Out of all the people you could lie to, your partner is probably one of the worst choices. Once the truth comes out, it can seriously damage the trust between you, and some things are not so easy to come back from.
One Redditor thought her relationship with her boyfriend was going really well. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he started acting differently. It became even more suspicious around his birthday, when she tried to surprise him at work and discovered he wasn’t there.
It turned out he was doing something else entirely, and she had no idea what to make of it.
The woman decided to show up at her boyfriend’s work on his birthday to surprise him
Image credits: Tim Mossholder (not the actual photo)
Instead, she found out he wasn’t there at all
Image credits: William Fortunato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: drobotdean (not the actual photo)
Later, the woman returned with an update and shared the explanation her boyfriend gave for his behavior
Image credits: u/AlpinesFox
The woman stopped talking to her boyfriend after catching him lying about his birthday plans
For a year and a half, the woman felt like she and her boyfriend had a strong relationship. They got along easily and were usually able to resolve disagreements without much trouble. That started to change in May, when he suddenly became distant and stopped including her in parts of his life.
The shift was hard to ignore. Someone who once kept her updated about his day was now barely sending her a goodnight text. At one point, he showed up on a motorcycle she had no idea he had even bought. They eventually started talking and seeing each other more again, hoping to improve their relationship, yet she felt his behavior continued to get worse.
Then came his birthday. He had repeatedly told her that he wanted her to spend the day with him and his family, but said he would be working that morning. She decided to stop by his workplace and surprise him. Instead, a coworker told her he was not scheduled to work at all.
It was not the first time his plans had failed to match what he told her. The day before, he had also said he was working, only for her to later find out that he had been at the beach with a friend. After spending weeks telling her he wanted her around for his birthday, his behavior left her struggling to understand why he seemed to be going out of his way to keep her away.
Eventually, she told him she was done with contact for the time being. She explained that she had always been comfortable with him spending time with friends or making plans without her. What bothered her was that instead of simply telling her what he wanted to do, he repeatedly gave her information that was not true.
An update later added some more context. Her boyfriend had actually quit his job that Monday, despite telling her that he was still working. He also said that his boss and friends had described her attempts to find him as much more dramatic than she remembered them being. According to the woman, she had simply asked a coworker whether he was working and contacted two friends to ask where he was.
Her boyfriend eventually admitted that he had been hiding his plans because he thought she would be hurt if she knew he was choosing to spend time with his friends instead. For her, though, the dishonesty caused far more damage than the plans themselves would have. She said she had only asked him to be open with her, so she was not ready to accept his explanation or resume contact.
She had initially wondered whether another woman might be involved, but said she found nothing to suggest that was the case. In the end, the problem appeared to be much simpler: rather than telling his girlfriend that he wanted to spend time elsewhere, he avoided the conversation and repeatedly misled her.
Repeated lying can become a serious form of betrayal and slowly wear away at trust in a relationship
Image credits: Kleiton Silva (not the actual photo)
Betrayal in a romantic relationship is not limited to cheating. Lying can also damage trust, especially when it happens repeatedly. The same can be true when a partner constantly lets you down or makes you feel like you are no longer a priority.
One study on the effects of intimate betrayal found that 30% to 60% of people who experienced romantic betrayal reported symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, or anxiety. Betrayal trauma may also affect a person’s self-esteem and make it harder to trust future partners.
Still, betrayal does not always mean a relationship has to end. Experts suggest thinking about how much the relationship means to you, whether both people have changed over time, and whether the person who caused the hurt is willing to take responsibility. At the same time, no one should feel pressured to stay in a relationship that no longer makes them happy.
Sometimes, it is not a dramatic affair or a major secret that causes the most damage. Repeated dishonesty can slowly wear away at trust until a person starts questioning the relationship altogether.
For the woman in this story, the issue was not that her boyfriend wanted to spend time with his friends. It was that he kept hiding it from her instead of simply being honest.
What did you think of how everything played out? Would you have given the boyfriend another chance, or would the repeated dishonesty have been enough for you to step away?
In the comments, the woman shared more details about what had happened
Many readers felt that, after everything her boyfriend had done, the best thing she could do was break up with him
