Probably the most important thing we can do in life is grow a thriving social network of people we deeply care for and can depend on. However, relationships and friendships need to be nurtured—they won’t survive on their own. While many people have taken this to heart, unfortunately, some folks forget this and walk away from friendships, which can lead to loneliness and social isolation. Meanwhile, others can find it difficult to connect with others due to chronic pain or other issues.
The members of the r/Millennials online community recently opened up about a very sensitive topic. They revealed their personal experiences about how much meaner their parents have begun acting as they age. You’ll find their candid stories, about these and opposite experiences, as you read on.
#1
I think one thing we don’t acknowledge is many older people are in constant pain of some sort.
Arthritis, gout, muscle pains and aches, etc.
Arthritis, gout, muscle pains and aches, etc.
I’m not saying it’s an excuse, but when you’re in chronic pain it’s hard to be chipper and cheerful. People who can be in constant pain and still be nice are extraordinary humans.
I’ve found most grouchy old people are actually in lots of pain, and aren’t necessarily evil or bad people.
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68points
As we age, it becomes increasingly more important that we take care of our physical health. Aside from having an active social life, we ought to focus on getting enough movement throughout the week.
The CDC recommends that adults who are 65 and over do 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity, e.g. brisk walking 30 minutes per day, 5 days per week. Alternatively, you can go for 75 minutes of vigorous-intensity aerobic activity. This includes awesome activities like hiking, jogging, or running.
On top of that, seniors should spend at least 2 days per week strengthening their muscles.
#2
For all the talk they make about "We didn't have all these screens when we were your age," I think social media is wreaking havoc on the older generation as much as the younger.
64points
#3
I haven’t experienced that. I work with the geriatric population & can tell you that personality changes like this can be signs of developing dementia.
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61points
Research has unequivocally shown how vital it is to have a thriving social life. An 80-year Harvard study, currently run by Dr. Robert Waldinger, has shown that the foundations of leading a good, long, and happy life are made up of our close relationships and social connections.
To put it simply, our positive relationships act like a buffer from whatever stress life throws our way. This leads to better overall health, helps reduce our cognitive decline, and affords us better protection against diabetes, arthritis, and other chronic conditions. Aside from making us feel good and making life feel meaningful, our relationships have a very direct impact on our health.
#5
My Silent Gen mom gets meaner and more passive aggressive by the day. She’s angry and social media keeps her raging, afraid, and marinating in conspiracy theories. I rue the day I ever got her an iPad and set up a FB account. It’s utterly tragic.
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57points
#6
Having a 24hour news agency tell them how much they should be outraged about everything makes for bad company. MAGA brain rot is something that will be studied for a while assuming we don’t go all Fury Road in the next couple years.
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56points
According to Dr. Waldinger, people must be proactive when it comes to their social lives, instead of letting their friendships ‘happen.’ “The people who were most successful at this didn’t just leave it to chance,” he said that folks ought to nurture their relationships in person.
Failing to do so has a deeply negative impact on people’s quality of life. This is why we have to take care of our friendships.
The CDC reports that social isolation and loneliness increase the risk of heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, addiction, dementia, and self-harm.
#7
I work in retail and see this all the time with boomers. They’re all reasonably nice people for the exception of some. But what's really interesting is the commonality they share when it comes to something not going exactly right. Unlike other generations, every single one of them have this tendency to get super flustered like it's the end of the world if there's a minor price difference or if their coupon isn't eligible.
And what's shocking is that both my parents are exactly the same. Totally chill and great to be around...until something doesn't go according to plan. That's when the stress kicks in and everything falls apart. It's like some weird autistic thing.
My take, though? It's the erosion of Western civilization that has them all worked up. I mean, think about it. In their entire lives, every year was always better than the last, especially when it came to retail service. But somewhere along the line, we peaked and now we're falling and this is reflected in the quality of service you see in retail. They grew up expecting a certain quality of life overall and now they're experiencing faults left and right but because they’re experiencing this at an older age, it's much harder for them to cope and adapt.
Whereas people in my generation or younger grew up either at the peak, itself or around the downward slope, so we grew up with the erosion, which makes it easier for us to deal with things like poor service or just something going wrong.
Yeeeeah, the one benefit to stocking shelves all day is that it gives you so much time to observe and contemplate. So I've had a lot of time to think about this lol
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49points
#8
This thread makes me feel lucky my dad is just a normal 65 year old boomer with dumb quirks and habits but not insanity.
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43points
#9
My dad, 100%. He went from someone suggesting helping others was a sign of strength and something we should do when able—often taking unhoused people with us to get food, stopping to help injured animals he found, etc.—to someone suggesting even appearing to need help was a sign of weakness.
He became very money oriented and selfish, only reversing course when he needed something medically…then once he got it returned to form and was a monster of a person. He started making racist jokes, never had up to that point, and looking down on anyone that wasn’t living in a big house with two rental properties.
I blame Fox & Rush Limbaugh for decades of turning him into what he became. Fox was always on in his house and he listened to Rush Limbaugh religiously. I shed only one tear once he passed, and never in front of anyone.
38points
No matter how you spin it, proper friendships are about creating a give-and-take relationship centered on respect, generosity, reciprocity, and support. Real friends have your back no matter what, through thick and thin.
On the flip side, fake friends are often only there for you when times are good. However, when you’re in need of a helping hand or emotional support, they’re nowhere to be found.
