Why does it often seem like punctuality is something you’re either born with or you’re not? We’re all capable of being punctual, but at the same time, we all know someone who never fails to show up 15 minutes late to school, work, dates and probably even their own wedding.
Well, one man recently decided that he was tired of waiting around for his wife and attempted to teach her a lesson. Below, you’ll find the full story that he shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, as well as a conversation with Marriage Mentor and Relationship Coach Katariina Räike.
This man knows that his wife struggles with punctuality
Image credits: Oleksandr P (not the actual photo)
So when she wasn’t ready to leave for a baseball game on time, he decided to try to teach her a lesson
Image credits: Athena (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Timo Volz (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ForwardClock9113
"The root of the problem is that the couple has different views on punctuality"
Image credits: Rachel Claire (not the actual photo)
To gain more insight on this topic from an expert, we got in touch with Marriage Mentor and Relationship Coach Katariina Räike, who was kind enough to share her thoughts.
"The root of the problem [in this case] is that the couple has different views on punctuality, which can derive from different personality types, difference in optimism/pessimism or even cultural background," Katariina explained. "There typically are other bigger issues and problems that are connected to these differences, which are then discussed."
"As the tendency towards punctuality, or lack thereof, is often something we learn growing up, and can be part of our personality, it is far more helpful to find ways to cope with this difference in an accepting and team-spirited way instead of in a confrontational manner," the mentor says.
"To leave without saying anything and in order to 'teach a lesson' is simply causing emotional separation and more arguments"
Image credits: Meruyert Gonullu (not the actual photo)
We were also curious if Katariina believes it's ever appropriate to leave a partner at home if they're not ready on time. "Even though it’s possible to understand why the person in question did that after being overcome by negative emotion, it shows that the relationship is disconnected to begin with," the relationship coach told Bored Panda. "The communication and attitude is very hierarchical, and there clearly is lack of friendship and team-feeling in this marriage. Would you leave a friend behind the same way?"
However, if the couple has previously agreed that one party can leave if the other person is not ready on time, then it is acceptable. "Some couples take two cabs to the airport, as one wants to be there a lot earlier than the other one," Katariina noted. "What a great solution! However to leave without saying anything and in order to 'teach a lesson' is simply causing emotional separation and more arguments, and it definitely is not caring or respectful behavior."
"We really can choose if we want to promote separation and arguments, or caring and respectful behavior, and act accordingly," the expert continued. "And if we’re getting into negative override because of something like this, we need to learn tools to self soothe and have emotional balance. That really is our responsibility!"
"When connection is in place, conflicts like this don’t even happen"
Image credits: Suzy Hazelwood (not the actual photo)
As far as how Katariina would recommend partners handle situations like this, she says it would be wise to "have a conversation about the different punctuality tendencies and how to best cope with them as soon as the tendency is discovered in a relationship, or as soon as it starts to become a problem."
"This man could have reminded her in a positive way maybe an hour earlier and again closer to the time, or he could have simply set up reminders on a phone," she noted. "At least he should have told her that he is about to leave in couple of minutes if she wants to join. However, the biggest shift has to happen in their general communication and friendship level. When connection is in place, conflicts like this don’t even happen."
Katariina also recommends that, if possible, we approach situations like this with some lightness and humor. "The more playful we are with our differences the more accepted we both feel," she explained. "And isn’t that the deepest desire we all have: to be accepted and appreciated?"
If you'd like to hear more words of wisdom from Katariina or gain some advice on your own relationship, be sure to visit her website right here.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this man was justified in leaving his wife at home without a word? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing spousal conflicts, look no further than right here.
Many readers told the husband he acted unfairly
However, some were on his side
And others believed that both parties could have acted more maturely
