If you're preparing for a date, there's more to do than just gussy up and look your best. There might be some red flags that you didn't spot before agreeing to a date. To know more about how to avoid bad dates, we reached out to dating coach and author of You're Overthinking It: Find Lifelong Love by Being Your True Self Sabrina Bendory.
The first thing people should do, according to her, is make sure that your date is who they say they are. "Google can definitely help with that!" she adds. Second, think about whether they're committed to the date. "Have they been saying they want to take you out but then not making a plan? Or making a plan but then canceling last minute?" If the answer is "yes," there should be some alarm bells ringing in your head.
Coming on too strong should also be a red flag. Bendory says that if your potential date is showering you with excessive praise without knowing you, be cautious. She tells people who are looking for love to consider questions like: "Are they trying to propel the relationship at a very quick speed?" and "Are they already planning out a future even though you haven't even met?"
"Yes, sometimes we can get excited by a new romantic prospect, but if [their] interest is completely disproportionate to the time you've actually spent together it's a red flag," Sabrina says. A good date should show genuine interest in you and the conversation should be about more than just themselves. Your intuition, Sabrina says, is often right. "If something feels off… then it probably is."
Once you're on the date, there are some things to look out for, too. If they, again, only talk mostly about themselves, that's probably not a good sign. "This is okay to an extent because if someone is into you then they want to impress you," Sabrina notes. "But if it's excessive then it means they are self-involved and possibly a narcissist. You want to make sure they are also asking questions to discover who you are."
Your date might be nice to you, but rude to others, like the Uber driver or the waiter. Sabrina says that it's more than just about how a person treats service industry workers, but about how they treat people and relate to them in general. "Are they inappropriate? Do they make disrespectful comments about you or your appearance or about other people or strangers? Do they say mean, sexist, or racist things and then say they were 'just joking' and you need to relax?" Sabrina gives examples of a bad date.
If there's one golden rule to any date, it's to not bring up your ex. Bendory says that there are a few things to look out for here. "First: are they still hung up on the ex or in love with them? Or, are they still bitter and angry? Or, do they take zero accountability for any failed relationships and just say all their exes were 'crazy' or 'psycho?'"
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Sabrina is a big believer in trusting your gut. If you don't feel comfortable around the person you're on a date with, then it's probably not meant to be. "It could be the way they're looking at you, touching you, the things they're saying," Sabrina says. "Or maybe it's just a vibe you're getting… but you just don't feel secure and at ease with this person."
Love bombing doesn't just happen in long-term relationships. It can happen during a first or second date. If a person is saying things like "I've never felt this way before" or "I feel like I could marry someone like you," it's a bad sign. "Healthy relationships build slowly and a rushed pace is usually a red flag," Bendory explains.
