“It’s Been 12 Years And It’s Not Failed Me Yet!”: 46 Moms On Their Most Unhinged Parenting Moves

I gave myself a sticker chart for staying calm when the kids kicked off. I earned bars of chocolate and new books.

Never ground your teenager. Tell them you’ll tag along to all their activities instead and join in. Game changer.

southernharmony83 replied:
Grounding my youngest teen wouldn’t work- she never leaves the house (she’s an amazing teen really, reads and crochets) but we often joke if she’s bad we will UNGROUND her and make her stay out of the house with no books or crochet materials.

I gave Mother’s Day to my ex-mother-in-law. She loves it. It’s her favorite holiday. So she gets my kids. Makes her happy and I get the day to myself. I usually get massage and go to lunch alone.

I used to play “What’s on my butt?” when I was sick and home with the kids alone. This game required me lying down on the couch and closing my eyes while my kids randomly placed items on my backside. I had to guess what each item was. I was a very bad guesser so this game took a long time and I got to rest. I also played “Mom’s in the crypt” which required me lying down on my back on the couch with my eyes closed while they built Legos that had to be magnificent enough to rouse me.

When my kid is in full meltdown mode, I start making random animal sounds in response. Nothing diffuses a tantrum like a sassy cow.

alii_shaa replied:
The art of distraction!! This works for my toddlersaurus too!

I used to eat my treats in coffee mugs so my kids would leave me alone and not try to take them from me because they knew coffee was just for mommy….. so I’d fill that cup with ice cream, Mac n cheese, anything I didn’t want to share.

For the mamas of teens:
I started bringing reusable cooling gel face masks into their room late in the evening and we would each put one on a lay there and just chat. Sometimes I get the best conversations when the guards are down and we are both relaxed. It takes away the stress of the day and lets us both be present.

Gave my daughter a pot of body lotion and a paintbrush and let her paint my legs.

bethyhouseman:

My mom used to do this and have me and my siblings “paint” on her back when she was ready for bed and we weren’t. I felt like ✨An Artist✨ at the time. In hindsight, I mostly feel scammed. 😂🤣

I kick my family out of the house on Saturdays. Saturday = Dad day. And I don’t do anything to help him prep. He makes lunches and snacks and decides where to go and they come home at 7 with dinner in hand.
Sometimes I clean the house. Sometimes I sleep all day.
It is *my* day to do with I want.

I expect my kids to figure out what to do when bored. Because if you tell me you're bored I'll find something for you to clean.

I hung up a 2D Santa ornament via a paper clip on the ceiling fan pull chain and told the kids it was a Santa Cam so he could see their behavior. They believed it for years. I’ll never forget the boys fighting and older son yelling “I hope Santa saw how you acted on the camera.” An ornament & a paper clip!

My kids would fight upstairs and I couldn’t tell who started it. I would punish both of them. I got the usual “That’s not fair” from both of them. To make it “fair” , I let each of them choose the punishment for the other but stated “be careful because if it’s a really good punishment, I may use it on you.” I heard less fighting and more working it out because they didn’t know what the consequences from me would be.

Unhinged hack?
I started scheduling my breakdowns. Not kidding! (Don’t judge!)
If I know the week ahead is chaos ..
Double childcare, big project, sleep regression.
I’ll literally block off a 30-min cry session in my calendar. Yup it sounds bonkers (I already know)
Because if I don’t plan for the crash, I end up spiraling during school pickup, or crying into a cold coffee with one boob out.
Some people plan yoga.
I plan emotional triage.
And you know what? It’s bats**t crazy but it works for me.

Sometimes I go into the basement to workout alone. Sometimes I say I’m going to work out and I lay on the floor and eat my secret stash of ice cream alone.

After a career as a first responder and mom for four, the first thing I say out loud to myself or anyone else in the room when I hear screaming is, ‘Oh good, sounds like they have a good airway.’
Keeps things in perspective.

Lowered my standards. I stopped folding dishes towels and just dump them in a drawer. I also didn't fold my kids clothes for a long time because she would rummage through them and destroy all the hard work.

My mom mothered until 9pm, 9:01 pm she just peaced out, f**k around and find out.
Loved that for her.

southernharmony83 replied:
I didn’t mother until 7am- my kids quickly knew what time 7am was and to not wake the GREMLIN. Sometimes they would just sit in my bed with an iPad playing games until the 7 came on the clock and I would pretend to be happy to be up and not a gremlin (I wasn’t but 7am was better than 5 or 6am)

Let them “tattoo” my entire body with a pen while I laid on the couch like a dead fish. I told them I was a magical creature that only wakes up once the art is complete. Bought myself 30 glorious minutes.

Stop folding their clothes just sort em a bit and put em in the drawer. Laundry is done in 5min.

One time I couldn’t find my toddler twins. Finally found them hiding under the dining room table. One had a jar of jelly and the other had a jar of peanut butter. They were feeding each other and clearly already needed a bath at that point. I just backed slowly away, got a cup of coffee, and enjoyed another ten minutes of peace before running a tub and washing them off. It was worth it. I have a photo somewhere, they’re going into 6th grade now.