People Share 30 Signs That Scream Someone Is Having A Secret Affair

Bored Panda had a friendly chat with the author of the viral thread, u/Kindayoungbutok. We were very curious as to why the topic made such a big splash on Reddit, as well as what inspired the OP to ask the question in the first place.

"I feel like most people are very drawn to this topic because, in one way or another, most have had an encounter with infidelity. Whether it be their partners, parents, or themselves," they said why affairs are a topic that gets so much attention.

"I can’t recall why exactly I made this post, but contrary to what you might expect, I wasn’t considering if I were being cheated on or not. I was curious to see what answers other people's experiences led them to," they opened up to us.

Meanwhile, we were interested to get the redditor's opinion on why people cheat and their take on what the secret to a solid and happy romantic relationship is.

"I don’t think there’s a clear-cut answer to why people cheat, but I think a lack of communication is a big factor at play," u/Kindayoungbutok said.

"I believe communication and a real sense of trust are key to a healthy and long-lasting relationship. For me personally as well, I think some personal space could do couples some good. I see people engulf each other in themselves and make their lives synonymous. I don’t think that’s healthy. I think that is a recipe for resentment."

There are four main reasons why people are unfaithful to their partners, according to Lucia F. O'Sullivan Ph.D. The first is sexual dissatisfaction: the person might want more variety or more frequent love-making. That forces them to look for alternatives to their significant other.

Something else that can lead to infidelity is emotional dissatisfaction. For instance, someone starts seeing their partner in a different, less positive light. Meanwhile, they might be putting their trust in someone else—a colleague, friend, or a stranger, to whom they’re opening up and sharing private information with.

Two other common reasons why people are unfaithful include feeling neglected by their partner and angry at their SO, hoping to ‘punish’ them by breaking their heart.

However, something else to consider is that the opportunity to cheat can actually lead to cheating! O’Sullivan notes that opportunity is “necessary but not sufficient” for infidelity to take place.

“We should not underestimate the power of opportunity, especially in situations in which we feel less responsible or unlikely to be held accountable. Being intoxicated, at a wild party, or far away from home (where you are feeling anonymous) can lead to infidelity,” she writes.

Cheating, according to Psychology Today, is a habit. If you’ve done it once, you’re more likely to do it again… and again, and again. It’s not a guarantee that someone will most definitely have an affair if they’ve had one or more before (aka “once a cheater, always a cheater”), but past actions can be used to at least model some basic behavior trends.

People who are narcissistic, score low on agreeableness, and are interested in having multiple partners are more likely to be unfaithful. However, as O’Sullivan points out, “cheating is so widespread that a handful of personality traits or attitude profiles are not going to effectively capture why people cheat.”