“What Just Screams ‘This Couple Isn’t Going To Make It’?” (43 Answers)

One being a POS and the other putting up with it "for the kids".

I went to one wedding where the bride refused to say "for richer or poorer" during the vows. I don't know how the hell they didn't cover that during all the preparation or rehearsal. Maybe it was supposed to be removed and the minister said it by mistake. Either way it was SUPER awkward when the minister said it and the bride just glared at him and shook her head.

From experience - when one has an over-attached parent and doesn't make the effort to defend their marriage.

When the only time they tell their friends about their partner is to complain about them. Either they suck and therefore it won't last because they dont even like their partner, or the complaints are justified and they won't last because the partner sucks.

When their relationship is super performative.

UltimaGabe:

Yup. I have two friends on Facebook that used to post nothing but lovey-dovey messages multiple times a day, to a ridiculous extent. We found out the wife had a second account where she was doing the same stuff with some other guy, and eventually she left her husband and a whole mess of kids to go be with that other guy.

(The other guy then messaged every guy on her friends list and threatened them with violence if they didn't unfriend her. Eventually he got on her account and blocked/unfriended every guy that didn't do it themselves.)

They don't have those little moments of being goofy.

Constant posts online about how in love and perfect they are together.

Contempt. I’ve seen it in so many relationships that I consider it the most consistent indicator of whether or not the couple will stay together. I remember years ago, this couple I knew was planning their wedding, and the future husband in the couple was a real d**k. He had the emotional regulation of a toddler, combined with main character syndrome. Delightful. Anyway, I remember when I was looking for a wedding gift for them, and my first thought was: Who will get this when they split up? The gift was an espresso and cappuccino maker, and it went to my friend, the wife in the couple.

Bids for connection. This is a concept I learned of recently: “any gesture, verbal or non-verbal, from one person to another that invites or requests the other person's attention, response, or engagement.” Basically your partners is interested in the things that make you happy and acts on that interest. If the bids for connection are denied, ignored, or met with contempt, it undermines the marriage, and it’s very hard to come back from this.

The phrase "keep the peace." If I hear that in a relationship I know it's doomed.

If they keep score with one another for both their good deeds to each other and past mistakes.

People who get partner's name tattoo never stay togethe.

Also name tattoos I swear are cursed.

Joint Facebook account.

The8thCorsair:

Nothing says "I cheated" better than that

The more expensive the wedding, the shorter the marriage.

Look at the Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse:
- Criticism
- Contempt
- Defensiveness
- Stonewalling.

They don’t know how to fight. Or say they have never had a fight. I don’t mean fisticuffs. I mean being able to disagree and even get mad at each other. And express it in a healthy way.

I told that to a friend when she was engaged. You don’t really know until that first fight. She agreed when they had their first fight. I don’t know how much longer until they divorced.

I’m not perfect. My husband and I fought especially in the beginning. We had to learn how to be mad and still show respect and love.

When a couple has a baby but then suddenly they completely forget to still be a couple, and to make time for each other despite being parents. I know it's easier said than done and it takes effort from both partners. So many couples split up within a year of having a baby, or the couple stays in a loveless marriage and once their kids are grown up, the parents realise they no longer have the distraction of parenthood to hide the fact they don't really love one another anymore. Obviously for this to work, both people must be supportive and present parents who pull their weight in parenthood. Having a baby is time consuming but if you're committed to your partner, you NEED to put in effort to make a relationship last, through good times and bad, through difficult parts of life and the more simple times in life. Even if it's just taking time in the evening to talk or to just be a couple, even when you're tired after a day of parenting, but relationships are effort. Or even trying to go on a date night as often as possible, if you can't afford a babysitter, set up a date night at home once your kids are asleep.

They don’t laugh together.

Criticising each other in front of others.

Getting into explosive fights and then making up and saying that relationships take work. When they're still supposed to be in the honeymoon stage.

Dishonesty with each other.