Bartender Shares How She Gained Weight And How This Radically Changed The Way Customers Treat Her

The harsh truth is that the way that you look has a huge impact on your life: from how people treat you even to your financial situation at the end of the month. Especially for anyone working in the service industry as a tipped employee, for instance, a bartender. It’s called the halo effect and in a nutshell, it means that we tend to perceive attractive people as being better at everything and treat them better.

And that’s exactly the topic that Cassidy Lane, aka Body_positive_bartender, tackled in a viral TikTok video. She shared how radically people’s behavior with her changed at work when she started putting on weight during the pandemic after receiving help for her eating disorder. Cassidy said that her whole life changed. “People don’t even look you in the eye anymore,” she shared the heart-rending way others shifted their behavior.

Cassidy shared with Bored Panda that she didn't expect her video to get as much attention as it did and she "filmed it on a whim" while having her morning coffee. "And then suddenly I checked my TickTock a few hours later and it was already at 500K. But the reason it went to viral I think, was because so many people related to it," she said.

"There were so many people in the comments saying that the same thing happened to them and it was good to hear that they weren’t crazy and it was happening to other people. Which is a little sad. But shared experiences are such a strong form of connection that I can understand why it went viral. It did leave me feeling a little vulnerable that 6 million people have watched me cry on the Internet."

Meanwhile, Bored Panda also had a chat about eating disorders with an expert in the field, Catherine Cook-Cottone, a Professor of Counseling at the University at Buffalo Graduate School of Education. Read on for both interviews.

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I was interested to get Cassidy's take on what needs to happen for people to stop judging others based solely on their looks. According to the bartender, it's something that will probably never go away "because as humans that's how we evolved to keep ourselves safe." However, that doesn't mean that we can treat people badly just because they find them unattractive or have no interest in them.

"Somehow we’ve built an entire society that caters to a small margin of bodies. Think about airplane seats. I think about clothing stores, a lot of them don’t even go past a large sometimes, but the average woman in America right now is about a 2X. A lot of people who have never been fat don’t realize when you go to the doctor as a fat person it doesn’t matter what is wrong with you they will usually ignore it and tell you to lose weight," she told Bored Panda.

"I had been having stomach issues for about a year that were preventing me from going to school or work. By the time I finally found a doctor that would listen to me, and not just prescribe weight loss, they figured out I had a really serious stomach ulcer."

Cassidy was candid that as a video content creator she simply wants to be genuine and true to herself. " I have found that being vulnerable on TikTok and showing my really low lows as well as my highs has apparently resonated with a lot of people. I think it just goes back to the power of shared experience. The ability to look at someone else and say, 'Hey I do that too/I’ve been through that too.' It’s a really powerful thing," she noted that when we're completely vulnerable and honest with others, that's when real connections can be made.

"I mostly focused on body positive content in the beginning, but once I started getting help for my eating disorder I started sharing stories from that. Then I added on talking about my bipolar disorder. I’ve always been a really creative person so TikTok has been a really great outlet for me. I really appreciate that people get so much for my content, but I don’t think they realize how much I get from them as well. TikTok has almost become a video journal for me," Cassidy said.

Having your life on display has its challenges, too, though, and it can sometimes seem overwhelming. However, Cassidy takes these challenges in stride and the feedback from her community keeps her passionate about continuing to make videos.

"Every single time I read a comment about how somebody ate today because of me, or loved themselves a little bit more, or wore their first bikini because one of my videos, it truly is the best feeling in the world. I wish I could respond to every single person that stops by and leaves a comment on my page. Because they’re so supportive and kind. Being a content creator is definitely not something I ever knew I needed in my life until I had it."

Cassidy’s candid and emotional video got more than 1.3 million likes on TikTok. She pointed out that it’s especially men that are now more dismissive of her while they’d be enthusiastic in speaking with her before. The body positivity advocate said that she feels “hopeless” and wondered whether there will ever come a time when she’ll be worth more than just her looks.

One of the most prevalent eating disorders is anorexia, also known as Anorexia nervosa. People with anorexia constantly monitor their weight, restrict their calories, avoid eating certain types of foods, and tend to view themselves as overweight even if they’re dangerously underweight.

According to Professor Cook-Cottone, there are three things that people suffering from anorexia need to focus on if they want to get the illness under control: medical, psychological, and nutritional care.

“Medical Care: a medical doctor who knows Anorexia nervosa and can make sure you are physically okay. Most doctors do not have specialized training, so be sure to find someone with training,” the professor told Bored Panda.

“Psychological Care: secure a competent mental health professional who has training in working with eating disorders. This person can help you work on goals for not only your physical wellbeing but your emotional and relational wellbeing,” she said.

“Find someone who knows about positive embodiment and getting back to being in and of your body in a positive way—this means finding healthy places to be in your body—like a body positive yoga study, hiking, and getting back to the full experience of your body.”

Cook-Cottone continued: “Make sure they ask you about your goals and dreams in life and help you think about building up the parts of you that are not aligned with the disorder.” According to the professor, the point of this is to shut down behaviors and thoughts linked to anorexia. “Recovery is about getting back to effectively living your life.”

Nutritional care is just as important as medical and psychological support. “Find a nutritionist that not only knows about working with eating disorders—they also know about intuitive eating and getting back to being with food in a nourishing and healthy way, as well as how to honor your body and what it needs, not only to survive, but to flourish.”