Some people are like trees. They put roots down, settle in and stay in one place for a very long time. Others prefer to be like leaves, blowing in whichever direction the wind takes them whenever the time arises. But what happens when the two intertwine and are forced to come to a compromise?
A woman says she’s had to move no less than 25 times during her 10-year marriage, as her husband chases business opportunities. Frankly, she’s fed up and wants some stability... Maybe even a baby. His response? “If you want those things, make them happen for yourself?” While resentful at first, she did just that. Now, it’s backfired spectacularly.
She's had to move 25 times, as her husband chases business opportunites
Now that she's asked for stability, he's telling her to make it happen herself
People were divided, with some understanding why she craved stability and others calling her selfish
The dynamics of the relationship soon started shifting, and she admitted to feeling guilty
People immediately saw red flags and warned that the couple was incompatible
She reappeared unexpectedly years later and revealed that things had taken a wild turn
Can couples have completely different life goals and still make it work? Experts weigh in
It’s a good idea to discuss your long-term goals early in a new relationship. But as we know, life happens, people change and sometimes, the goalposts shift. But does that mean you should go your separate ways? Not necessarily, say some experts.
“Life-goal compatibility isn’t about finding someone traveling on the same road. It’s about finding someone who won’t ask you to abandon yours, and who is willing to walk beside you when your destinations differ,” says Chandni Gaglani, the head of India’s dating app Aisle.
She explains that different ambitions don’t necessarily mean incompatibility, and that two people can want very different things if neither expects the other to abandon what matters to them. The real test, says Chandni, isn’t whether your five-year plans look identical: “It’s whether you can genuinely support a goal you may not personally choose.”
Meanwhile, the experts over at Strategic Psychology say that there are three key aspects to a relationship; each partner’s satisfaction within themselves and then the satisfaction with the two partners together.
They warn that if one partner is unsatisfied with life individually, it will ultimately impact the relationship and even their partner.
“Sometimes we approach big decisions in a manner whereby one party needs to give up their goals. The reality is that sometimes sacrifices from one partner may need to be made to help the other reach their goals,” advise the experts.
They suggest that couples discuss this option and agree that the partner currently doing the sacrificing will get their turn to follow their dreams in future. “It is easier to put your goal on the back burner for a season when you know that your partner is going to do the same for you in the foreseeable future,” notes the site.
Those at Embracing You Therapy agree. They say that like all the ebbs and flows of life, how a relationship balances cannot be viewed in short timeframes and narrow parameters.
"It is important to consider how the balance looks over time, as there will always be incidents and opportunities that are time-limited," explain the therapists. "If one partner’s goals have to take center stage for the next month, then it is essential to prioritize the other person’s goals the following month."
They add that if one partner consistently compromises for the other’s goals, then the couple is not fairly pursuing goals together.
"Even if one of you has a more 'high profile' career, for example, there should still be an agreed-upon standard wherein the other person’s priorities matter, their time is valued, and their support is appreciated," advises the Embracing You Therapy team.
"Brings me so much joy": Many were delighted to hear there was a happy ending
