#1
Ultimately, I'd say it was an overall positive experience because I got to see her pull herself back from the edge of being a bridezilla and use her intelligence and reason to control her emotions. It gave me even more confidence in the future of our relationship because I could see that when difficult times or hard emotions come, she's willing to talk through them and recognize that her feelings might not reflect the truth of the situation.
I'd probably have a much different response if instead of sobbing quietly to me privately she threw a big public screaming fit like a full-on bridezilla, but as it is, I think it wound up OK.
Ah, Bridezilla. The monster that emerges when a bride becomes Godzilla, the Queen of the Monsters.
“Bridezillas are known for having unreasonable expectations and emotional outbursts directed at friends, family and wedding vendors due to high levels of stress and demands for perfection,” explains wedding planning site The Knot.
But many experts believe the word “Bridezilla” should be deleted from our vocabulary for good.
"I am very much in favor of losing the term bridezilla. It's denigrating and pathologizing what really is a normal process of responding to a high level of stress. And, most basically, it's a sexist term,” says Dr. Jocelyn Charnas, a Clinical Psychologist who is also dubbed "The Wedding Doctor."
#2
#3
* You want a venue that will let you make a runner out of silk scarves? And do a Sunday afternoon ceremony? Great, Here are the two in our area that do that.
* Chicken, Fish, or beef? Ok, here are the two chicken entries they serve that you would like. No, you can't see the price. I will take care of that.
* Here are the three photography studios that work with our DJ (for the video sound) and the venue. No, that other guy you saw on facebook is not as good, please review these three and choose your photographer.
* Here is Station identification, the one DJ you can choose from. Seriously, I didn't even give her an option on this one. If you are getting married in Southern California this is the only one to use. They do way more than just play music, and having a professional to direct your guests attention makes the entire event so much better.
Over two years later and we still have people telling us how well everything went at our wedding.
Meredith Bartel, a Wisconsin-based wedding planner and content creator agrees. “A bride is never a ‘bad bride’ for setting boundaries or respectfully standing up for herself and her wedding vision,” she told Bustle.
But others argue that it's how you set boundaries that matters. “Getting married and planning a wedding entitles you to love, support, and celebration from loved ones — but not unwavering fawning, acclimating, or self-sacrifice,” says Landis Bejar, the owner of wedding-focused therapy practice AisleTalk.
#4
I didn't realise how unhappy I was in that relationship till I was out of it. Now I'm with someone who is simply amazing and makes me super happy!
#5
#6
It was finally a combination of her mother and his mother alone in a room with her hours before the ceremony that scared her straight. She was not a spoiled girl but she had fully bought into the "today is your day" mindset and didn't actually take the push back from anyone seriously.
There are many reasons a perfectly decent bride might morph into a nightmare "Bridezilla."
One is because they simply cannot manage stress. And as we know, weddings can be a stressful occasion. One survey revealed that 84% of brides felt stressed ahead of, and during, their big day, with over a quarter deeming it the most stressful event of their lives.
"Manage and avoid anxiety triggers," advise the experts from Afa Rose, an online bridal boutique and wedding retailer. "You know yourself and your triggers better than most. Take additional care during this time to avoid anything that can make you frazzled."
#7
I just handed over reins in defeat and got drunk through the whole planning process, ended up being the complete opposite of anything that I wanted. The marriage lasted 2 years 7 months and 3 days.
My group of friends, including my best man, his now wife, a few colleagues, my sister, and her husband, had a betting pool on how long the marriage will last... I found this out the day I told my father (who was in on it) that we had separated
At the time I put it down to the stress of wedding planning and thought no she's not really like this. Nope turns out that she is a spoilt brat and wanted me to take over from her father just pampering her and never saying no because he stated that now she was married it was my responsibility to keep her in the life she used to.
She ended up leaving me while I was deployed and moving interstate taking my son, that was a shock to come home to an empty house. Her reasoning, I said no to her buying a new vacuum and that I didn't love my family enough because I put my work first
4 years later, after a long and messy divorce, I am about to elope to Vegas with my partner as we are happier than ever together. And neither of us want to deal with the bs associated with a "traditional" wedding.
#8
She's definitely a pain in the neck sometimes but so is everyone else. I'm also pretty laid back so a lot of decisions I leave to her because I just don't care. If it's a decision I do care about, I make the decision.
Without her, I wouldn't have the 3 best kids on earth. She's an amazing mom and our kids have our best qualities. We have fun all the time.
I think she was a bridezilla not because she was a crazy person, it was more about making the moment right for everyone and making it a great memory. She had a relatively rough life with her parents and there weren't a ton of great memories. I notice she goes waaaaay out of her way to make great memories for the kids as she's always planning stuff for us to do with them.
I'm gonna keep her.
#9
Also, she was a blackout drunk and cheated on me with several different men. Final straw was when I had to travel out of state to check on my grandmother. I came back a day early, saw used Marlboros in the ashtray - not her brand - I don't smoke - and then I heard grunting and groaning in the bedroom. Yep, there she was. And there he was. And there HE was. Devil's Triangle. Contacted a divorce lawyer the next day, finalized it as fast as possible
Yes, your wedding is a big event. But it is not the be-all and end-all.
