Dating someone from a different background can teach us things about the world we might never learn on our own. It's hard to say whether these lessons will make or break a particular couple, but they almost always reveal one important truth: even those who love us and want the very best for us can look at family, religion, money, and other parts of life in ways we simply do not. So when a post on the subreddit r/AskTheWorld invited those in international relationships to share the culture shocks they've experienced with their partners, it got plenty of insightful replies. Here are the most memorable ones.
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#61
Not my partner, but the way his family (Irish) do the dishes is mental to me. They soak and scrub the dishes in the sink instead of washing under running water.
Edit for clarification: In Brazil we wet the dishes under running water, close the tap and scrub the dishes with detergent and sponge, then rinse the dishes under running water.
My in laws fill the sink with warm water, add detergent to said water, scrub the dishes underwater using a kitchen brush, and then place the dishes to dry without rinsing under running water.
Edit for clarification: In Brazil we wet the dishes under running water, close the tap and scrub the dishes with detergent and sponge, then rinse the dishes under running water.
My in laws fill the sink with warm water, add detergent to said water, scrub the dishes underwater using a kitchen brush, and then place the dishes to dry without rinsing under running water.
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12points
#62
German Ukrainian here, not a big shock, but l‘m sensitized to look chic when meeting her family and definitively never allowed to say no to any kind of food, even if I’m at my 4th portion.
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12points
#63
My ex girlfriend was from the Philippines. My culture shock was mostly the food that she’d bring up in conversation. For example, apparently in the Philippines, KFC sells spaghetti.
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12points
#64
I grew up in France so i wasn’t expecting any culture shock. But there is one that comes to mind : bread.
Bread is so important to my husband. He needs to find a decent boulangerie that makes the bread just so everywhere we go. It’s always a topic when we go on holiday. I’d be fine with supermarket baguette for a week or two but that’s not an option for him. And since we’re on holiday we’ll probably have croissants and pain au chocolat a few times for breakfast. And that also needs to meet certain standards. And it’s quite possible that the boulangerie that make the best bread is not the one with the best croissant.
It’s better to go with it and help out in the search. Otherwise you hear about it at every meal as the bread gets analysed in every aspect or the croissants are judged for being over/under baked with too much or too little butter etc….
Bread is so important to my husband. He needs to find a decent boulangerie that makes the bread just so everywhere we go. It’s always a topic when we go on holiday. I’d be fine with supermarket baguette for a week or two but that’s not an option for him. And since we’re on holiday we’ll probably have croissants and pain au chocolat a few times for breakfast. And that also needs to meet certain standards. And it’s quite possible that the boulangerie that make the best bread is not the one with the best croissant.
It’s better to go with it and help out in the search. Otherwise you hear about it at every meal as the bread gets analysed in every aspect or the croissants are judged for being over/under baked with too much or too little butter etc….
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11points
#65
Married to a Korean. It felt a bit awkward at first when I found out she often chews with her mouth open while smacking, making sounds. I then realized that it's sorta typical for Koreans in general.
When our first child was born, I asked her to try staying quiet while eating because it's considered rude in Russia and I didn't want the kid to pick that habit up (in Japan where we live they don't make lots of sounds too, but they also seem to care less when others do). These days my wife makes no sounds which I'm grateful for.
When our first child was born, I asked her to try staying quiet while eating because it's considered rude in Russia and I didn't want the kid to pick that habit up (in Japan where we live they don't make lots of sounds too, but they also seem to care less when others do). These days my wife makes no sounds which I'm grateful for.
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11points
#66
I had a finnish girlfriend a lot of time ago. Big differences between us southern european and them. The one who impressed me the most is how cold was their family relations compared to ours (calling between them e times a year extremely rare they were helping each other)...
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11points
#67
I’m Vietnamese and when I was with my British boy, he asked for “his personal space” and I was like “what is personal space?”
As dating culture in Vietnam is more like we do everything together.
As dating culture in Vietnam is more like we do everything together.
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11points
#68
White Canadian, ex was from Jamaica.
White rice, every day…. I’ve never seen so much white rice purchased and consumed. In large bags that dwarfed me. Every dinner, there would be white rice cooked and served, even if it didn’t go with the meal. And everyday there would be an assessment of how well the white rice was cooked, like it was an art, where I rarely could tell a difference. I have never been so bored with an ingredient. White rice is bland, I much prefer other types of rice like wild rice but nope, had to be white rice. And previously whenever I had white rice, it was a vehicle for a sauce or veggies or whatever, but nope, white rice was eaten on its own now. Never any seasoning just boring white rice. My palate has never been bored.
I have nightmares about white rice now.
White rice, every day…. I’ve never seen so much white rice purchased and consumed. In large bags that dwarfed me. Every dinner, there would be white rice cooked and served, even if it didn’t go with the meal. And everyday there would be an assessment of how well the white rice was cooked, like it was an art, where I rarely could tell a difference. I have never been so bored with an ingredient. White rice is bland, I much prefer other types of rice like wild rice but nope, had to be white rice. And previously whenever I had white rice, it was a vehicle for a sauce or veggies or whatever, but nope, white rice was eaten on its own now. Never any seasoning just boring white rice. My palate has never been bored.
