Romantic relationships are built on a foundation of trust, communication, and compromise. It’s important that you and your significant other actually get on the same page. However, if one partner dominates the other, constantly pressuring them to do things they don’t want to, then something’s gone very wrong. It’s a question of how long a relationship like that can last.
You’d think that both partners would get a say in how they want to celebrate their wedding. However, one anonymous woman shared how her husband-to-be is forcing her to get on board with an incredibly bizarre family wedding tradition that she’s not comfortable with. Now, she’s genuinely considering calling it quits and calling the entire wedding off. Keep scrolling to read the full story and to see what the internet had to say about such a weird situation.
Wedding traditions can be a beautiful thing... however, not all of them are winners. Some of them are incredibly isolating and uncomfortable
Image credits: Olivia Anne Snyder / unsplash (not the actual photo)
An anonymous bride-to-be spilled her heart online about how she's thinking about calling off her wedding. All because of her fiancé's bizarre family tradition
Image credits: Anthony DeMarino / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Later, she added a couple more details for context
Image credits: anonymous
You need to focus on the essence of the custom and what it actually represents, instead of blindly repeating what you're told
Image credits: Marissa Price / unsplash (not the actual photo)
It’s important to protect your culture and family’s traditions, of course. However, just because generations have repeated a specific thing for decades or centuries doesn’t automatically make it objectively ‘good’ or worth continuing in that specific format.
Some traditions bring people together, strengthen your relationships, and are inclusive. Other traditions can do the opposite, making people feel isolated and uncomfortable. To put it bluntly, you want to focus on doing more of the former and less of the latter.
If your goal is to help everyone feel like a member of your community, which you’re proud of, then you actually have to put in the effort to make them feel accepted and respected.
In this particular case, the bride-to-be doesn’t feel included at all. And it’s her wedding, too! She feels pushed away and powerless. These are not the types of things you should be feeling. You should feel excited to get married, not wonder where it all went wrong. Unfortunately, the author of the viral story deleted her account, so we were unable to reach out to her for further comment.
Saying ‘no’ to your soulmate’s family traditions can be incredibly awkward and difficult. However, if you really find them deeply uncomfortable, it’s important to speak up and have that tough conversation.
If you want to create your own rituals, you need to be willing to have those tough conversations with the older generations
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / unsplash (not the actual photo)
At the end of the day, a wedding unites two families. And your family’s traditions, wants, and needs are important, too. So, you need to look for a compromise. Or even potentially decide to actively create new traditions that you’ll carry forward.
It’s also natural for some traditions to change a bit as time goes by. The way your ancestors did things in the past might not make much sense to you now. You can also keep the essence of the tradition while adjusting the format.
Brides magazine points out that some traditions are more widespread (for example, the father of the bride walking her down the aisle) while others are more niche, specific to a particular family (for instance, passing on an heirloom ring from one generation to the next).
“If you're interested in creating your own customs and rituals, you might have to deal with disappointed parents, especially if they're helping out financially, which could potentially lead to an ugly exchange,” the magazine warns.
“Before you make any decisions, have an open and honest conversation with your family, where you share your vision. Then, ask them for their thoughts and listen attentively. From there, it’s all about compromise. Maybe you include a ritual that’s meaningful to your mom while introducing new ones that you and your partner are excited about.”
Family traditions aren't the only potential issue you'll run into as a couple. Wedding planning is full of potential pitfalls
Image credits: Gift Habeshaw / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Traditions aside, you and your partner might also clash over your visions for the wedding itself. This can lead to a lot of friction and frustration if your desires are radically different.
At the end of the day, there’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ wedding. It’s likely that some things will go wrong, and some details will be different from what you’ve daydreamed about. You probably will have to make compromises. So, be honest with your partner about what both of you are willing to sacrifice.
It’s important to remember that, as a couple, you’re meant to be a team. If you’re not willing to actively listen to each other, put yourselves in each other’s shoes, and work through disagreements, then your relationship might be on rocky ground.
There are other common problems and stressors during the wedding planning stage, too. According to Hitched, some of the main issues that marrying couples fight over include:
- Money and the budget
- The guest list
- Disagreeing over suppliers
- Mismatched efforts in the wedding planning
- In-laws who interfere and cause friction
What are your thoughts, dear Pandas? What would you do if you were in the anonymous bride-to-be’s shoes? How would you react if your future spouse suddenly whipped out a bizarre and non-inclusive family tradition? What are the weirdest and best traditions that you’ve ever seen at the weddings you’ve been to? You can share your thoughts in the comments section at the bottom of this post.
Most internet users who read the story came out in support of the woman. Here are the words of encouragement they gave her
Not everyone was on the same page, however. One person called the bride-to-be out
