Relationships should be built on trust, love, and care. Obviously, some of these pillars won’t always be as strong as they should be, but ultimately, the couple decides whether to work on them.
But some things can’t be fixed with time, patience, and hard work. Some people wave big red flags and then try to hide them at the last minute. That’s what happened in a story shared on r/relationship_advice, where a woman discovered that her boyfriend’s supposed family trip didn’t even show up on flight-tracking websites, leading to some rather unfortunate conversations. Here’s what happened.
Relationships between people from two different countries come with their own hurdles
But a woman never expected that her boyfriend, who was supposedly going on a trip to visit family, would lie about his whereabouts for the entire trip
The man was a pitch-perfect example of a manipulator, according to experts
While the trip was the biggest indicator of a lie, the couple was apparently reaching what experts call the “90-day mark,” when they claim the mask starts to slip. According to this theory, during the first 12 weeks of dating, people tend to behave their best, often while still in the honeymoon phase. However, after three months, red flags may show up, and hidden lives become obvious.
Moreover, the boyfriend also showed behavior psychologists call “trickle truth.” This is when someone reveals the smallest possible detail of a lie after being caught with undeniable evidence, then invents another lie to cover up the rest, and so on. In this case, every time something new came to light, he changed his story using a “yes, but...” strategy.
And, of course, there was also the obvious gaslighting. Psychologist Jennifer Freyd developed the DARVO concept, which stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. This manipulation tactic involves denying their actions, attacking the person confronting them, and shifting the roles of victim and offender. The boyfriend followed this pattern when he immediately told the woman she had trust issues.
Geographically, the man's lies didn't even make any sense
If it weren’t for the narrator’s sleuthing skills, which came from a place of concern rather than suspicion, the man might have kept up the lie, even though none of it made sense. Apparently, a train journey from Nice, France, to Calabria in southern Italy would take at least 15 to 20 hours. This made his claim that he flew to France just to take a day-long train ride to the tip of Italy even less believable.
Plus, the man tried to explain why the flights weren’t showing up on flight-tracking websites, though that excuse didn’t make much sense either. Aviation experts say aircraft tracking relies on systems like ADS-B transponders, while public flight schedules provide additional information. A last-minute destination swap from Ibiza to Brindisi without any schedule changes would raise serious operational issues in European airspace.
And from here on out, experts recommend that when dealing with chronically dishonest partners, it’s often better to cut off all contact completely. This helps prevent hoovering, a manipulation tactic in which someone tries to draw a former partner back into a relationship. But tell us, Pandas, would you have handled this situation as gracefully? Let us know!
Netizens were quick to point out that non-trackable flights just are not a thing in Europe
In an update, the woman shares that the man kept trying to contact her, but ultimately, she didn't fall for his manipulation tactics and lies
Many readers were concerned about the dog's well-being, but the author assured them that the pup was safe with plenty of food and water at the man's home
Yet in another update, the woman shared all the lies the man ended up telling to try to make sense of his whereabouts
People online were happy she didn't fall for his lies, and that she prioritized her own boundaries
