53 Things Bartenders Overheard That They Wish They Could Forget

I remember this one guy came to the bar, he ordered a beer and then asked "what ladies drinks do you have?" Unfortunately, I'm used to that question, so I answered it with my usual response of "anything we sell is can be a ladie's drink, do you know what they're after?" He didn't really seem to like that answer, but he asked if we had any prosecco, which we did, so he ordered one of those and sat down at a table.

About 10 minutes later, a woman came in and sat down with him, and after being sat for a minute or two, she came up to the bar and asked what single malt whiskies we had and ordered a Balvenie. At that point I realised it was probably their first date, and he didn't even attempt to find out what she liked to drink, and just assumed she wanted a prosecco because it's "a ladies drink".

He later came up to the bar and asked if we had a deck of cards because he wanted to do a magic trick. We didn't, so he went back to the table.

They only had the one drink each, and left separately, her first. She even left the full glass of prosecco on the table. It was all so awkward.

Slow night. A man is sitting at my bar looking quite sad, staring into his beer. Next to him is a woman who can’t stop riling him up. “You can’t let this happen to you, you gotta go home and take control, be a man, what are you doing here, go and show her what you’re made of, be a man, show up and do something about it…”

Turns out his wife wanted to live out her sapphic fantasies with the neighbor. Tonight was the night, and he was not invited.

After about an hour of this he finally gets up, looks at me and says “I’m gonna go home and show them what I’m worth” with the least conviction I have ever seen anyone say anything. The woman stays for another five minutes tapping her fingers on the bar until she finally says “I think I drove him here” and leaves too.

I never saw them again.

A couple was on a second or third date and the guy said he had something he’d like to share with her and like some feedback on. He said feedback like he was going to ask her a question about some big life choice. He told her he had a kink for Harry Potter role play and that he’s looking for someone that was into that too. I couldn’t hear her response but she looked happy and didn’t leave.

I remember visiting a seaside town called Whitby in the UK with a friend years ago, its almost mandatory that when you visit you walk up the 199 steps to the abbey at the top of the hill.

As we were on our way up there were 2 stereotypical grannies on their way down, they checked every box for being a grandma in the early 2000's, beige raincoat, tweed skirt, beige tights and shoes to match their grey perm, everything about them screamed they were your everyday nan who'd drown you in tea and biscuits when you visit.

That is where the stereotyping ended, I'd love to know where there conversation started and how it ended but the part I overheard was that she loves it when "Frank fits his whole hand inside of her, its sends her to heaven every time".

One day one of my regulars came in with a couple. Sat down at the bar and everything seamed normal. Boyfriend goes to the bathroom and the regular immediately starts making out with the girlfriend.

I immediately go on defense expecting to have to break up a fight when the boyfriend comes back. They stop making out just before the boyfriend comes back. Crisis averted as far as I'm concerned.

Girlfriend goes to the bathroom and its just the 2 guys talking but I'm now paying close attention just incase. Suddenly regular and boyfriend start making out while GF is in the bathroom.

I went from tense thinking I might have to break up a fight to confused because of how sudden it happened to relieved because ain't none of my business now. GF come out of the bathroom and they quickly finished the round and all left together. Never mentioned it again.

I work in a very busy family restaurant. On Friday nights, there is usually a long wait at dinner time, and the bar area gets super crowded.

So we’re three deep at the bar on a Friday night when these middle aged parents decide to stage a financial intervention with their early 20s daughter. She gets very upset at the news that she is being cut off and is essentially bawling her eyes out. At the bar. The very crowded bar.

I mean, Jesus people. At least do that at a table. Why they felt the need to tell her something so upsetting in the middle of a huge crowd is beyond me.

I had a couple leave an extensive S&M contract behind on the table. It was 20+ pages.

I once heard a guy trying to impress a girl by explaining how he was “almost arrested for stealing a slice of pizza” but then he got really serious about the “pizza justice system.” I couldn't tell if it was a pickup line or a confession. 🍕.

