To find out more about what it means to be a perfect bridesmaid and how common drama during wedding preparation is, as well as how to avoid it, Bored Panda spoke with the person who knows it all: Jen Glantz, the founder of Bridesmaid for Hire and The Newlywed Card Game, a 3x best-selling author, a voice of You’re Not Getting Any Younger podcast, and the brains behind Jen & Juice coaching, digital courses, & the Pick-Me-Up newsletter.
Glantz said that while we might think there's unity and peace inside of bridal parties, they are actually filled with conflict and drama. “That's because weddings are filled with decisions, pop-up challenges, and a lot of emotions. When you bring your friends and family into that equation and ask them to stand by your side, while also giving them a to-do list of things you expect them to do during your wedding adventure, it can bring a level of intensity that didn't exist before the wedding within that relationship,” she explained.
A lot of conflicts happen because of lack of communication and expectations, Glantz argues. “So much can be avoided if the person getting married clearly states what they want from their bridal party and the people in the bridal party openly share what they are able and willing to do before the wedding process even starts.”When asked about what it takes to be the perfect bridesmaid for the bride, Glantz said it's so much like being a good friend. “Before you even say yes to being a bridesmaid, have a game plan in mind,” she said.
Glantz’s advice is to reflect on a couple of things: “Understand how much time, money, and energy you can spend on this person's wedding adventure. Say no to things you can't afford or can't do. Be upfront and don't be scared to be honest about your expectations in the role.” Moreover, Glantz argues that “if the person getting married gets mad at you because you can't afford to take three days off work and spend $1,500 on her bachelorette party, then the friendship has bigger issues.”
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“Also, as a bridesmaid, it's important to practice some selflessness in the tough moments. Be there for the person getting married and support them. Let things go that don't really matter so you can help your friend get through the wedding. For example, if you're getting your hair done on the morning of the wedding but it's not perfect, rather than holding up the wedding timeline for you to get it re-done and bringing attention to it (which can stress the bride out), fix it privately yourself and move on,” the life coach and Bridesmaid for Hire explained.
When it comes to deciding who you want to have as a bridesmaid, Glantz suggests thinking about this: “who would you want to get stuck in an elevator with for 4 hours? Those are the people who should be your bridesmaids. Pick people who make you feel calm and loved.” She added that it’s not a good idea to pick people because you feel obligated to.
For the bride who feels very pressured to have the most perfect day in their life, Glantz reminds that no wedding is perfect, just like no day in your life is. “Instead, think about practicing ways to go with the flow, handle emotions, and rebalance expectations before your big day comes to life.”
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I didn’t want a hen do & my hubby didn’t want a stagger so we just had a wee pre-wedding party, it was just cheesey good natured fun including games and stuff. I totally understand that’s not everyone’s idea of fun but, y’know... it was our wedding. She sat apart from us all, audibly making fun of everything we did but I just ignored her because she was always nasty & insufferably ‘cool’ & I didn’t want drama when my sister had organised it & we were having fun.
“E” has stretched ear lobes so I asked her if she wouldn’t mind wearing flesh coloured plugs and earrings to match the other girls. She said yes but on the day she said she’d lost the plugs I’d bought her and had in obnoxiously large black things that really drew your eye but I’m not a maniac, these things happen & I didn’t really care that much.... until I found out she’d been making fun of how she loved throwing the plugs in the bin and that I’m such an idiot, I’d believe her. Why wouldn’t I since I’d only asked her to do it for me as a favour because I liked the earring I bought my bridesmaids, I would never demand someone change their appearance for me.
On my wedding day, she waltzed into breakfast at the venue in her pyjamas with a bucket, claiming she had a migraine and was going to be spewing all day. I knew she was faking because it’s nearly impossible to fake a full on migraine while you’re walking about talking to people & laughing. I suggested that she can go lie down in one of the bedrooms but she aggressively said “I guess I’ll just have to deal with it but I’ll need to have a bucket at the ceremony”. My sister told her that wasn’t an acceptable option and if she needed to go home that could be arranged for her but she didn’t go home nor show any further signs of a migraine. She was snippy for the whole rest of the day & made a scene on the dance floor at night by doing an unplanned choreographed dance with her new friend to a song that we used to dance to when we went out at weekends as kids. It was a kick in the teeth although I was too happy to get upset. Our friendship was never the same after that day & she ended up finishing the friendship in a storm of drama just after I had my first kid. She’s an awful person.
“In the end, you're celebrating a new step you're taking in your relationship. That's all that matters. If the flowers don't look right or a bridesmaid is causing drama, let it go, focus on the good, and have a good time. You staying present and celebrating the good will outshine what goes wrong on your wedding day,” the life coach concluded.
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