The people on the internet have all the answers for any situation you might find yourself in. Looking for the most space-efficient ways to fold your socks - there’s a Quora thread on that. Interested in finding the best cat breed for first-time owners? Sure, no problem. Wanting to learn all about the best comebacks ever? Well, there’s definitely a Reddit thread for that, which we’ve found, had tons of fun while reading, and are now offering the best comebacks ever served fresh for your judgment.
Now, hopefully, you don’t need to have a savage comeback prepared for daily use. If that’s the case, we’d strongly advise you to stay away from such a toxic environment! But, chances are, you’ll still encounter a very stubborn person or two once in a while, when the only means to stop their sheer ignorance would be to use one of these best comebacks to shut someone up once and for all. What’s even better is that smart comebacks are battle-tested and trialed in real life, so you can be sure they’re definitely effective in achieving the effect you’re hoping for - the dumbfounded silence of your opponent.
As we’ve mentioned before, you won’t find the best insults anywhere else but on this AskReddit thread, in which we roamed for quite a while to gather the absolute gems that have the power to end any old argument. So, scroll on down below, check them all out, and give your vote to the best comebacks to an insult you’d gladly use should the need arise.
#1
"I'm a woman and my job basically boils down to arguing with attorneys who are mostly men with huge egos and a large helping of disdain for people they deem "beneath them". It's common for them to get pushy, loud, and insulting when they're not getting their way. That was intimidating at first, but now I look forward to it because it gives me an opportunity to use my favourite line: "It sounds like you're getting a little emotional about this; do you want to call me back when you've calmed down so we can get this done?"
This is always met with a delicious pause, followed by them either hanging up or launching into the most high-pitched screeching you've ever heard. Being called emotional by a perfectly calm woman breaks something in them and it's my favourite thing."
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85points
#2
“Aussie here, you guys are overthinking this, let me help: ‘F*ck-off-ya-c*nt.’”
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68points
#3
"'Well, I guess what everyone says about you is true'.
My Dad told me to say this, and the typical bully type will generally go crazy thinking everyone talks about them behind their back."
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55points
#4
“I just go full Mr. Rogers, ‘It sounds like you’re having some big feelings. Big feelings are hard, aren’t they Buddy?’”
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46points
#5
"Just walk away while they are talking, it's probably the rudest thing you can do. Plus you save your time and if they call you a coward smile in evil joy as you know they'll be thinking about this for the rest of the week."
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42points
#6
"I once got punched in the face by a guy who had started trying to bully me in 7th grade. I don't know why but I just started laughing--that uncontrollable, "this isn't funny and it's not appropriate to laugh right now, but there's no way to stop it" type laugh.
It wasn't intentional and I wasn't trying to freak the guy out, but he turned beat red, mumbled that I was a "f*cking psycho", and stalked away.
He wouldn't even make eye contact with me through the end of high school, so that worked out well."
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41points
#7
"Once I saw an AITA post where a bride was jealous of a guest (because she was too beautiful and "stole her day, even if she was perfectly elegant) and she was insulting her. The bride told her: "So next time, can I come to your wedding in a wedding gown ?".
The guest replied: "If you think it'll help"."
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40points
#8
“There’s 8 billion people in this world that don’t know you, and I’m jealous of them.”
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35points
#9
"'What a weird thing to say out loud'. Don’t clap back, make them realize they aren’t likeable."
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34points
#11
"I always respond 'I've been called worse' and continue with my day. If I'm feeling smug I'll add 'By better people.'"
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31points
#13
_Goose_ wrote:
"Pull my earbuds out with a confused expression and ask 'What?'"
"Pull my earbuds out with a confused expression and ask 'What?'"
unwise_1 replied:
"I've done that before, it worked really well. Then if they repeat it, I just say "Yeah...no thanks" and put in my earbud again.
"I've done that before, it worked really well. Then if they repeat it, I just say "Yeah...no thanks" and put in my earbud again.
The fact that the response has no relation to what they just said, is dismissive and implies I didn't care enough to even listen properly, and it makes out like they just offered me something. It generally confuses them enough that they disengage."
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29points
#14
"Apparently staring at someone's forehead when you talk to them unnerves people a lot."
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28points
#15
"Alright, I will share this S-tier comeback with you all. Be careful using it because it's illegal in a lot of places and for good reason. During the dispute, you simply need to ask calmly and genuinely:
"Why are you making your voice deeper?"
Your opponent is simply unable to talk properly afterwards. If they try just continue to gaslight them into thinking they are. There is simply no further retort - the dispute is over."
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28points
#18
"I like to alternate between their eyes and their hairline/top of their head.
Most people are hyper-aware that you're looking at something, "out of place" on their face, or in their hair.
It drives them nuts because now they feel like they need to stop, and go find a mirror; with the immediacy to do so, dependant upon their own level of frustration or anxiety."
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27points
#19
“‘And?’ Basically takes all the wind out of their sails. They want to get a rise out of you and responding like this doesn’t give them the satisfaction.”
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24points
#20
"Big fan of the pause for a beat, deadpan, and then some variation/combo of "you done?" "Feel better now?" "Got that outta your system?" Just that pause and little bit of patronizing tone while dismissing the childlike behaviour usually does more to the ego than a counter insult."
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24points