Was taking the order of 2 people, he received a phone call from “friends” accidentally sitting near them. He showed his ringing phone to his wife, she nodded no. Those 2 friends saw it, i saw it, awkward.

I live in an area of fairly wealthy people...

"Thats your 6th glass of wine? Your not gonna drive home are you?

Ohf courshe I am.

What if the cops pull you over?

I'll just buy it off like I did last time.".

Co-worker was sleeping around on her new husband. Two of the guys she was seeing came in at the same time and both started making plans with her. She didn’t know what to do and it was awkward af. They were sitting across from each other (we have a horseshoe bar) and talking softly. I was backing that night so got to hear most of it from both of them. One of the guys was her husband’s fishing and hunting buddy.

Not a bar tender, but I was in a bar and overheard some girl talking about her boyfriend in front of her friend. I just overheard, "He says it ain't cheatin because he got is balls clipped"

I guess the guy had tried to convince his girlfriend that he wasn't actually cheating on her because he's had a vasectomy and it "doesn't count" if he does some other girl.

I was taking tables when we were busy and it was a group of 4, They came from a what seemed to be a nursing home. The one woman was dressed differently than the rest and was obviously the aid/caretaker. I came up from behind and saw 3 other people were dressed the same down the the hair. Pink polos and all three of them had pixie cuts and light gray hair. I greeted the table by saying “well hello ladies what can I get started for you?” And one of the 2 people facing me started yelling at me and saying he wasn’t a lady he was a man! The gentleman in question was really upset about it. I was so stunned I didn’t know what to say and I just ran and gave the table away but I will never forget his face when he whipped off his glasses and turned around 😭.

A married couple came in when I was working the bar. As a bartender tends to do, we got to chatting and I learned that she was also Brazilian so we began speaking in Portuguese and getting to know each other…very quickly the conversation turned into complaining about her husband (she’s lonely, he didn’t take her anywhere, she wanted to go on a vacation etc.) and she starts full out CRYING in the middle of dinner. I tried to calm her, but they cashed out shortly after and I never saw them again even though they said they lived across the street. I hope she got her vacation.

Won’t say who the celebrity was, since she was a young kid at the time. Serving and get a note I have a VIP and need to roll out all the red carpet things. I worked at a really nice hotel in Santa Barbara, ca. during college.

When I went to greet them, the little celebrity is bawling her eyes out. Her parents brought her there to tell her they were divorcing. She was begging them not to.

Awkward, and just sad.

Happy to tell stories about other celebrities for those interested…but thank you for not asking who this was.

I work at a board game bar and we have this game that’s designed for people on first dates. It’s all about questions and answers and getting to know each other.

Idk if the question was from the game they were playing, but lady was holding a card when she asked it.

She asks “what’s the worst thing you’ve ever tasted?”

And he pauses to think for a moment before answering:

“I don’t know, probably poo when I was a kid?”.

I was reading at my local pub and overheard a guy on a first date earnestly trying to explain the entire lore of *Dune* to a woman who was clearly just trying to finish her fries and escape.

I felt bad at the time. A couple decades on…not so much. Dude bet a house on a baseball game. He left in tears. Idiot. Complete idiot. Don’t gamble folks.

I heard a woman get dumped over starters in the restaurant I worked in, which was awkward. Suppose the bill was cheaper.

Once watched a first date where a gentleman was quite animated. At one point, he wanted to show his date a dance he and his friend had made up when they were kids to “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me”by Culture Club. He’d show his part then when his friend would come in and he do that part.

He was eccentric to say the least, but the dance routine was the most memorable. His date went from visibly embarrassed to actively asking him to sit down, lower his voice, and please stay seated.

His date’s friend was at a table in the restaurant watching and was apparently posting on Twitter, what was going on as well as texting to a friend group. She was also quite loudly laughing at some parts.