Getting married is exciting, but everything leading up to it? Not so much.
There’s a mountain of things to organize, budgets to juggle, and guests to keep happy. It’s overwhelming, nerve-wracking, and time-consuming, all for a day you (hopefully) only do once.
And for brides, one major pre-wedding pressure point is the hen do. How will they celebrate with their closest friends? How much fun is too much fun? Because let’s be honest, when the cost goes up, friendships can get tested.
That’s exactly why Kirsty, founder of Main Characters—a platform designed to help the modern maid of honor plan a hen do without the headache—turned to TikTok to ask: what’s a reasonable amount to expect people to spend?
Let’s just say... the internet had opinions. Read on to see what sparked the debate and where people draw the line.
One woman posed a simple question: how much should people be expected to pay for a hen do?
Image credits: maincharacters.co.uk
The responses were wildly different
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
In an ideal world, planning a hen do would be all fun and celebration. But in reality, money, work schedules, and the cost of living crisis often get in the way, turning what should be a joyful occasion into a messy mix of budgeting, compromises, and clashing expectations.
Kirsty told Bored Panda that the reaction to her video perfectly reflects how all of that plays out in practice.
“I think the responses paint a perfect picture of why hen do planning is so stressful in today’s climate—there’s a huge range of expectations,” she said. “And7i this isn’t juull8st something that happens in TikTok comments. It happens the minute you throw 20 women into a group chat and try to plan a holiday for them.”
She noted that in the UK, most people are generally willing to spend around £350–£400 for a hen weekend, including activities. If the trip is abroad, the number often jumps to £550–£650.
“But if we’re talking about realistic expectations, we need to consider the numbers,” Kirsty said.
“Previously, a hen was just a night out at the local with bride squad sashes on, and home by 1 a.m. But invites went out to every woman the bride had spoken to in the last six months.”
“If you’re dropping £600 on a four-day trip to Barcelona, it should be for one of your nearest and dearest—not Sally What’s-Her-Name from work.”
And for many, even those numbers are just not doable. Still, no matter the final cost, chipping in is often considered the norm, according to Lesley, hen party and travel planner at Hen-Do.
“Traditionally, the bridesmaids cover the costs for the hen, allowing the bride to enjoy herself without the added stress in the run-up to the wedding,” she told Bored Panda. “However, lately many are choosing to go abroad, and in that case, it’s usually split fairly among everyone.”
“That said, you’ll still find generous bridesmaids who are happy to cover the bride’s flights or pay for her activities,” she added.
Many commenters were happy to spend hundreds, so long as they had enough notice
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova (not the actual image)
Others, however, felt it was unreasonable to expect bridesmaids to pay anything at all
What exactly makes hen do planning so stressful?
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual image)
“All of it!” Lesley admitted.
“But seriously, it’s pretty stressful being handed the crown of head hen party planner, especially if you’ve never done anything like this before. If it’s not done right, it can be a complete disaster.”
One of the most difficult parts, she said, is getting everyone to commit financially.
“From experience, the most stressful part is collecting deposits and making sure everyone’s on the same page. Chaos ensues…”
Kirsty agreed—the logistics aren’t the hard part. It’s the people.
“Planning the weekend is easy, especially if you’re opting for a city break,” she said.
“Planning around 15–20 women who have to pay for a weekend they haven’t had a say in is another thing entirely. And you can understand why. Money is tight for a lot of people right now, and parting with hundreds (or even thousands) of pounds isn’t something they’ll take lightly.”
Throw in different age groups, tastes, and loud opinions, and suddenly you’re managing more than just an itinerary.
“There’s also pressure, which is something people don’t really talk about,” Kirsty added.
“The maid of honor and bridal party take on a lot when they agree to stand by the bride on her big day. They want to give her an incredible send-off, but 99.9% of the time, they’re not professional event planners. They’re winging it and trying to keep it a surprise.”
Thankfully, Lesley reminded us, even if money is tight, you don’t have to sacrifice a good time.
“We’re lucky to live in a time where all types of hen parties can be catered for,” she said. “There are tons of ways to celebrate—whether it’s a simple night at home or a more toned-down gathering. Or you could suggest arranging a girly get-together after the wedding, once all the bills have been cleared. That way, it gives everyone something to look forward to.”
And, of course, there’s always one must-have item.
“Just make sure you have a chilled bottle of Prosecco on hand,” Lesley added. “Whether you open it before, during, or after the planning is totally up to you.”
The Yeses and Noes of hen do planning
Image credits: dapor2560 (not the actual image)
To help ease the planning process, Kirsty shared some of her go-to rules for getting it right and keeping your sanity.
Yeses:
- Give people plenty of notice and offer monthly payment options. “£60 over nine months isn’t nearly as hard to manage as £360 with just four weeks’ notice,” Kirsty said.
- Be mindful of timing. Avoid asking for payments in December or January when finances are tight.
- Plan around the bride, not the majority.
- Make it easy for people to say no. “No one wants to disappoint anyone, especially over money. If possible, give an alternative option that costs next to nothing, like a night at the pub or a low-key picnic, so they can still be part of it.”
Noes:
- Don’t break down every penny. Use round numbers and consistent payment schedules—people appreciate simplicity.
- Don’t give the group chat too many options. “Ask for forgiveness (and payment), not permission,” she said. “Tell them the plan, the price, and the due date.”
- Skip the strippers, unless the bride specifically asked for one. “It’s uncomfortable for everyone.”
And if you’re in the middle of planning a hen do right now? Deep breaths. Lots of patience. You’ve got this. Just don’t forget, the whole point is to have fun, not completely burn out before the wedding even begins.
