When you are starting a relationship with a person who has children, you are entering a family and it can get tricky if you don’t really get along with them or don’t agree with the person’s parenting style.
For Reddit user PoloPurr, it wasn’t just tricky, but an actual disaster instead, and she had to break up with her boyfriend of one and a half years because she was tired of his destructive daughter and his incompetence as a parent.
More info: Reddit
A woman with a child started a relationship with a guy who also had a kid, but she wasn't ready for how different she was from her son
Image credits: yamunah2002 (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) is a mom to an 11-year-old boy and for a year and a half, she was seeing a guy who has a daughter who will turn 10 soon. The mom is proud that her son is well-behaved and communicates with her when he wants something, but that is not the case with the girl, as she witnessed when the couple started visits with the kids.
It seems that the boy and the girl get along, but Chrissy is very destructive and keeps ruining the walls, the mattress, using up shampoo and conditioner all at once. It is hard to talk to her about her behavior because she starts stomping and knocking things off the walls.
The couple started spending weekends together and they were glad that their children were getting along
Image credits: PoloPurr
The OP isn’t the girl’s mom, so she doesn’t think she has a right to parent her, but she is also not satisfied with how her partner handles her misbehaving. All he does is tell his daughter that she knows she shouldn’t do that, to which the girl replies that she already heard him the last time.
Despite all the troubles, the OP allowed her boyfriend to come with his daughter for visits on weekends. But this time was the last, because after having to leave for a little bit, the OP came back home to Chrissy cutting pictures from a photo album from the time she was in foster care and had pictures of her dead friends she didn’t have copies of.
But when the girl came to OP’s house, she would always ruin something like the wall, the mattress or use up the whole shampoo bottle
Image credits: PoloPurr
The photos had sentimental value and it was heartbreaking to see them destroyed, but what was even worse was that her boyfriend didn’t seem to care about it. So she ordered them both out and ended the relationship then and there because she couldn’t deal with her things being destroyed by his daughter.
In the comments, the OP added that she doesn’t know where parts of the photos are because she couldn’t find them in the trash, so the girl must have taken them, because otherwise, the woman would have taken them to restore.
The dad wouldn’t discipline the girl and the OP didn’t think it was her place to be the parent for her
Image credits: PoloPurr
According to Harley Therapy, losing something loved that isn’t a person can cause similarly devastating emotions to mourning someone’s death. But it usually isn’t the “actual thing itself that we are mourning. It’s what the thing represented to us” that’s why it makes us feel emotional.
We can only guess what the photos represented to the OP, but it’s quite clear that she was over the disrespect both from her boyfriend and his daughter who kept disregarding her requests not to destroy her belongings.
However, she decided to end the matter after the girl took her photo album and cut up her childhood photos for her scrapbook
Image credits: PoloPurr
Also, it is quite concerning how the boyfriend didn’t think cutting up photos is a big deal, because 65 percent of Americans who participated in a survey initiated by Shinola said that the most cherished family items are photos. So even if the OP's boyfriend didn’t care for his own family photos, surely, he should understand that others may.
Granted, people nowadays take pictures of everything and our phones are full of random photos that don’t really mean a lot to us, but the ones that show a time that you can't go back to are different. They show your life story and your history. They reflect who you are and where you came from.
Image credits: PoloPurr
They are a material expression of when you lived a different life with different people and even though nothing can take away those memories, it’s nice to have something tangible to display them.
UK behavioral psychologist Jo Hemmings says that looking at pictures actually evokes positive emotions because “Our photos remind us of people, pets, places and activities that we love as well as helping us to remember the past. This has been shown to reduce our stress and enhance our mood and overall wellbeing.”
If the photo is funny or captures important and fun moments of your and your loved ones’ lives, it “reduces cortisol and adrenaline, which are the hormones responsible for anxiety.” And if you have those photos put in a place where you can constantly see them, they “provide regular psychological positive reinforcement by reminding us of ‘social bond enhancement’ – essentially what and who are important to us.”
The boyfriend didn’t think it was a big deal, but those photos had important sentimental value to them
Image credits: PoloPurr
Image credits: Evan Delshaw (not the actual photo)
People in the comments didn’t have trouble understanding why the girl ruining the OP’s photos pushed her to break up with her boyfriend and were surprised that she lasted that long. They also pointed out that the guy probably isn’t a good father because such behavior from a kid usually means that they are not getting their needs met and in this way they are asking for attention.
Do you think the OP was being a jerk and overreacted in the situation? Do you agree with other redditors who said that she was right to break up with the man? Also, do you think it is possible to be with someone and love them but not love their kids? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
People in the comments sympathized with the OP and supported her decision to cut the ties with that man
