Part of a couple’s marriage vows is to love and cherish each other in sickness and in health. One of the worst things you can do is to abandon your spouse in their moment of illness.
This is what a man experienced when his husband decided to file for divorce after his cancer diagnosis. According to him, his other half deemed it “too much” to provide care as he battles his life-threatening disease.
However, things took a sharp turn when the author went into remission, prompting his spouse to reconsider his decision.
Part of traditional marriage vows is for couples to love and cherish each other in sickness and in health
Image credits: Zinkevych_D / Envato (not the actual photo)
But for this man, his cancer diagnosis became a reason for his husband to file for divorce
Image credits: Pressmaster / Envato (not the actual photo)
However, his husband took back his decision after he went into remission
Image credits: Nonamethrowaway6745
People with avoidant attachment styles may urge people to leave their partners when the going gets tough
Leaving a significant other after they’ve been diagnosed with a serious illness is a heartless thing to do. However, such actions may be rooted in the person’s attachment style.
According to licensed clinical social worker and Long Island Counseling founder Stacy Pellettieri, this behavior could stem from attachment avoidance.
As she explains to Bored Panda, it’s due to the fear of loss and abandonment, where the person goes into self-protection mode and avoids the relationship when there is “too much” vulnerability for their nervous system.
“When someone becomes dysregulated easily and does not have coping skills and strategies around triggering situations, they will get caught up in avoidant behaviors in order to stay regulated,” Pelletieri said.
“In these situations, there is an inability to manage the fight or flight response, and avoidance becomes the only coping strategy to bring them into safety.”
A lack of empathy could also lead to reactions like the author’s husband's. According to Pellietieri, the person may deem the situation “unfair” to them and may likewise lack the intuition to understand their partner's need for support.
From the author’s standpoint, having a bit more understanding of his husband’s reaction could soften the blow. As Pellietieri explains, “It may be important to see their partner's emotional response as a trauma response to the situation and not internalize this as a rejection that speaks to their own character flaws or worth.”
Of course, embodying that mindset is easier said than done, which is why Pellietieri also encourages getting support to help shift the focus on health rather than the problem at hand.
Evaluating a partner’s lack of empathy may help in the reconciliation process
The author seemed firm on no longer wanting to stay married to his husband. However, if reconciliation is something he considers down the road, Pellietieri says it may require a lot of thought.
“The partner who was ill will feel hurt and abandoned and will have to explore within themselves whether or not they can understand, without internalizing, their partner's response,” she said.
“They may have to really soul-search about what they want or expect in a relationship and be able to accept their partner's limitations while also being able to share what they need and how they can feel safe again to re-enter the relationship.”
The author felt betrayed and left behind during one of the most difficult times of his life, only for his husband to return once he had recovered. That, right there, is a slap in the face.
It’s understandable for him to no longer want to continue the marriage, which could be the more sensible move to make.
Many readers showed their support
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The man provided an update four years later
Image credits: Susie Burleson / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Ultimately, he shared nothing but good news
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He provided more information to the new developments
Reader reactions remained positive all throughout
