“Imagine The Smell”: 45 Weirdest Objects Doctors Had To Remove From Their Patients

As a medical student, our GI co-ordinator had time for a few questions at the end of our block, open floor. Being a somewhat precocious medical student I asked "What is the most interesting thing you have had to remove from someone's butt?"

Sniggering ensued but the Doctor wasn't phased. She earnestly recanted a story about removing someone's eyeglasses from his r****m but before that she had the xray and showed the patient that there were glasses up his behind. He alledgedly replied, "I'm sorry, I can't really make it out as I don't have my glasses with me."


Laughter ensures in our class; however, sensing a golden opportunity my hand shoots up for a follow up question.

"I have to ask," I say, "in that moment, how did you resist the urge to make a joke about hindsight?"

That was a fun lecture.

Footlong Subway sandwich under their fat roll, the chips and cookies were under the pannus near the pelvis. Lady was pissed. She came to ER and needed surgery, and "knew you wouldn't let me eat." That one really shook my faith in humanity, but then I got coffee and remembered I never had any.

When my mom was in vocational school she had a classmate who had an unpleasant odor. Over time it got worse and worse until the instructors pulled this gal aside and have the personal hygiene talk with her. She broke down into tears and told the trusted adults that she had been using a pickle in place of a s*x toy and lost it. It was just gone. She admitted that had been around a month earlier. One of the instructors took the girl straight to the ER and waited there for her while the makeshift toy was retrieved.

That instructor deserved a d**n raise. I would have lost my s**t. Also, imagine the smell in that procedure room upon removal! 😣.

Cousin of mine had to remove an apple from the same guys r****m on two separate occasions. Due to the hospitals procedure, an MRI was required before extraction. The computer system analyzed it the second time and concluded that “the tumor had increased in size”.

I’m not a nurse but a friend of mine is. She said a guy came in with a buzz lightyear figurine in his butt. The real problem was the wings deployed while he was enjoying his time with dear old buzz...

A woman who liked to store her family heirloom rings in her v****a (yes, she had dementia). Family requested them and they were nowhere to be seen. They assured us she had them. While cleaning her up, she coughed and a few fell out. We cleaned and disinfected them the best we could and gave them back to the family.

Not a nurse, but a medic. This was awhile ago, but it was a paper prescription stuck to the patient’s back. He had been given a prescription for lidocaine cream for some type of back pain. The instructions were, “apply to affected areas for pain relief.” So he did.

My partner hid behind the clipboard laughing so hard, tears were pouring out of his eyes. I had to stand there with a straight face until I finished assessing him and triaged him to the BLS ambulance for transport. Poor guy, he was so nice, just couldn’t understand why it wasn’t working.

20+ yrs ago as a baby nurse assisting with septic work up on pt who had to be cut from his trailer d/t morbid obesity. Myself & 3 others lifting pannus to get a cath in & a tv remote was found it did not fall it was adhered to his skin causing a wound. He was such a kind man & jokingly said "I've been looking for that!".

Worked in a closed s*x offender unit where we did non-emergent care on site but flew out if there was a real crisis. Had a guy who was constantly claiming to have inserted items into his p***s or r****m for the flight out, until eventually we didn’t believe him and would take him to X-Ray in visitor screening every time.

One day one of my subs comes in and says, “‘Guy’ has a tobasco bottle stuck up his r****m and he says it broke. I guess he was masturbating with it and put it too far up there and lost it.” She never explained to me at which point it was “too far” to insert a tobasco bottle into ones a**s.

