Believe it or not, some men still love to tell their partners they “prefer” them without makeup. On the surface, it might sound like an innocent little compliment. But is it really?
For months, a 26-year-old man repeatedly told his 19-year-old girlfriend he preferred her “natural look.” Then one day, while he was getting ready in the bathroom, her expensive makeup bag slipped off the counter and crashed to the floor — breaking almost everything inside.
When she asked him to fix his mistake and help replace the ruined products, he refused and accused her of being materialistic.
Frustrated and confused, she turned to the internet to ask if she was being unreasonable. Read the full story to see how simple questions from strangers helped her uncover a far more sinister truth.
A man told his girlfriend that he accidentally broke her £200 worth of makeup collection
When she asked him to help replace some of the products, he refused and blamed her instead
Unlike makeup, red flags aren’t always so easy to spot
When the young woman posted her story online, she thought she was just dealing with a careless boyfriend. But as readers began breaking down his behavior, they noticed a classic manipulation tactic: DARVO.
DARVO is a psychological trick people use to dodge responsibility when they get caught doing something wrong. It stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. It is a common pattern in toxic relationships, used to confuse victims and force them into submission.
First coined by psychologist Jennifer Freyd, the tactic usually unfolds like this:
- Deny: First, the person completely denies doing anything wrong. They brush off the issue or claim it was just a harmless accident.
- Attack: Next, they go on the offensive. They criticize the person calling them out, often making false accusations to put them on the defensive.
- Reverse Victim and Offender: Finally, they flip the narrative. They play the victim and make the actual victim look like the bad guy.
In this story, the boyfriend checked every single box. Instead of apologizing for destroying her makeup, he denied any wrongdoing. He also attacked her character by calling her materialistic and made himself out to be the victim of her “unreasonable” demands.
Studies show that this kind of behavior can have a severe impact on the victim, especially if the gaslighting continues for a longer time. In fact, some victims of gaslighting even show symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress disorder.
Experts believe that the best way to respond to DARVO is to show them that it doesn’t work. “If you do have to engage, for example, you have to point out their behavior, then you state your case. You be brief, factual, to the point. You don’t necessarily give an explanation,” says Darren F. Magee, a UK psychotherapist.
“Try to stay focused on the issue at hand regardless of what they come back with. Remember it’s not about winning, it’s just about showing them that DARVO doesn’t work,” Magee adds. “You’ve made your point. You set your boundary whether they accept it or not.”
Whether women wear makeup or skip it, society finds a way to judge them
Throughout history, beauty products, clothing, and fashion have been used as tools to control women’s bodies — whether by forcing them to wear them or shaming them when they do.
Even today, it is quite easy to find men who love mansplaining women about how makeup is “oppressive,” acting as if women aren’t already aware of societal pressure.
In ancient times, beauty standards often reflected status and safety. Ancient Egyptians of all genders wore kohl eyeliner for spiritual protection and shade from the sun. But over time, society began tying a woman’s overall value directly to her physical appearance.
While men were judged on their power and wealth, women were taught that their primary worth lay in how pleasing they looked to others. Modern cosmetic industries quickly capitalized on these expectations. Brands built massive empires by convincing women that their natural features were flawed and needed fixing. What began as ancient cultural rituals became a multibillion-dollar industry.
That’s why today, more people are taking that power back and choosing to wear makeup entirely on their own terms. After all, it’s their body and their choice. As experts point out, makeup can be a powerful tool of self-expression and liberation — or, in the wrong hands, a weapon used to control.
“Makeup as a concept does not oppress women,” says makeup artist Siera Taylor. “The basic idea of adorning one’s skin with colour for either practical, ritual or expressive reasons has existed for both females and males within almost every culture dating back as far as human history is recorded.”
When girls are raised to believe they need makeup to be worthy, it causes far more mental harm than good. But when they see makeup as a fun, voluntary tool for creative expression, those hidden risks diminish.
That’s why it can be so harmful when a man tells his partner he prefers her “natural” look. The underlying message is that women who wear makeup are somehow flawed, fake, or less desirable. It makes his personal taste the standard she is expected to meet.
Of course, everyone is entitled to their own preferences. Some people prefer partners with clean-shaven faces, while others like facial hair. Some love bold fashion choices, while others prefer simple clothing. But common sense suggests choosing a partner who already fits your preferences, rather than trying to mold someone into your ridiculous ideal.
Here’s what people in the comments said that eventually helped the woman realize the truth
