#1
Got shorted at Chipotle? They must hate trans people.
Got cut off in traffic? They must hate trans people.
And on and on and on and on…. It was exhausting. But the straw that broke the camels back, was when we were having a discussion about this whole thing. I told her that I was on her side and always had her back regardless. And she said “That’s not enough.”
And I was out. 20 years of friendship, out the window in 3 words.
#2
Sounds normal, but my dad passed away a month before this. She was seriously messed up and I'm glad I'm no longer friends with that psycho.
#3
I stopped instigating plans. They never contacted me. I knew right then that this was truly a one-sided friendship.
“Friendship plays a crucial role in people’s lives, especially now that most people live far from relatives,” evolutionary psychologist Dr. Patrick Barclay noted in a recent interview with Bored Panda. “Friends provide both practical and emotional support. We need someone in our lives, which can be filled by friends or family, so if family isn’t there, then friends become more crucial.
“This has a real impact on people’s well-being – those who are lonely are more likely to die sooner,” the expert pointed out. “And this isn’t just humans: when researchers study female baboons, they show that the females who are most socially connected tend to have more kids and live longer.”
#4
#5
Discussing how falling out with a friend can affect someone’s well-being, Dr. Barclay compared it to a divorce. “They both involve the loss of a close partner. I’d expect a similar bunch of emotions. You used to have someone who could support you – now you don’t. That’s a big hit to your life. And there can be the same animosity, blame, and negativity towards the former friend.”
The evolutionary psychologist added that in the same way that animals respond to being socially connected, they react to losing a “friend”, too; and they appear to take it quite hard. “Female baboons make allies with other females – they groom each other and support each other in conflict, and some researchers call it ‘friendship.’ But they can lose that ‘friend’ if she dies. And you can see it in their behaviour after – they’re less confident and more hesitant, because they don’t have their friend backing them up anymore. They attempt to compensate by reaching out to other individuals to get a new ally, if they can find one.”
#6
That was 20 years ago and it still bothers me often. I’m sorry Zach!
#7
#8
Another expert on friendship, Morton J. Mendelson, shared that together with a colleague, Prof. Frances Aboud, they have identified six qualities that contribute to the quality of a friendship, the first one being stimulating companionship – doing things together that arouse enjoyment, amusement, and excitement.
“Although some may think it’s simply doing things together that count, it’s important to stress the fun and excitement in common activities,” Mendelson noted.
#9
And then he told me that he always liked my feet a lot. (I'm a girl btw)
And then EVERY SINGLE TIME we interacted after that he was like a drooling, badly trained dog. Always panting after me, begging me to send him foot pictures and other weirder s**t.
I tried to be firm, I tried to reason, I tried telling him that I miss our friendship. But he even continued after I was in a relationship, and then married, and then EVEN when I was pregnant. And I just decided to mourn the person he was when we were friends because he's dead to me now. Just no respect, and I can't stand the way he shrinks me down to this fetish, like all the deep and meaningful conversations we had and the friendship we shared was just fake because he was trying to get my feet in his mouth.
The fetish zone is an incredibly uncomfortable place to be in if you thought you were in a friendship.
#10
I testified against him because I couldn’t let this happen to an innocent person.
I feel sad it came to this, and I feel I betrayed him. Had he taken the high road I’d have been there for him 100%.
#11
The second aspect that adds to the quality of friends’ relationships is help – “providing guidance, assistance, information, advice, and other forms of tangible aid necessary to meet needs or goals.”
Third, according to the experts, is intimacy, which Mendelson describes as “sensitivity to the other’s needs and states, by providing an accepting context in which personal thoughts and feelings can be openly and honestly expressed and by openly and honestly disclosing personal information about oneself.”
#12
One day about 8 years ago, just stopped responding to texts or calls. I send a text once or twice a year to let him know I miss him and I want to know what happened. Haven’t heard from him in 8 years. He’s married now with a kid and taking over his father’s business. I wish him nothing but success, health and happiness.
I just want to know what happened but here we are.
#13
#14
Next on the list of the ingredients of friendship is reliability, as a person must be able to count on the continuing availability and loyalty of the friend. Then there’s self-validation – “perceiving the other as reassuring, agreeing, encouraging, listening, and otherwise helping to maintain one’s self-image as a competent and worthwhile person.”
And lastly – emotional security, which Mendelson described as “comfort and confidence provided by the friend in novel or threatening situations.“
#15
#16
My final straw was going on a shopping trip with her and she was close to straight up leaving me at a shop with no transport in place because she was in a rush to get back to her boyfriend. She had driven us out to this place and was prepared to leave me there which would have cost me a lot of money to get back home.
#17
We moved to different cities after graduating college. He’d always been a super busy, distracted guy with a lot going on so I understood at the beginning. I’m not a needy guy or a needy friend. Having a kid is especially hard work and should be his number one priority…but to never hear from the guy again, ever? My best friend? That sucked. That sucked bad.
Discussing what makes a good friend, Dr. Barclay seconded some of Mendelson’s ideas, emphasizing that a good friend is willing, able, and available to help.
“We all need friends who can help us: they know what we need and when, and are competent enough to provide it,” he said. “What good is a friend who can never repay a favour, never understand what we’re going through, never give us enjoyment in their company, or never give us the practical and emotional support we crave?
“But a good friend must also be willing to help: they need to value our welfare enough so that they sacrifice their time and energy for us. A good friend rejoices in our gains and suffers in our losses, such that they’re willing to help us achieve those gains and prevent those losses. We don’t want ‘fair-weather friends’ who are only friends when times are good, or those who are only friendly when they need help. If a friend isn’t willing to help, then they’re not a true friend – there’s a difference between friends and amusing drinking companions,” Dr. Barclay suggested, giving credit to cartoonist Tim Kreider for the last line.
#18
#19
About a year later, I was feeling a lot of regret about it, so without my knowledge my girlfriend actually reached out to him to see if he would be willing to talk to me. He seemed amenable to it, but after I apologized for my end of it, he took the opportunity to unload on me even more. I honestly felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and didn’t feel anymore regret. We were meant to part ways and that was that.
#20
“Finally, a good friend must be available to help,” Dr. Barclay continued. “Someone might be warm and competent, but if they’re never around, then we don’t really benefit from their friendship. So people seek friends who are available.
“The best friends are high on these three qualities: they’re very willing to help us, highly able to do so, and readily available. Bad ‘friends’ are low on all three, especially social parasites who make demands but never reciprocate. In the middle are the friends who are intermediate on all three qualities, or who are high on one quality but low on others, like the buddy who is really fun but not particularly helpful. The best friends are those who will have our back when push comes to shove, and are good at it,” Dr. Barclay emphasized.