#1
"When couples have a strong foundation, you tend to see open communication, emotional safety, and mutual respect," Holly Schiff, Psy.D., tells Bored Panda.
She is a licensed clinical psychologist in Connecticut, New York, and Rhode Island, as well as a registered telehealth psychologist in Florida, and says people in healthy relationships "are able to disagree without it escalating into destructive conflict."
"They show genuine curiosity about each other's inner worlds. Another positive sign is adaptability. Couples who are able to navigate stress as a team rather than turning against each other are more likely to sustain their bond long-term. The ability to repair after a disagreement is also a powerful sign of resilience," Schiff adds.
#2
My husband loves Marvel, Pokémon, NFL, Star Wars, and anime (to name a few) and personally, those are not my interests. But I always ask him questions and listen to his rants about football or the crazy thing that happened in his anime. I just pay attention and remember things because I love him. He in turn always listens to me talk about piano, crocheting, excel sheets, true crime documentaries, etc.
When someone rolls their eyes or makes fun of their partner’s interests it’s a huge red flag.
#3
His reasoning was during the first dance, she was looking around and posing for pictures. Making sure everybody got good shots, so I was sort of following her lead. Just smiling at people with cameras and whatnot.
We divorced just over a year later.
When my Mom told me about it I asked my Dad why he knew. And he said during what was supposed to be our first act as a married couple she was only concerned about looking good in pictures and he knew at that moment we weren't right for each other.
I've been married to my real (I don't like saying "current") wife for almost 21 years and we never even had a wedding. She didn't want to waste the money. I'm her first and only marriage. .
A massive study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences analyzed data from 43 longitudinal studies involving over 11,000 couples to identify the most reliable predictors of relationship satisfaction. These turned out to be:
- Perceived partner commitment
- Appreciation
- Sexual satisfaction
- Perceived partner satisfaction
- Conflict
- Life satisfaction
- Negative affect
- Depression
- Attachment avoidance
- Attachment anxiety
However, the researchers noted that changes in relationship quality over time were largely unpredictable from any combination of self-reported variables, suggesting that while certain factors are associated with relationship satisfaction, predicting future changes remains complex.
#4
xenchik:
Sometimes people judge me for leaving my husband instead of going with him. But to move to the Middle East, where I would have no friends, family, or job; where I wouldn't initially know the language and would have trouble even making new friends, and where he basically said that while I was unemployed I could "at least keep the house clean".
It's not so much that I couldn't handle that life for a soulmate. It was more that I realised I wasn't actually soulmates with a guy who saw absolutely no issue with any of the above, because after all, he'd be "making heaps of money". I don't care about money. He does. I had never known it before this. We're simply incompatible.
#5
Echoing the study's findings, Schiff thinks it's rare for outsiders to ever truly understand the full picture of a couple's relationship, since so much of it remains private.
That said, if she were asked to pinpoint some of the warning signs herself, the psychologist says, "Chronic contempt is one of the most concerning markers because it erodes respect over time—this can look like eye rolling, belittling, or sarcasm."
"A consistent lack of communication, emotional withdrawal and an unwillingness to work through problems also raise red flags" and "outsiders might notice things like constant public criticism or a lack of warmth."
"These often point to deeper struggles behind closed doors that we don't see. While only the couple truly knows their story, some of these observable patterns can be meaningful indicators," Schiff adds.
#6
dhporter:
I didn't wanna ruin my wife's makeup and we hadn't exactly talked about it before, so I basically took her hand and smashed cake into my own face. The photos are adorable.
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#8
inannaberceuse:
I can attest to that. Your partner can feel your disdain by the way. It’s palpable.
#10
InevitableAd9683:
My ex wife told me (after marriage) she expected I'd change my mind and want kids once we got married. I didn't.
#11
Not allowing the other partner (or each other) to have lives beyond the relationship.
Being threatened by growth on the part of the other partner.
Refusing to set boundaries with their own families around a*****e behavior (e.g. allowing your mom to talk s**t about your partner, expecting your partner to just deal with it bc “they’re family”…etc.).
Refusal to own your part in conflicts and/or perpetuation of conflicts.
No personal boundaries (thinking it’s ok to go through someone’s phone, etc.).
#12
Rommel79:
When I was in grad school I knew a couple that started couples therapy within a month of dating. I guess the s*x must have been mind-blowing because that should have been such a red flag it isn't even funny.
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