to run a background check on him
Image credits: Spiritual-Cookie1070
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
She shares that they have been talking for over a year, but never met in person
Image credits: Spiritual-Cookie1070
Image credits: Jake Guild (not the actual photo)
Also he has asked her for money, which was never paid back, and finds always reasons to not meet face to face
Image credits: Spiritual-Cookie1070
She asked him for his personal information, but he says that he doesn’t have a social security number and refuses to give her any information
Recently a woman took her story to one Reddit community asking its members if she was wrong for requesting personal information from her online boyfriend of one year, such as his social security number or state ID, in order to run a background check. The post gained a lot of attention and has over 6.6K upvotes and almost 7.5K comments.
She starts her story by saying that she is pretty confident that her boyfriend is a catfish. OP shares that they have been talking for over a year, but never met in person or spoken face to face on the phone. Additionally, he has asked her for money, promising to pay her back, but as you may guess - he never did. However, she is defensive as he doesn’t sound like a scammer because he has decent excuses and cares about her.
Moreover, he requested her login information for myid.com in order to complete an application without explaining to the woman the purpose of it. And to make it sound even more suspicious, he won’t allow her to fill out this application herself. Well, as it is sensitive information, OP requested the same information from him, which, again, as you may guess - he didn’t agree to give.
Community members are confident that it’s a scam and that she should be careful and not give any personal information to this man. “What does this person have to do to sound like a scammer? They did everything they could to sound like a scammer but OP refuses to believe it!” one user wrote. “He completely sounds like a scammer. Straight out the scammer handbook,” another added.
Image credits: CafeCredit.com (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda got in touch with celebrity matchmaker and online dating expert Carmelia Ray, who kindly agreed to share her insights regarding this situation, online dating and how to avoid being scammed in online dating.
Well, to begin with, Carmelia stated that the whole scenario screams catfish and the advice number one would be to watch The Tinder Swindler.
However, speaking about the main red flags that indicate a potential scammer in online relationships, the online dating expert shares that creation of reasons and excuses not to meet in real life and countless issues with their internet connection or camera are the biggest ones. “You MUST be able to have a regular and lengthy VIDEO date with your online partner!”
Carmelia shares that with advancement of AI tools, scammers can actually use voice to mask an accent or even hide grammatical errors, when in the past you could at least tell if the scammer was from another country due to a language barrier or poor spelling.
Now, speaking about the verification of the authenticity of someone you are communicating with online, the expert emphasizes that asking for personal sensitive information is a normal request to ask someone you’ve been dating online for the past 3 months or to a point where you are talking about becoming exclusive and eliminating any possibility of finding another partner.
“I would consider it a RED FLAG if my romantic partner was unwilling to show me their identification or a piece of mail that shows their proof of address,” she shared. “You can ask your partner to get verified using a third-party verification tool you agree to use. Another option would be to ask to meet with or speak to one of their family members or best friends. If this person has no friends or any family for you to speak with or meet with - that's another major red flag.”
Finally, “listening and trusting your gut is essential to do when you're entering any new relationship. Unless you are naturally untrusting or have an anxious attachment style, a relationship with your partner should feel good, safe and transparent,” Carmelia shares. It’s important to know and set boundaries around how you want to be treated, communication styles, intimacy, finances and career.
Image credits: Neubie (not the actual photo)
Moreover, Bored Panda got in touch with Margo, a matchmaker and dating expert, who agreed to have a chat and share her insights regarding online dating.
She says that she is often contacted by people who have fallen into the trap of scammers and heard many ‘unbelievable’ stories of people who lost their money, trust and confidence when dating online. “Once the romance scammers have gained your trust and your defenses are down, they will ask you for money, gifts or your banking card details,” she emphasizes.
Margo shares that sometimes scammers will tell you about a large amount of money they need to transfer out of their country and offer you a share; they may claim they can’t afford to pay for a relative's urgent surgery or their credit card doesn’t work to pay the cost of coming to your country.
Also, speaking about the main red flags that may help you identify you are speaking with a scammer, the dating expert lists avoidance of video calls, making promises but always canceling and making excuses, requests to send private pictures or share personal information, and also if their social media looks suspicious or they try to establish a bond too quickly.
So how can you check if you are dating a real person, you may wonder? Margo shares that the simplest trick is to utilize Google and reverse image search. “First upload their photo on Google reverse to check if they pop up somewhere else. They claim to work in a certain company or have their own business? Google it.”
And finally, “When it comes to online dating, your mantra should be ‘if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.’ Unfortunately, that’s something many people using dating sites often ignore and don’t verify a person’s identity before falling in love.”
“If you have any questions concerning dating online, send me a message on TikTok or Instagram with the note 'bored panda' and book a free video call with me.”
Community members are confident that it's a scam and surprised that the author doesn't believe it