I have nightmares about white rice now.
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11points
#69
I’m Australian, my boyfriend is Brazilian and we live in the Czech Republic. I still haven’t been to Brazil, but I am learning some things.
For me it’s the loudness, the showing of affection (I was immediately referred to as “daughter-in-law” by his family, for instance) and the number of superstitions!
For me it’s the loudness, the showing of affection (I was immediately referred to as “daughter-in-law” by his family, for instance) and the number of superstitions!
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11points
#70
Canadian with a Filipino.
The biggest culture shock for me was eating with your hands.
I used to hate not having utensils, hated getting my hands dirty etc.
Now slap down some Boodle fight and my hands will be all sauced up and I don't even care anymore.
The biggest culture shock for me was eating with your hands.
I used to hate not having utensils, hated getting my hands dirty etc.
Now slap down some Boodle fight and my hands will be all sauced up and I don't even care anymore.
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11points
#71
The accent. wife is singaporean, but when we first met she only had a neutral 'american' accent. only after we moved to singapore she suddenly switched to her 'natural' accent, which caught me off-guard.
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10points
#72
My ex husband was English. It was crazy to me how his whole family expected me to be responsible for him remembering his family’s birthdays.
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10points
#73
I'm a Canadian married to an Australian, and we live in Canada. I didn't expect to have much culture shock since we are both anglosphere nations with similar cultures.
However, the first time I went to Australia I was shocked at the number of people I saw barefoot while out in the world lol.
My husband had even warned me about the barefoot culture in Australia, but I imagined scenarios that were close to the beach - e.g., you're barefoot at the beach, then you want to go into a nearby shop or pub, and you stay barefoot. That certainly happens, but what shocked me was when we were at a suburban shopping centre a good 15km from any beach, and there were people doing their grocery shopping at woolies with no shoes on! Or pumping gas and walking into the gas station store without shoes on!
However, the first time I went to Australia I was shocked at the number of people I saw barefoot while out in the world lol.
My husband had even warned me about the barefoot culture in Australia, but I imagined scenarios that were close to the beach - e.g., you're barefoot at the beach, then you want to go into a nearby shop or pub, and you stay barefoot. That certainly happens, but what shocked me was when we were at a suburban shopping centre a good 15km from any beach, and there were people doing their grocery shopping at woolies with no shoes on! Or pumping gas and walking into the gas station store without shoes on!
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10points
#74
I am married to a Latina and it still suprises me how she can always be late for everything and that it`s never her fault!
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10points
#75
I’m from India, married a German.
Parents making appointment to see their daughter.
Booking vacation 6-12 months in advance.
Eating cold cuts for dinner.
No ad-hoc friends meeting.
Now I find all these normal and refreshing after being together for 15 years.
Parents making appointment to see their daughter.
Booking vacation 6-12 months in advance.
Eating cold cuts for dinner.
No ad-hoc friends meeting.
Now I find all these normal and refreshing after being together for 15 years.
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9points
#76
I'm French-German and in a long-term relationship with a lovely Danish lady.
Anything involving sugar has been a point of contention between us.
In France, sweets are for kids and people are expected to grow out of them as they get older. When french adults eat candy, it'll usually be very small amounts of high quality stuff. Anything else tends to be viewed as gluttonous and a sign of low impulse control.
My girlfriend isn't happy unless there's an opened bag of sweets or cookies somewhere in the house, and Odin forbid the emergency candy reserve drawer might be insufficiently filled. I saw her bake a double portion of dual layer caramel cookies the size of portobello mushrooms just yesterday. Every friday the local supermarket runs a heavy discount on candy to attract half the town's citizenry, every friday my girlfriend sprints out of the house Trainspotting-style and comes back with a 300g bag of candy that is allegedly going to last "all week" (spoiler: it doesn't). The less said about ice cream, the better.
To say nothing of her hardcore belief in Coca-Cola's magical cure-all properties. Headache? Large bottle of coke. Nausea? Large bottle of coke. Feeling sad? Large bottle of coke. Got the flu? Call MIL, MIL says "Have you tried drinking some coke?", large bottle of coke.
Speaking of MIL, some of her family's signature holiday dishes involve boiling red cabbage and then dumping 200g of white sugar in the pot, and frying peeled potatoes in caramel to go along with savory dishes. I considering myself to have a fairly sweet tooth by french standards and yet I am losing my fmind at the sheer amount of sugar that these people are ingesting on a daily basis. It's not just my girlfriend being a weirdo either, the Danes have the highest consumption of candy and chocolate in the world (7 kg candy + 6 kg chocolate on average). Just mindblowing.
It's been an uphill battle gently explaining to her that this, in fact, is not how regular people tend to feed themselves pretty much anywhere else in the world.
Oh and, every six months or so, some very smart Danish scientists or journalists write another article bemoaning the Danes' substandard dental health status.
Lovely people, lovely country, massive culture shock for me on this one.
Anything involving sugar has been a point of contention between us.
In France, sweets are for kids and people are expected to grow out of them as they get older. When french adults eat candy, it'll usually be very small amounts of high quality stuff. Anything else tends to be viewed as gluttonous and a sign of low impulse control.
