50 Stupid Things People Did On 'Brain Autopilot,' According To This Viral Thread

Jumped out of bed frantically. Put my clothes on. Brushed all the s**t on my floor under my bed..paused. And realised its 3am in the morning and I don't have school. I'm 23.

My sister had a brain fart and left the water running in the kitchen.

I went to turn it off, and flipped the kitchen light switch. Repeatedly. Then started cussing when the switch wouldn't cut the water off. Then got my tool box and started taking the faceplate off the light switch so I could see why it wasn't cutting the water off.

At that point my other sister, who witnessed all of this, kindly pointed out that I had lost my ever loving mind and cut the water off herself.

When I was around 13 or 14 I woke up in the middle of the night, in my own bed and room, and thought to myself: I need to go home before my parents realize I'm not home. So I sneak out of the house, part of me obviously aware that my parents were sleeping and I needed to be quiet, and walked a block away. Then I realized I had been in my own room and just thought what the hell am I doing. So I walked back and snuck back into bed. So weird

After an 8 hour day of cashiering at Target(which has so many robotic-small talk conversations), I stopped at the dollar store. The conversation went something like:

Cashier: Hi, how are you?

Me: Good, how are you?

Cashier: I'm good, thanks.

Me: That's good. Did you find everything okay today?

That conversation was had to the effect of everyone in line and the cashier looking at me like I was psycho.

edit: I'm glad I'm not the only one who's done awk things on cashier autopilot! And thanks for the gold! <3

I once got my car impounded via brain-autopilot.

I lived across the street from a gas station and didn't drive very often. Once I was filling it up, went inside to buy something, forgot I was getting gas, and walked home.

A few days later I reported my car stolen since I couldn't find it in the apartment garage. About a month later I get a call from the police, saying my car had gone up for auction and only then was it discovered it had been reported stolen. I had to pay about $1500 in impound fees to get it back.

Definitely one of the dumbest things I've ever done.

There was a 6.0 earthquake at about 3 am so i was asleep. The quake lasted 20 seconds and I woke up about 16 seconds in standing in the hallway hugging a vase. What the f**k.

The night before my very first day at work where I have to bring my own lunch. I got all the ingredients out to make my sandwich for tomorrow and immediately after I made it I walked into the living room turned on the tv and ate it.

Tried to turn the sun off.

Bad hangover, opened my back door, feeling for the light switch.

No light switch, the light was day.

Came into work to work front of house after several extended nights of profound insomnia. I was holding up ok until a gal walks up with a dog in her arms. I always chat people up about their dogs because A. Dogs are awesome and B. people love to talk about their dogs, and often tip a little more when they feel like they've actually connected with you.

Today though... I didn't have two neurons to rub together to break from the script of "hey what can I get you... here's your total... do you want a receipt?" and so I lean over the counter like a drunk, lock my sleep-starved, unfocused googly eyes on this poor lady, and blurt out-

"your dog. Who is he" and then expectantly stare at her like that was a normal and not at all insane thing that I just kinda vomited at her. She kinda stared at me and clutched her dog a little closer and I think I probably went a little cross-eyed and tried to salvage the conversation by talking more. I don't remember what I said but it was definitely not an improvement on the situation. It may not have even been a coherent sentence.

Let's just say that now whenever I'm looking for my phone, the first thing I check is to see if it's currently in my hands.

I meant to put a brand new roll of toilet paper on the roll and instead just plopped it in the toilet.

Walked into the bathroom at work to pee, and instead of unzipping my fly, I unbuttoned my dress shirt, took it off, then took off my white undershirt as well. Then realized I was standing shirtless at a urinal and wtf'd.

Put cat food in the coffee maker. 10/10 would not recommend.

Trying to get into a random person's car because I thought it was my friend's. The person whose car I was attempting to break into was very terrified.

Grabbed milk from the fridge

Grabbed a dinner plate from the cupboard

Began tilting the gallon jug toward the dish

Was about to pour myself a plate of milk when my mom walks by and asks what the f**k I'm doing

Applying deodorant on my armpit with my shirt still on.

I was trimming a raw chicken breast and saw a spider in my kitchen. I screamed and immediately threw the chicken breast at the spider and embedded it in the meat. Whoops.

Edit: to those asking if I ate the chicken breast afterwards: I forgot to mention that the spider was on the floor.

I picked up my toothbrush to brush my teeth but I also had the urge to p**s, so I obviously toss my toothbrush into the toilet.

Swished my mouthwash for a solid 30 seconds and then just spit it on the floor where I was standing.

I tried to mail my buddy a check, and it had been a while since I mailed anything. Long enough to forget how mail works apparently. What I did was I wrote my name and address in the center, and his name in the upper left hand corner. The letter then got returned to me. But still, my first thought wasn't, whoops, I failed at mailing this check. Instead it was, well I guess this stamp is old, and the price of stamps went up. So I put another stamp on it and sent it again, to myself, again. My mailman must think I'm r******d.