Babies, the blabbering bundles of bliss! What our lives would be without their fat cannoli legs, bald oddly-shaped heads, hilariously tiny chubby fingers, the softest butts imaginable, and a stream of subconscious gibberish pouring from their toothless mouths? Probably sleeping soundly through the night, not scrubbing off puke from our favorite T-shirts, and not stepping into puddles of unknown origin with our warmest plushie socks. This duality of human babies and the inherently different likes and dislikes shared with their adult life-givers (starting with the love and hate for naps and ending with favorite foods) are the greatest conflicts known for any scriptwriter, movie director, and jokester. Thus, there’s no surprise that jokes dedicated to babies are aplenty and are simply the greatest. At least to the parents, because babies haven’t declared their positions on the matter as of yet, and we cannot speak in their place.
So, baby jokes - some are dedicated to their creepy laughs, others to their sense of fashion, and of course, there are the ones talking about their eating habits. However, you must believe that all these baby puns and jokes definitely came straight out of somebody’s experience of raising their spawn, so besides being funny, they are also good material on what to expect when you have your own tiny human. Unimaginably, it is not all fun and games! Who could’ve thought?!
Anyway, prepare to laugh rambunctiously at the hilarious jokes you’re about to find just a couple of inches below. Just be sure to contain it if you have a soundly sleeping baby next to you, or he’ll be the one that’s bellowing but for slightly different reasons than you. After you’re done skimming through these funny baby jokes, vote for the ones that hit closest to home and share this article with your friends!
#1
The nurse told the parents of a newborn, “You have a cute baby.” The smiling husband said, “I bet you say that to all the new parents.” “No,” she replied. “Just to those whose babies really are good-looking.” The husband asked, “So, what do you say to the others?” The nurse replied, “The baby looks just like you.”
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#2
A baby's laugh is one of the most beautiful things you will ever hear. Unless it is 3 a.m., you're home alone, and you don't have a baby.
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#3
I sat next to a baby on a 10-hour flight. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to cry for 10 hours straight. Even the baby was impressed I pulled it off.
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#4
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
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#5
What did the buffalo say to his baby boy when paternity leave was over? Bison!
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#6
A couple is having a baby soon. After learning they’re having a boy, the husband says, “Let’s name him Pete!” But the wife says, “Honey, we’re having twins.” The husband replies, “Well, we can call the second one RePete.”
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#7
Why did the baby cry at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5 a.m.? Why not?
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#8
What do you call a newborn baby? Anything you want.
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#9
I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? With any luck, right after she finishes college.
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#10
What’s another name for a baby adoption center? The stork market.
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#11
So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we were having a baby. For instance: my name, my address, telephone number.
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#12
Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where’d we get him?” His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.” Johnny exclaimed, “Wow… I can see why they threw him out!”
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#13
Why did the baby crawl across the street? He saw the one object you told him he couldn’t play with.
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#14
Random person to a parent holding two babies: "Hey! Are those twins?" Parent: "Triplets, actually. I just leave the ugly one at home."
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#15
What do you call a baby potato? A small fry.
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#16
Did you know you can get a wooden car seat? It comes with a sign that says, “Baby on Board.”
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#17
What do you call a cow that had a baby? De-calf-inated.
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#18
When do parents change the most baby diapers? In the wee wee hours.
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#19
Baby Yoda’s first word probably came after his second word.
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#20
Do you know why babies born on holidays are more than likely to be little girls?Because there is no mail delivery on holidays.
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