Bride Refuses To Make An Exception For SIL’s 4 Kids At Her Child-Free Wedding, Drama Ensues

No two weddings are really the same. Every couple chooses to celebrate love in their own way, whether that means hosting it in a tree house, including bungee jumping, or excluding kids.

The latter is constantly being discussed online because children, as joyous as they are, can sometimes be disruptive. Redditor DarealMistake’s sister-in-law was one of the people who wasn’t happy to accept a child-free celebration. After the bride stood her ground about not wanting kids at their wedding, the family member became upset and refused to come to it at all.

Wishing to solve the situation, she turned to the “AITAH” subreddit to ask netizens if she’s being heartless or reasonable about having a “no-kid” rule at their celebration.

Scroll below to read the whole story and find a conversation with etiquette expert Diane Gottsman and wedding planner Julia Turley, who shone a light on child-free weddings.

Not inviting children to a wedding still stirs up quite a bit of controversy amongst parents who attend them. Despite the couple's best intentions, guests with little ones might be apprehensive about the no-kids rule, hence the sister-in-law’s reaction.

Bored Panda reached out to wedding planner Julia Turley, who kindly painted the kid-free wedding scene.

"Child-free weddings are definitely seeing a spike right now, largely due to the social movement recently to normalize them. Many more couples are opting for events that feel more elevated, classy, and adult-centric. I would say completely child-free weddings aren’t taking over yet, but I am seeing more couples than ever imposing some kind of restriction on their guest list. Maybe this is an age limit (like kids must be older than 5) or a time limit (kids must leave before the reception), but restrictions against child guests are on the rise for now."

We also got in touch with leading etiquette expert and owner of The Protocol School of Texas, Diane Gottsman, who was kind enough to share some tips on how to approach celebrations without kids. She began by saying that “there is nothing wrong with having a child-free wedding, and it’s certainly a personal preference.” However, “they must be navigated with some care and compassion for the parents who feel slighted when their children are not included.”

She suggests that the best way to communicate this decision is by making it clear on the invitation by stating specific names. But if someone asks if they can bring their child or children, consistency is key. “Problems occur when the couple allows some children while not following the same guidelines for others.”

From a wedding planner's perspective, Turley provides more ideas on how to do that gracefully. "To indicate who is and isn’t invited to the wedding, it all starts with labelling the envelope correctly. Envelope etiquette would state that the child is not invited unless it is addressed to the entire family. For instance: “Mr. + Mrs. Johnson” = no kids invited whereas “The Johnson Family” = kids are invited"

"However, I do not think just putting it on the envelope is enough to make decisions clear anymore. The majority of people are not educated on wedding envelope etiquette and many cannot even imagine their child wouldn’t be invited! I firmly suggest putting it on the invitation because of this gap in knowledge. I work with clients to craft a statement that sounds right for them, and one popular option is “We kindly request that children under the age of 18 are left at home for the evening”. On the other hand, a simple “This wedding is an adults-only event” also works fine! Make sure it is on the wedding website too, if applicable."

On the other hand, Gottsman  provided advice on how to deal with parents who can’t leave their little ones at home. “If a person opts out of your wedding because they can’t bring their children, it’s important for the bride and groom to understand and not hold it against them. There are reasons why a parent would want or need to include their children.

For example, if they are traveling and uncomfortable with unfamiliar babysitters, or if a parent with a newborn baby is not comfortable leaving the baby for any length of time. All of these reasons are understandable, and the bride and groom should be understanding of their reasons for choosing not to attend.” She concluded by saying that “child-free weddings work best when the rules aren’t broken for one family and held firm for another.”

Turley also suggested how to deal with parents who refuse to leave their little ones alone. "To hold your own against protests from parents, it is important for couples to decide with their partner what they are allowing before opening the conversation up to guests. Deciding your boundary ahead of time and knowing what you will say to your guests to enforce it is how engaged couples can keep a hold on their event and not be pushed into allowing children to attend who they do not want there."

"If guests push, a simple apology for the inconvenience and a holding to the boundary are my suggestions. It's THEIR wedding! Allowing parents to come for just the ceremony or just the reception can help lessen the blow of leaving their kids at home for so long. If you MUST have children at the wedding but you want to keep them contained, wedding nanny services have been rising in popularity too. Hiring child care to keep the children entertained in a separate area is a great option for those who need their kids nearby but want to enjoy themselves. Hiring a bouncy house is always a hit!

She added that "many couples ask me, “Can I still have a child-free wedding if I allow some exceptions to come?” (For example, their own child or their sister’s kids.) The answer is a resounding YES. You make the rules for your wedding and use your best judgement. You do not have to eliminate all children to have a largely kid-free event."

From the bride’s and groom's perspectives, there are many explanations for why they would decide to have adult-only celebrations. Some may have a tighter budget and can't accommodate guests with kids. Keeping children entertained at weddings can be quite difficult and expensive. This often requires hiring a babysitter or a kids’ entertainer to keep little ones happy. Or setting up a kids’ room with toys, games, and activities like a bouncy castle to occupy them outside. Also, all the young guests need to eat, and all of those expenses can quickly add up.

There's a safety issue to think about too. Certain venues are simply not suitable for children. They may have ponds or lakes on their property that don’t have any railings or other measures to stop them from falling in. Some locations have steep steps, loose grounds, or a busy street nearby - all of which pose a safety risk for little ones. Guests will then be obliged to worriedly watch over their children, which can take away from the fun.

Besides, guests without kids will be able to relax a lot more. They won’t have to worry about where their kids are or what they’re doing. On top of that, there’s no need to juggle nap and feeding time or comfort toddlers when they get hurt or disinterested. Parents will be able to “let their hair down” and have a night off from being a mom or a dad.

There seems to be a consensus that when a couple decides to celebrate without kids for whatever reason, it’s polite to have respect for it on both sides. Thankfully, the original poster’s sister-in-law was able to compromise and find a way to make it to the wedding.