Bored Panda
Shots Fired: 50 Of The Most Savage Comebacks To Stupid Posts (Best Of All Time)
Social IssuesMAY 3, 2024

Shots Fired: 50 Of The Most Savage Comebacks To Stupid Posts (Best Of All Time)

238
29
Having a good comeback to anything is a skill that doesn’t come easy to some people. At least to me anyway. Sometimes I wish a spider would bite me, and I would magically turn into a master of quick and witty remarks. Which, let’s be honest, would probably up my quality of life only slightly.
However, some folks are naturally born this way. Luckily for us, they occasionally put their superpowers to noble use by shutting down online absurdity. Today, we have an impressive collection of some of the best savage comebacks that might inspire you to sharpen your wits and get your keyboard ready to fight some internet trolls.

#1 Shots Fired, Two Men Down

Shots Fired, Two Men Down
Report
844points

#2 Find A Different Career

Find A Different Career
774points

#3 Deutscher Patriotismus vs. American Patriotism

Deutscher Patriotismus vs. American Patriotism
742points

If you ever suffered from “l’esprit de l’escalier” or "the wit of the staircase," that is, thinking of a comeback once you’ve reached the stairwell of your home, don’t worry; experts have several tips that can help with that. 

They emphasize that in order to have a witty answer, timing is everything. This means that your remark should be as fast as the words that took you by surprise. The key to doing that is honing your listening skills so that you can essentially respond at lightning speed.

#4 Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile
702points

#5 A Very Important Point

A Very Important Point
674points

#6 It's Never Just About A Cake

It's Never Just About A Cake
670points

Luckily, people tend to think faster than others speak, giving the hearer additional time to come up with a reply, even though they might look as if they are still listening. This is especially handy when a conversation turns sour and someone needs to defend themselves. 

Such a skill can definitely be improved with practice. One strategy for better listening skills is playing a game of one-word volleyball, where two people are telling a story by quickly taking turns and adding words to what the other said before them. The simple exercise forces players to be less focused on what they are going to say and instead helps them listen and respond to others spontaneously.

#7 Sarah Has Been Reported Dead

Sarah Has Been Reported Dead
649points

#8 I'm Gonna Take The Surgeon's Side On This One

I'm Gonna Take The Surgeon's Side On This One
644points

#9 Now Sit Down, Stefan

Now Sit Down, Stefan
629points

Belina Raffy, the CEO of Maffick, who often uses improv skills in business, adds that not overthinking the situation is key. “You’re taking yourself out of unfolding reality if you think too much,” she told Mental Floss. It’s important to be in the moment and to deliver an answer that is relevant in the instant. After all, a comeback that is off-topic most likely won’t be effective or amusing.

#11 Who Doesn't Love Irony?

Who Doesn't Love Irony?
Report
575points

#12 Yes, The Answer Is Yes

Yes, The Answer Is Yes
567points

In addition, if you find yourself thinking about the reply too much, chances are you may end up saying nothing at all. Meanwhile, putting too much pressure on yourself can make your mind go blank, similar to a fight-or-flight situation. In a quick and witty comeback, this is the opposite effect you want to achieve, so try not to take it so seriously and just let your personality shine through.

#13 Disabled Parking Should Only Be Valid During Business Hours 9 To 5

Disabled Parking Should Only Be Valid During Business Hours 9 To 5
558points

#14 This Belongs Here

This Belongs Here
554points

#15 That Backfired

That Backfired
551points

Something else that might help with quick-wittedness is expanding your knowledge, whether that’s learning new things or techniques from your comedy heroes. For this, you may want to watch some comedy specials or your favorite sitcoms. It’s not necessarily about memorizing certain lines or imitating them, but picking up certain subtleties like amusing observations or timing. 

#16 Due For Some Good Luck Eventually

Due For Some Good Luck Eventually
551points

#17 Women Aren't People, Apparently

Women Aren't People, Apparently
551points

#18 The Fact That He Never Removed The Post Surprises Me

The Fact That He Never Removed The Post Surprises Me
549points

Even if you wish to pass certain comebacks as your own, there’s no shame in doing that. Winston Churchill, who was famous for them, has borrowed a lot of them. One of his well-known lines was in response to politician Bessie Braddock’s remark, “Sir, you are drunk.” The PM replied, “And you, Bessie, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning, and you will still be ugly.”

#19 On A Comment Thread About UPS And USPS Workers

On A Comment Thread About UPS And USPS Workers
545points

#20 Well, When You Put It That Way

Well, When You Put It That Way
535points
238
29