Woman Confused After Boyfriend Learns ASL For Her Deaf Brother, But Friends Say It’s Creepy

When people care about someone, they can go to great lengths to make sure they’re alright, to help them, if need be, or simply to put a smile on their face. But for some individuals, such devotion might seem suspicious, for reasons only known to them.

Take this redditor, for instance. After she brought her boyfriend to meet her family, he started secretly learning ASL (American Sign Language) so he could communicate with her deaf brother. But, for some reason, her friends deemed the gesture creepy, putting thoughts into the OP’s head.

Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with the OP, who shared more details about the situation surrounding her boyfriend’s gesture.

In a recent interview with Bored Panda, the OP shared that Jon’s gesture surprised everyone in the family. She said that she had no idea that her boyfriend was studying ASL, so when he used it to greet her brother, Trev, and ask how he was doing, she was quite taken aback.

“He didn't even make a big deal out of it. He just started signing out of the blue, and I even had to do a double take. We were all shocked and touched by it. Trev was ecstatic when he saw Jon using ASL, and my mom even hugged him,” she recalled.

“Trev has a circle of friends from his high school, and they are all fluent in ASL. His best friend is hard of hearing as well. Despite this, he is a very socially awkward and shy person who has difficulty making friends. However, once you get to know him, he's actually pretty talkative,” the young woman shared.

“When he and Jon met for the first time, they instantly clicked. Then, when Jon started signing during our second visit, Trev couldn't believe it. Outside of our family and his circle of friends, no one really bothered communicating with him through ASL, much less learn it specifically for him. Jon was the first new friend Trev has made in a long time, and we all really appreciate how much effort he put into making sure that my brother felt included. Trev even jokingly told me not to mess up my relationship with Jon, because if we break up, he'd choose Jon over me.”

Some sources suggest that, as of 2014, roughly 3% of the adult population in the US were ASL users. Enabling the deaf and hard-of-hearing community—as well as hearing people who choose to learn it for one reason or another—to communicate easier, American sign language was created in the early 1800s. Its history started with Dr. Thomas Hopkins Gallaudet, a minister from Hartford, Connecticut, who went to Europe to learn educational methods from several accomplished deaf educators there. Upon returning to the US, he established a school that is now known as the American School for the Deaf.

In an interview with Bored Panda, the OP shared that after reading about Jon’s gesture, numerous members of the deaf and hard-of-hearing community reached out to her. “People have been reaching out to me saying how much they appreciated Jon's efforts for my brother, and it would most likely be something my brother would never forget. Some people even offered to give Jon free ASL lessons.

“I'm just so glad that this issue has brought to light the importance of learning ASL and being inclusive, and that everyone should see individuals with disabilities as actual human beings who are just as capable of achieving more given the right opportunities,” she said.

Talking about her friends’ views towards Jon and their reaction to him learning ASL, the redditor admitted being unsure why they reacted the way that they did. “None of them have met Jon except my guy best friend. They met the same day Jon first met my family during my mom's birthday. The three of us had breakfast at a diner, then Jon even offered to foot the entire bill. I thought we had a great time, so I don't know what made my best friend suddenly turn on Jon.”

She continued to share that because of her lack of experience with relationships, she turned to her friends, who were more experienced, for advice and validation. However, seeing the response from the online community made her wonder if she should trust her gut feeling more.

“When I posted, I had a lot of doubts and worries because nowadays, there's something new almost every week where people are like ‘oh, this is a red flag’ or ‘oh, this behavior is actually abusive’ or something similar. When I started dating Jon, I felt like a fish out of water. I know many people see this as naive or even downright stupid, but as I had never really dated or had a relationship before, I turned to my friends who have more experience in this area for advice and validation. I [also] tend to second guess a lot, and I thought that maybe having friends to help me out would be an advantage.

“However, seeing the response from the community, I've learned to trust my gut and instincts more. I also realized the importance of surrounding myself with people who have the same values as I do, including being family-oriented. Of course, I got to appreciate Jon more for all the efforts he has put into our relationship and see how much he actually cares for me and my family,” the woman shared.

The OP noted that the response from the community entailed both the good and the bad. Some people called Jon a green flag and said plenty of wonderful things about him, while others focused more on her friends, making some less positive comments. And while the redditor saw where they were coming from, she said that there are still some nuances to their friendship.

“Right now, I'm still assessing and processing everything. My high school friend group has a Christmas get-together next Saturday, and I'm planning on bringing Jon along so my friends can meet him, and hopefully, change their opinions of him. Hopefully, I can get to the root of their issue with Jon and resolve things! These friends helped me survive high school. They're not the conniving or evil type that some people paint them out to be. For now, I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt, but I don't think I could just cut them off without at least trying to reconcile things.”