Your partner’s birthday can make you as excited as your own birthday, but with that excitement comes a lot of pressure as well. The pressure to buy just the right gift.
Even when you know someone really well, it can be quite easy to miss the mark if you don’t know what they actually want.
In a story shared online, a woman said she went “above and beyond” to make her boyfriend’s birthday special, even on a tight budget. But despite all the efforts, her partner felt disappointed because she hadn’t bought him a physical gift.
A few months later, he got back at her when her birthday came around.
A woman planned a full day of surprises for her boyfriend's birthday, from breakfast in bed to a surprise party
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
She was on a tight budget but still put in a lot of effort to make the birthday special
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
She explained her financial situation and why a store-bought gift wasn’t possible
Image source: International-East63
A thoughtful intention doesn’t always translate into a meaningful experience
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev (not the actual photo)
Many people actually love buying gifts because it’s a way to express affection and feel closer to someone you love. But at the same time, a lot of people feel pressured to choose the right one.
In a survey, over 1 in 3 (37%) respondents said they feel gift-giving puts too much pressure on romantic relationships, possibly because these gifts can be a representation of their relationship.
“We give gifts because we want to make people happy, give them something they’ll enjoy and signal we care about them. And therefore, we stress about it,” says Elanor Williams, an associate professor of marketing at Washington University.
Exactly 2 in 3 surveyed said gift-giving reflects their feelings for their partner, and 65% said a gift reflects how their partner feels about them.
Some people also try to make gift-giving easier by giving their partner a little guidance.
A survey found that about 44% of people drop hints about what gift they want, and nearly half explicitly tell their partners what they want.
Even then, many people often fall short. They are more worried about impressing or surprising their partners, and not whether the gift will be genuinely appreciated.
Researchers call this the “smile-seeking hypothesis” — we focus on the immediate reaction, the awe or delight when a present is opened, instead of whether it will actually bring long-term satisfaction.
Nearly 44% of survey respondents said they had been disappointed by a gift from their significant other, with women (54%) experiencing disappointment more than men (30%).
Expensive gifts aren’t always better, and sometimes, the simplest gifts can do the trick
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev (not the actual photo)
The woman who shared her story clearly told her partner she wanted an experience as a gift, instead of something material. And her request isn’t anything unusual.
A survey found that 92% of Americans prefer gifts that are experiences rather than material objects, because they create deeper emotional connections and are remembered longer.
“Not everyone will be able to afford expensive gifts. That's when traits like intelligence, creativity and charm could play a role. Doing something like a very laborious date shows your partner how much you're willing to invest in them even if you don't have fungible resources,” says Diego Guevara Beltran, a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Arizona.
Experts believe that one of the simplest ways to get your partner something they will enjoy is to put yourself in their shoes.
“Try to think about what that person might choose for themselves, and let that help guide your decision. That's more likely to keep our focus on the recipient's preferences as opposed to other motives, like our desire to feel thoughtful,” says Mary Steffel, associate professor of marketing at Northeastern University.
Studies suggest your loved ones will appreciate a gift that they actually asked for more than a surprise offering. Your partner will consider it more thoughtful, even if it doesn't feel that way to you.
Ultimately, it isn’t that gifts matter more than effort — it’s whether you understand your partner or not.
The woman gave some more updates on her situation
A lot of people told the woman that she did the best she could for her boyfriend
Some people said cooking, cleaning, and a handmade card don't count as a proper gift
Seven months later, it was her turn to feel disappointed on her own birthday
Image credits: Farzane Mohammadi (not the actual photo)
Her boyfriend asked how she wanted to celebrate, but the day didn’t go as she had hoped
Image source: International-East63
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Comments poured in against the boyfriend, criticizing him for the "tit-for-tat" response
The woman came back with an update on her relationship status
See how people reacted to the whole relationship drama