My girlfriend isn't happy unless there's an opened bag of sweets or cookies somewhere in the house, and Odin forbid the emergency candy reserve drawer might be insufficiently filled. I saw her bake a double portion of dual layer caramel cookies the size of portobello mushrooms just yesterday. Every friday the local supermarket runs a heavy discount on candy to attract half the town's citizenry, every friday my girlfriend sprints out of the house Trainspotting-style and comes back with a 300g bag of candy that is allegedly going to last "all week" (spoiler: it doesn't). The less said about ice cream, the better.
To say nothing of her hardcore belief in Coca-Cola's magical cure-all properties. Headache? Large bottle of coke. Nausea? Large bottle of coke. Feeling sad? Large bottle of coke. Got the flu? Call MIL, MIL says "Have you tried drinking some coke?", large bottle of coke.
Speaking of MIL, some of her family's signature holiday dishes involve boiling red cabbage and then dumping 200g of white sugar in the pot, and frying peeled potatoes in caramel to go along with savory dishes. I considering myself to have a fairly sweet tooth by french standards and yet I am losing my fmind at the sheer amount of sugar that these people are ingesting on a daily basis. It's not just my girlfriend being a weirdo either, the Danes have the highest consumption of candy and chocolate in the world (7 kg candy + 6 kg chocolate on average). Just mindblowing.
It's been an uphill battle gently explaining to her that this, in fact, is not how regular people tend to feed themselves pretty much anywhere else in the world.
Oh and, every six months or so, some very smart Danish scientists or journalists write another article bemoaning the Danes' substandard dental health status.
Lovely people, lovely country, massive culture shock for me on this one.
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9points
#77
My Japanese wife does not consider paying for intimacy, even while in a relationship, to be cheating.
I have zero interest in doing such a thing, but I thought it was interesting that from her point of view, as long as emotions are not involved, it's fine. She simply doesn't want to know about it. As long as I keep bringing money home and keep everyone happy, then it's none of her business.
Obviously, not all Japanese people think that way, but it is one thing that I have heard from multiple individuals.
I have zero interest in doing such a thing, but I thought it was interesting that from her point of view, as long as emotions are not involved, it's fine. She simply doesn't want to know about it. As long as I keep bringing money home and keep everyone happy, then it's none of her business.
Obviously, not all Japanese people think that way, but it is one thing that I have heard from multiple individuals.
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9points
#78
I am a Russian living in Brazil, and dated a bunch of brazillian guys over the years.
1. Punctuality. It's pretty hard to accept that when they say they will be somewhere at 19:00, that means usually 19:30-20:00.
2. Directness. For me as a Russian, it's pretty normal to say what I think, treat no as a complete sentence and use it when needed. Brazilians are allergic to this, and many take a "no" as a personal offence. The cultural norm is just to say something between a yes and a maybe and never do it.
3. The most controversial, where ones obligations lie between parents and a partner. In Russia, it's frequent and normal that adult children maintain close relationship with their parents, including all sorts of help going both ways, while in Brazil many people see this as problematic. In my age group and social bubble, in Russia you are kinda expected to prioritize your blood family (parents, siblings, children) over a partner, while in Brazil your partner and kids become your primary family.
1. Punctuality. It's pretty hard to accept that when they say they will be somewhere at 19:00, that means usually 19:30-20:00.
2. Directness. For me as a Russian, it's pretty normal to say what I think, treat no as a complete sentence and use it when needed. Brazilians are allergic to this, and many take a "no" as a personal offence. The cultural norm is just to say something between a yes and a maybe and never do it.
3. The most controversial, where ones obligations lie between parents and a partner. In Russia, it's frequent and normal that adult children maintain close relationship with their parents, including all sorts of help going both ways, while in Brazil many people see this as problematic. In my age group and social bubble, in Russia you are kinda expected to prioritize your blood family (parents, siblings, children) over a partner, while in Brazil your partner and kids become your primary family.
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8points
#79
My boyfriend is Russian. Surprisingly, I haven't had much of a culture shock...? Maybe it's because of how I was raised (lived in and visited many countries during childhood), so I'm pretty used to not batting an eye at different customs and just following along.
One thing I was shocked by, though, was that his apartment had the toilet and bathroom separated. A work of genius if you ask me!!!
One thing I was shocked by, though, was that his apartment had the toilet and bathroom separated. A work of genius if you ask me!!!
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7points
#80
As an American married to an Irish man, I was shocked at how long everyone waits to get married and have kids.
It’s so common here in Texas to get married at 18-20 and have kids no later than 24.
I’m 29 and the only person I know that’s married with no kids that *wants* kids.
(To clarify, I’m very happy with our life and glad we waited to save and build a solid foundation. Half of my friends are divorcee, single parents ).
It’s so common here in Texas to get married at 18-20 and have kids no later than 24.
I’m 29 and the only person I know that’s married with no kids that *wants* kids.
(To clarify, I’m very happy with our life and glad we waited to save and build a solid foundation. Half of my friends are divorcee, single parents ).
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6points
