While it can be the right decision, there is nothing fun or exciting about canceling a wedding. You have to call a whole bunch of people and deal with monetary losses, all while trying to process a huge change that’s happening in your life. It’s tough, to say the least.
And while for the guests, this ordeal is much less heart-wrenching or stressful, it still can be quite confusing. What do you do about the travel tickets you purchased? What about the hotel? The clothes? The gifts? It all needs sorting, too.
In this story, a close friend of the bride was not sure how to tread the line of being both supportive and pragmatic. Is there a way to get an expensive gift back without causing extra pain? Scroll down to see what conclusion she came to.
When your friend is going through a tough time, the last thing you want to do is burden them with your concerns
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
However, sometimes it might seem like it’s unavoidable. This is exactly what happened to the woman in the following story
Image credits: hermanmiller.com (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ElevenRecompense
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Expecting to get one's gift back is reasonable
According to common wedding etiquette, if the wedding is canceled, one should return the gifts they’ve received. In the most ideal scenario, you might be able to return all items to the store you registered at and issue the guests their refunds accordingly. If that’s impossible, you might need to send them all back by mail.
You might even need to put on a brave face and call your guests up asking for the best way to handle the return. Many will be very graceful and understanding about it.
When talking to Huffpost, Lizzie Post, great-great granddaughter of late etiquette icon Emily Post, emphasized that trying to keep what you’ve been gifted as sympathy gifts is in bad taste. “No matter what, you're returning this thing.”
Image credits: Tara Winstead (not the actual photo)
Limiting the gift budget might help avoid such situations in the future
The thing that complicates this specific situation is the amount of money the friend spent on the gift. The fact that she would like to get it back indicates that maybe it was too big of a splurge.
Experts recommend refraining from such big sums when buying a gift for the couple. While there, theoretically, are no maximums or minimums, they suggest the following:
- 50–75 dollars for a distant relative or friend
- 75–100 dollars for close friends and relatives
- 100–150 dollars for family (or if you are in the wedding party)
Still, if you wish to be as generous at the author of this story, probably no one will argue with you. However, you’ll have to accept that you might get into a similar situation if things don’t go as planned.
Many had mixed feelings about the situation, understanding the pros and cons of taking back the gift
Others insisted that returning gifts from the registry is a common practice when weddings get canceled
Some, however, felt that insisting on getting the gift back might be a bit too much for the bride at the moment
