Someone Asks “What Screams ‘I’m A Bad Parent’?” And 30 People Share Their Honest Thoughts

The author of the viral thread, u/ViForYourAttention, revealed to Bored Panda the inspiration behind the question. "I posted the question the early morning of Christmas Day, so that also might have affected how personal this question became, given that this was a time where people were becoming more reflective of their relationships with their family members," they explained why the thread might have resonated with so many people on Reddit.

The idea for the question arose when the redditor started thinking about the same things most of us have considered once or twice (or, frankly, a dozen times) before: what if we won't end up being good parents?

"I had a discussion with my sister a day before I posted the question about having children in the future, and I expressed a common fear/concern: what if I turn out to be a bad parent? What if I don’t even know if I’m a bad parent? This made me think about how everyone has a different standard for bad parenting," they said that some people see bad parents as those who use corporal punishment; meanwhile, others actually embrace the idea.

"I became curious how everyone else’s standards would compare to my own, so I decided to throw the question out there without any expectation that it would gain so much attention," the redditor told us.

According to redditor u/ViForYourAttention, bad parents share "similar narcissistic tendencies that leech over into their treatment of their children."

"Someone in the comments reposted 'The Narcissist’s Prayer' that floats around Reddit where it goes: That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did, you deserved it," they shared how the 'prayer' goes.

"One of the ways to solve this type of maladaptive behavior is to actively listen without speaking for a short period of time. This prevents the parent from being able to deflect blame, project insecurities, or downplay their children’s feelings. It’s also a way for them to realize their disillusionment with their parenting, where their perception of how well they think they’re doing is not translating in reality," the redditor shared some great advice on how bad parents can begin to become more self-aware of their behavior and what they can do to change it.

"I recognize that this is a limited, idealistic idea to combat a serious problem, and I believe a lot of bad parents remain ignorant to the effects of their actions, even when their children completely cut ties with them."

On the flip side, a good parent is someone who provides balance and stability. "They encourage and respect their children, but they set boundaries and adhere to the same rules/expectations they hold their children to. Qualities that help to foster a positive relationship include: patience, active listening, [being] supportive and consistent."

Redditor u/ViForYourAttention opened up to Bored Panda that they were surprised by the number of people who were calling themselves bad parents.

"There was one story that stuck out to me where a father was extremely disappointed in himself for yelling at his child after a minor inconvenience. It reminded me that while the action may have been inappropriate, the father had enough self awareness to realize he acted unfairly and reflected on what he did with regret, which isn’t something a bad parent would feel," they said.

"Good parenting is not perfect parenting. It’s about adapting to change as the children grow up and making effective adjustments to maintain a positive and healthy relationship."

The author’s thread got a ton of internet users’ attention. At the time of writing, u/ViForYourAttention’s post had gotten over 43.4k upvotes, Meanwhile, various redditors thought that the question was so important that they gave the OP a whole bunch of awards for broaching the topic in the first place.

The sad reality is that many of the people reading through the thread could relate to these thoughts on bad parenting—there are far too many redditors who had to deal with neglect or even abuse firsthand.

There are four different types of neglect. According to the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, these range from physical and educational neglect to emotional and medical neglect.

Physical neglect is often the most obvious to spot from an outsider’s perspective. This happens when a parent fails to maintain their child’s most basic needs like providing them with food, clothing, shelter, and keeping them safe. Meanwhile, it’s also a parent’s responsibility to give their kids an education.

Emotional neglect can be more difficult to spot. The NSPCC explains that this is the consequence of not providing children with the nurture and stimulation that they need. “This could be through ignoring, humiliating, intimidating, or isolating them,” they note.

Finally, medical neglect means that a child isn’t given proper health care. This can mean anything from ignoring recommendations given by medical professionals to avoiding giving children dental care.

The BHSCP notes that spotting actual neglect can be difficult because a single sign doesn’t automatically mean that a parent is being neglectful. You have to look for multiple signs over a longer period of time.

Some potential signs of neglect might include inappropriate or dirty clothing, hunger, being unkempt, being absent from school very frequently, health problems, poor language or social skills, and sudden changes in behavior.

However, there is a large gap between neglect and simply being… imperfect and making small mistakes from time to time. As long as you have enough self-awareness to recognize when you've made a mistake, you can avoid small mistakes turning into big ones.

It’s vital to remember that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. There’s a lot of external pressure to do well. And many new parents can find themselves overwhelmed. They’re struggling. They’re feeling like they’re clueless about everything. However, at times like this, it’s absolutely essential to remember that you are not alone.

Practically every parent feels like they’re dealing with challenges that others aren’t. However, the truth of the matter is that everyone’s pretty much facing the same issues. Just because someone looks like they’ve got it all together doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily the case—appearances aren’t everything. So long as you’re doing your best and changing your approach when you mess up probably means that you’re doing enough.

Though if you feel like you're struggling with parenting, you may want to consider reaching out to a therapist. Asking for professional help is not a weakness.