Someone Asked Women To Share Uncomfortable Truths About Marriage And 50 Didn’t Hold Back

Pregnancy and childbirth are horrendous on a woman's body and are often used by abusers as a control tactic to make harder for her to leave. Honestly girls, if he's pushing you to get a bun in the oven earlier than you would like to, think about what other controlling behaviour you might be brushing off or excusing.

You'll never love *everything* about your partner. There will be things that annoy you and vice versa.

You can throw 100% of yourself into trying to make your marriage work, but if your partner doesn’t contribute or contribute ENOUGH, your marriage can still fail. Your very best isn’t enough to ensure a long and happy relationship—it takes two.

Wives are more likely to get left by their husbands when diagnosed with terminal or seriously life altering illness. Self reported reasons include “I don’t want to take care of her for the rest of my life”, “I have needs she wont be able to meet while sick”, and “I don’t want to go broke paying for all her medical bills.”

That it’s extremely easy to fall into a routine of being more like roommates. And it happens without you really even noticing; then it’s too late.

As people age they change. So do their values, desires and needs over time. People mature and get to know themselves. What they need and now what they need 10 years down the line might be different.
You have to KEEP getting to know and KEEP learning about your spouse over time.

My dear friends husband who seemed like a good person really showed his true colors after her cancer diagnosis. He was all me me me, even when he took her to chemo, stayed and carried on bleating about how tough it was for him to cope. It got so bad the nurses told him to stop coming. He then took to Facebook and did it there, blaming her for abandoning him. He complained about no sex after her kidney was removed and it spread to her bones,breasts and liver. She divorced him and went on to live 5 more years after her terminal diagnosis. 5 glorious years filled with the love of her family and devoted friends. He was vilified for the narcissistic a*hole he was, retired early and disappeared from our company. A real prince among men.

I had a friend who divorced her husband because he changed his mind about kids. Neither of them wanted kids, but one day he decided he did. She told me “he changed his mind, and that’s okay.” It was unfortunate but she was not bitter about it. She knew that sometimes people just change and that’s no one’s fault. Impressed me a lot. I should find out who her therapist is lol

Keep in mind you’re also choosing the father of your children. They can’t help what they’re born into, you can.

More commitment will not make your partner change for the better. Don't marry for potential.

When I was married I had to have my gallbladder removed. My ex came up with every excuse under the sun not to see me in hospital, they ranged from “hospitals make me feel uncomfortable to I will be all dirty after work” (umm go home and shower, then come visit me maybe)
Had my surgery on a Friday and was discharged on Saturday, he refused to come and pick me up, sent my elderly neighbour to do it, when I arrived he told me that he hadn’t eaten since Friday and that the animals hadn’t been fed either, so I had to take care of those things, and he’s still unaware of why I left him

Love is absolutely conditional

Marrying a woman who already had 3 kids from her previous ex husband all under 8 years old and you don't want those kids just the mum. We know you both didn't want us. And kicking each kid out at 17 because you don't want them around has a profound impact on kids. I am that kid. Now you're both 70 and sat wondering why 3 kids and their family's want nothing to do with you. Go figure!

You will not like your spouse every single day. There may be days where you actively dislike your spouse. And that’s normal.

Note: I’m not talking about abusive situations, more adding some reality to typical marriages.

I'm 48 and I've been married 2x. I divorced them both for being c****y, creating more work for me and dragging me down to their sub-par levels. Should I have "picked better"? What am I, a pre-cog? What I've learned is men get married to sink into their depths of slovenliness and have a woman clean up after them, pay half of the bills, give them children for them to ignore, make a nice house for their egos and provide regular sex. So - it's pretty hard to understand all of that up front since they are pretty good at hiding their true intentions and tbh, I don't think most of them do it maliciously. I think that's what they think the price of a pretty ring earns them :). A couple of things they don't mention about marriage: - Men do not think anything domestic is their job. Cleaning, dishes, kids, etc. Not. Their. Job. So - if they do ONE thing domestically related, they think they do EVERYTHING. They also strongly think that mowing the lawn once a week is the exact same as doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, childcare, etc etc. Every single newlywed couple needs to get a housekeeper if you even hope to remain in love with your husband. I don't care what it costs. Don't go out to eat - get a housekeeper. Hell, have only one car lol. Otherwise don't get married. You will hate your life and hate him - because you will be doing everything and he will be playing COD. - Men CAN "see the mess". If he were a king, he would for sure instruct a servant to clean. But, he claims not to see it. He claims that your standards are "too high". He will "do it later". He wants you to "give him a list". BS. He is LAZY and he thinks housework is woman's work. And when he got a wife it's because he was tired of cleaning his own place while you were dating. - Celebrate Christmas? Expect to do it all (as a mom/wife). Don't expect your stocking to be full. SNL even made a skit about it. - If you go on a girls trip, you will come home to a trashed house. - "JUST COMMUNICATE" is total, utter bs. You cannot communicate with someone who isn't listening/understanding. You can talk till you are blue in the face. Many men don't even see women as EQUAL RATIONAL HUMAN BEINGS. Let that sink in. Why would they listen to you? - Always have separate money. NEVER give over your paycheck. You can co-mingle for the joint bills but keep some for yourself and kids. - Men get married when they figure it's time. Sure they love you but it's not at all the same as how you feel about it. Am I bitter? Nah. Disappointed? Kinda. Salty? YES. AMA.

Having children usually doesn’t make your marriage better

Ending a marriage in divorce does not mean the marriage is a failure.

I see too many people believing the length of a marriage is equal to its success. But in my opinion, the success is based on the love between the two people.

My husband is my best friend. I intend to be with him for the rest of my life but I would rather leave him and still love him, than stay married while hating him.

That all the little red flags and small mistakes over the years really do add up and make a diffrence in the long term.

Waiting for marriage to have sex *is* a valid choice. And there are (or can be) good reasons to wait. But what's often promised is a happy and lasting marriage, and/or an *amazing* sex life if you wait (and misery and divorce if you don't). Neither marriage nor human sexuality work that way. A happy marriage and a great sex life take *work* from both parties involved to cultivate, and they're not some divine or karmic reward for playing by the rules.

Being a stay at home partner is really risky and can easily lead to you being abused in some way. You don’t have any income and completely depend on the other partner.