This FB Group Has Been The Hub For Roasting Awful Dresses, Here Are 50 Of Them (Best Of All Time)

You might be laughing at these ridiculous fashion statements now, but I’m sure many of you have had those late-night flashbacks to an embarrassing wardrobe choice—maybe from your 2007 prom. No judgment, I’ve been there, too. But according to experts, there are ways to ease the emotional reaction to things that happened long ago.

Understanding why we get embarrassed in the first place might help you feel better. And don’t worry, it’s not because the universe enjoys seeing us suffer for a laugh. Researchers suggest that embarrassment evolved as a way for our ancestors to repair relationships after unintentionally breaking social norms.

Historically, those who felt distress over how others perceived them were more likely to remain part of the group, which was crucial for survival. If you didn’t care about your social standing, you risked being ostracized—or even killed. Feeling embarrassed helped patch things up with those you may have wronged and ensured you learned from your mistakes. And, let’s be honest, it’s still useful in some situations today.

But here’s the thing: while embarrassment can help us learn and grow, dwelling on old memories doesn’t do much for personal progress. We can get stuck replaying those moments in our minds, allowing them to take up too much space until it stops being helpful.

“Focusing on the negative experiences increases our unwanted emotions, which makes us see more negative things until they’re all we see,” says clinical psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., author of Better Than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You’ll Love. “It’s like pushing on a bruise. It doesn’t feel good and it prevents healing.”

However, research suggests that focusing on the details of a painful memory—like what you ate or wore that day—rather than how it made you feel, can help break the cycle of stress these memories create.

In a 2014 study led by psychologist Florin Dolcos, Ph.D., at the University of Illinois, participants recalled their most painful memories while undergoing brain scans. When they focused on neutral details—such as where they were or what the weather was like—the emotional centers in their brains calmed down, and they reported feeling less distress.

This method is far more helpful than our initial reaction to painful memories, which is often to suppress them. However, that approach frequently causes the emotions to resurface even stronger and more negatively. Instead, by allowing ourselves space to acknowledge the memory, we can decrease the stress it triggers.