"Your wedding is only one aspect of your life — and a temporary one at that," notes Bustle. "Plan wedding-free hangouts with your friends, take care of your mental and physical health, pursue your hobbies, get good rest, and get excited about the life you’re going to build after you get married."
The Afa Rose teams adds that you should balance planning with nurturing your marriage before it starts. "Keep dating each other. Have fun together! Your wedding and marriage depend on it," they warn. "Remembering your special person shifts your attention off the event and onto the love you have for each other. Boom, the bridezilla is neutralized."
#10
#11
#12
But sometimes a bride becoming Bridezilla boils down to pure entitlement. Yes, the big day is mainly about the bride and groom but you should be mindful of making crazy demands just because you're the star of the show.
"While treating your paid vendors like paid vendors is usually acceptable, try not to treat your bridal party like they are hired service providers as well," warns wedding planning site Easy Weddings. "They are friends or family there to do you an incredible favour, not your personal servants, executive assistants, therapists or butlers."
"Treat your bridesmaids, groomsmen, and parents with respect while they help you," it adds, along with a reminder to keep your manners, ask for things instead of expecting them, and be grateful for the people close to you.
#13
But we fought weekly from the day we got engaged to the day we got married over the wedding stuff. My ideas were stupid. If I left all decisions to her, I wasnt involved enough. I couldn't win.
Once it was over, we stopped fighting.
Then we had kids, so we're back to fighting lol.
#14
Big things after the wedding, spent money more quickly than she could make it. I ended up having to take on a second job, already worked 50+ a week, just to cover bills. Would go visit her “friends” in the evenings, found out later on she was going to her BFs.
Handed her separation papers on our one year anniversary
#15
The Afar Rose team agrees. They say it's important to remember that your friends and family can’t jump at your every request. They have their own lives and responsibilities too.
"Always be respectful and understanding," reiterate the experts. "Thoughtful planning and communication coupled with respect go a long way in ensuring you get the enthusiasm and participation needed to make your wedding day a happy success."
#16
I don't talk to her or read emails and texts from her. Full of anger and spite, and I tell her so usually in a reply.
Last year her tax return was deposited in my bank account, and I contacted her to ask for account details so I could transfer it to her. I got a three page email about how if I spent anything she would have lawyers go after me. So I mailed a check to her, the slowest way possible.
#17
After 10 years of extremely passive aggressive behavior and trying to control EVERYTHING I had enough. For four years she threatened divorce as a way to “adjust” my behavior. Finally I had enough and filed for divorce myself.
I grew up extremely conservative and have been shunned by many people in my life, but I’m so happy now. She gets half my money and makes it difficult to see my kids, but I no longer have to feel bad about the small things in life.
I feel like I have a lot of things to say to people that feel trapped in a bad marriage because of tradition. It makes me so sad.
#18
I guess the first warning signs could have been how she said that she had done a project in high school where she planned out her wedding already. She mentioned it multiple times, I guess hinting that she was ready for marriage lol. Also she was kind of a spoiled brat and would argue with me over nothing. Like to the point of tears. For example we drove to Myrtle Beach and I was following GPS. At one point she said I missed my turn so I looked at the gps and I was still good, so I told her we’re fine. She argued that her dad always went that way, but I told her this way was probably faster so the gps routed that way. She cried and argued the rest of the way. Fml.
The real red flag was her reaction to her brothers wedding. Her future SIL had selected her best friend for the MoH, but my ex was still a bridesmaid so it should’ve been all good. But apparently she thought her, uh, extensive experience in planning weddings should have warranted her more input on the wedding and party prep. She kept crying that she wasn’t allowed to give input on the wedding decisions and generally making hell for her brother. I tried to stay out of it (I was reading a song of ice and fire at the time so I was super busy) but one day it kinda blew up.
I was sitting there on the couch reading with her and her parents there, and I’m guessing the bro asked the parents to smooth things over. They brought up the subject and said she needs to stop worrying about their wedding and it’s not her place to fight to make decisions. The argument escalated until they were yelling, and peaked with her demon face screaming at them. Like, red Face full of tears, loud as humanly possible, howler monkey shrieking! I paused reading my book and kinda half looked up at her having her tantrum like wtf. Her parents were like “you have to go and act like this in front of your bf.”
I think that was when I realized we would never get married but I was lazy so I didn’t break up with her on the spot. I felt bad because We were about 26/27 at the time and her parents were probably hoping someone would marry her and she would move out, but I wasn’t going to take that bullet.
While it may not always seem like it, most people do have your best interests at heart. They want to see you happy on your big day. But step on too many toes in the run-up, and people's views of you may very well change.
"Having an entitled attitude is only going to make things more difficult," warns Afar Rose's team. "Avoid meltdowns by remaining kind, having realistic expectations, and working in conjunction with your professional wedding team rather than expecting them to do everything for you or be at your [beck and] call."
#19
It was really awful, to say the least, she is a control freak and well I'm just a very chill and relaxed guy, so I tried to go along with most things and just say yes however you want it, honey. It just stopped working after some time and you know, for a man, there is nothing more important than what color are the flowers and tablecloth are going to be... We don't care!!! (to all women in the world)
I was so glad on the day of my wedding, we had a great time and we ended up dancing, having fun and very drunk, but the previous months were a horror in terms of Bridezilla taking over my SO.
That's why I've already decided that no matter what happens, I'm not getting married again, EVER!