#10
My mother has gotten more and more childish as she aged. She's 73 now and her emotional maturity clocks in at about a teenager. Burned so many bridges with her children and friends. Entitled, lacking empathy, and super judgmental (while saying she's not at all!) Sometimes I wonder if our parents are changing or we all just grew up and are able to see that they were always this way.
Edit: Rereading the question, I want to add that my grandmother was decidedly not this way. The difference was that she had a strong community of peers and local institutions around her and way too old (born 1920) to have gotten sucked into the digital age.
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34points
#11
These are the people running our country and literally every system that exists.
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34points
#12
My mom is in her 70s now. We ( rest of the family) are cajoling her to start testing with a neurologist, we think it's dementia but maybe it was strokes. Rage is part of it.
I believe there are tons of issues but it's more than "Boomers being fools" but one of them is if medical advancements were where they were at 30 years ago they'd be dead. Obviously some people were always mean but had more social inhibition, some of this is mental decline. On top of untreated anxiety, depression etc. then all the lead and all the rage bait media.
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30points
What are your thoughts on the topic, dear Pandas? Have you noticed changes in the way your parents treat other people as they age? Have you ever struggled with loneliness or social isolation yourselves? Have you ever had to rebuild your social network from scratch? If you feel like opening up a bit, you can do so in the comments.
#13
I'm going through something extremely hard right now and had to inform my parents. Their lack of emotional understanding and support is so apparent and astounds me compared to the two friends and two siblings I reached out to and who have been so helpful and supportive. I don't understand how I could have such helpful siblings while my parents are so useless and out of touch. But honestly my parents never were very nice to begin with.
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29points
#14
My husband says his parents have always been like "this", they just used to pretend with outsiders. Now they don't. It's truly like a monster thinking it's wearing their mask but the damn thing has peeled off a long time ago.....
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25points
#15
What your describing sounds like narcissism. You mention they were always a bit arrogant, and list their education. Narcissist, especially grandiose ones, will often hold higher degrees or positions as they see it as their "rightful place". The dinner parties are another sign of this. Yes it's socializing, but it's also showing off. Narcissists tend to get worse as they get older because before society treated them with grandiosity they thought they deserved. But now their old people, old people who aren't treated with reverence, who don't have people snap to attention like their secretary or underlings used to when they were working. They don't have people to boss around, like they did at their jobs. So all that pent up "I gotta be in charge of someone" is gonna come out somewhere. For the unfortunate clerk they bore the brunt of that rage bc in your dad's eyes they weren't snapping to attention fast enough, or bending over backwards to kiss his butt and pamper him like he thought he deserved. He was being treated exactly how everyone else was, and more so how an old man is treated. That blow to a narcissists ego is devastating, and because their ego is so thin, and their emotional control is so fragile, they have a giant toddler tantrum.
Think back to your own childhood, were your parents excessively controlling of you or siblings, especially when out in public. Perhaps phrases like "you represent the family" were used often.
It seems the boomer generation had an exceptionally high amount of narcissists. What do you expect when life was handed to them on a silver platter. But now they are old people, in a broken economy, being served by a younger generation who is over worked, underpaid, and just dead inside from all the narcissistic boomers having adult tantrums bc the ticket printer smudged the ink. Sure this could be early dementia, but what your describing sounds more like narcissism.
Think back to your own childhood, were your parents excessively controlling of you or siblings, especially when out in public. Perhaps phrases like "you represent the family" were used often.
It seems the boomer generation had an exceptionally high amount of narcissists. What do you expect when life was handed to them on a silver platter. But now they are old people, in a broken economy, being served by a younger generation who is over worked, underpaid, and just dead inside from all the narcissistic boomers having adult tantrums bc the ticket printer smudged the ink. Sure this could be early dementia, but what your describing sounds more like narcissism.
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23points
#16
I noticed this happen with my parents and their neighbors next door. Solid friends for 7 years and then my dad flipped out one day this Fall about religion to the neighbor wife. Just blew up the relationship because he doesn't believe in God and she does.
It was very eye opening as I heard about it from the wife after a month or so and not from my parents. My dad called me to tell me not to talk to her and then went into a tirade how he and my mom have known plenty of crazy women through the years and all these women are just bat s**t.
I could not help but think that while I do love my dad, the common denominator in these relationships is him. And when the wife relayed what happened (straight from the notes she wrote directly after the event) it was 1000% how my dad has historically behaved towards me when blowing up and it had me tearing up on the phone because he had been very mellow for a long time now and I thought he had chilled out with age.
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17points
#17
I legit said this to my dad the last time I was at their house. He sat on his phone the whole time, and I was like "that thing's going to rot your brain." and he scoffed at me, and still sat on his phone. Like, if I had a nickel for the number of times he yelled at us kids to turn off the TV growing up, I'd be rich.
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17points
#18
Old people are grumpy, often. This is not new. I feel a little bad for them these days as life and technology change so fast it’s easy to be left behind. Every time I trouble shoot my home entertainment set up I think about how a lot of old people probably just have to say, well the sound doesn’t work until whoever can come over and fix it. Tech breakdowns can be infuriating to even young people, and tech companies have completely stopped providing support of any kind. Lots of products don’t even really have instructions anymore.
Getting old sucks, and you also have Fox News Brain. It’s no excuse for bad behavior but it may explain it.
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16points
#19
Spoiler alert: cognitive decline comes for most people who live long enough
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16points
#20
Their aging and changing is bringing out the traits they were able to repress or play down when they were younger. It's truly a nightmare
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16points