Our friends are like the family we actually get to choose. They fill our lives with fun, laughter, support and sometimes, a shoulder to cry on. They’re the tribe we lean on, confide in and trust. But sometimes, they let us down in the worst possible way.
One guy says that while he wasn’t popular at school, he was lucky enough to have a close-knit group of friends in his street. They spent many afternoons playing Playstation at his house. And when his games started going missing at an alarming rate, he knew it had to be one of them. The teen cooked up an elaborate plan to out the thief, and it saw him paying a hefty price for the next four years.
When his PlayStation games started going missing, he knew one of his friends was to blame
The teen cooked up a plan to catch the thief, and made sure he paid the price for years to come
Toxic friends are more damaging than many of us might realise, here's why you should "take out the trash"
It can be heartbreaking and disappointing when someone you thought was a true friend shows their true colors. Sometimes, it’s as obvious as them stealing from you. Other times, toxicity reveals itself in more subtle ways.
“Friendships can be deeply supportive, but they can also become draining, manipulative or emotionally unsafe, and people often don’t realise just how much it’s affecting them,” says Jacqueline Hurst, a Life Coach and author of How To Do YOU.
Hurst adds that a toxic friendship chips away at your wellbeing in tiny, consistent ways. The most dangerous part, she says, is that it often happens so slowly that people normalise it. “It can erode confidence, heighten anxiety and keep you in a pattern of self-doubt,” explains the expert. “You might feel guilty for things that aren’t yours to hold, responsible for someone else’s emotions, or constantly ‘on edge’ waiting for the next drama.”
Hurst says that many times, we don’t realize just how damaging bad friends can be. Not only to our mental health but our physical health, too. They can negatively affect our mood, our decisions, our self-worth, and energy. Research shows that poor social relationships put us at higher risk of having a stroke, as well as a 36% increase in post-stroke mortality.
Natasha Adamo, a self-help author, relationship guru, and motivational speaker, likens toxic or fake friends to trash.
“You will never be able to see the potential that you know you have until you take the trash that is a fake friend OUT,” she writes. “If you put trash in a bag and keep it in your house, it’s going to stink up your house. And the only people who are going to want to enter a stinky house are those who know they can do whatever they want because they don’t have to treat the house with any more respect than the owner already is.”
Adamo warns that many fake friends are compulsive and/or pathological liars. And that they're only capable of a transaction, not a real friendship.
"A relationship with them adds no real value to your life," adds the expert. "It’s distracting more than it allows you to enjoy the present moment, draining more than it is fulfilling, and you’re always questioning everything that you say and do."
Sometimes, you need to put boundaries in place to protect yourself from harmful friendships. Other times, boundaries aren't enough.
You could choose to distance yourself in a gentle, gradual way, says hypnotherapist Ailsa Frank. "Start making yourself less available so it’s a gradual fade, not a sudden cut-off," she suggests. "Shorten your interactions bit by bit. That way it’s more of a natural drifting apart rather than a big confrontation."
Or, you could cut them out of your life as swiftly as you take out the trash.
"Reclaiming your position as C.E.O of Y.O.U and having a zero-tolerance policy for toxicity is the quickest way to build unshakeable self-respect and confidence," Adamo says.
People praised him for his well-executed and perfect revenge