I go out to talk to him and he’s standing upright, refusing to sit down but not appearing to be in any obvious distress, so I assume his faking. Ask him what happens. He recounts that he was stimulating himself with the bottle and lost it, got embarrassed, tried to fish it out with a wire coat hanger, and the bottle had shattered. I looked him dead in the face and said, “So you’re telling me that you have a shattered glass bottle cutting into your a*s, and if dripping vinegar and peppers into your a**s and those cuts, and your just standing here all chill?” He says yes. I send him to XRay to call his bluff. Cut to all of us just staring at the machine... he’s telling the truth. We can see the shattered bottle and his large intestine is distended from all of the blood inside of it. It’s horrible, and I have no idea how he’s upright or why he’s not soaked in blood. On the lifeflight we go, where I not only have to accompany him, I have to explain it over radio to the recieving hospital. They rerouted is twice because no one was sure what type of specialist we needed, and no one wanted to touch that with a 100 foot pole.

Intern here.

Dude came in with an iPod jammed up his a*s. Idk how or why it happened but he said he wanted to 'feel the bass'.

Let the record state that I'm a musician too and I have serious doubts as to how effective jamming an iPod up your a*****e is in terms of 'feeling the bass'.

My wife is a gastroenterologist .. she once had to take care of a guy who had a ‘foreign body’ stuck in his a**e. He didn’t even try to come up with a b******t story.

Eventually she was able to extract a full-size long can of Gillette shaving foam (the Best A Man Can Misplace).

Upon further inspection, ‘but wait there’s more!’. The guy then admitted there was also a full-size can of Axe deodorant spray stuck up there as well!

(Normally patients lose a foreign body due to unexpected ‘a**l rectal reflex’ that pulls things up and out of reach. This clown was not a fast learner!).

My wife could not extract the second can .. she had to send the patient for surgery and he ended up with a colostomy bag.

Be careful playing around back there!

p.s. this patient was 73 yrs old.

Not a doctor but a nurse. Had a patient come in with a toothpick in his p***s. Refused to tell me how it got in there, insisting he was picking his teeth and it fell in.

A rather large pumpkin spice candle in one of those hourglass shaped jars. To this day the process boggles my mind, and it was back in the day of x-rays on film. I had a copy made, without identifying personal information of course, and now have one of the most interesting lampshades you've ever seen :).

600+ lbs patient with a rusted and fully loaded revolver stuck underneath one of their fat rolls. It had been there so long it was covered in a slime and dead skin goop.

Toilet brush... The handle/stalk (don't know what it's called in ebglish) had broken off and the dude couldn't get it out. The brush part I mean.

Here we go, you will not believe this one.

I had just had a daughter and was always exhausted due to the lack of sleep from her. (Not on her it's just kids y'know) and I was half asleep in the ambulance when we got dispatched to pick up a kid from this house on the edge of town. The dispatcher said the girl was complaining of lower abdomen pain so we should be very careful with her. The ride was normal and then later that week an x-ray specialist friend of mine asked me if I remembered that girl. I said yes. He said she had a Lego lightsaber stuck sideways 4 inches from her r****m. She must have swallowed it (....hopefully).

My sleep deprived a*s had to race across town to save a little girl who had a lightsaber stuck in her r****m 😣

If that's not hilarious I'm not sure what is. When I ended up saying to my wife when I got home that "I saved a girl with a lightsaber in her r****m at work" she just stared at me in confusion.

The weirdest thing I’ve seen is a #2 pencil in a female’s urethra. She had pushed it up to the level of her bladder and came in for blood in the urine. She was a frequent flyer sadly.

A colleague had a billiard ball in the v****a patient.

Lots of shampoo bottles. It’s amazing how many people slip in the shower and just end up with one in there...

Sunflower seed shells.

Apparently if you devour an entire bag without removing the shells and you're shy about pooping in public for 5 days you develop a sunflower seed shell bezoar (blocking mass of foreign material).

The patient had to go to the OR for disimpaction under anesthesia (EUA).

A friend of mine is a doctor, and it has to be a tossup between a pound of potatoes "lovingly shaved" as he puts it, to resemble eggs, and a totem pole of barbie heads superglued together.

Friend of mine had to remove a pool/billiard ball from a guy's r****m. They were taking bets on which # it was. Lol.