There are a lot of worries when a woman is pregnant. Because at this time, she no longer is worried only for her own health, but the baby’s too. And even if the mom is as careful as she can be, sometimes it doesn’t depend on her whether the baby will be born healthy or not.
The baby can have various physical and mental issues and it is always a challenge for the parents. A mom on Reddit has four children and one of them has autism and ADHD. That has made his sister very good at dealing with such issues, but that led to a classmate’s mom trying to take advantage of it. The mom feels bad for denying help even though that is the only way to protect her daughter.
More info: Reddit
A classmate’s mom wanted to take advantage of a 10 Y.O. girl. Her mom defended her daughter, but at the same time, she felt bad for doing it
Image credits: star5112 (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) who goes by shoopersharn is a 35-year-old mom who has 3 daughters of the ages 10, 4 and 1 and she has a 6-year-old son. For the sake of the story, the OP calls her son Luke and the oldest daughter Izzy.
Luke is the one with autism and ADHD. Like everyone with such a diagnosis, they might be hard to handle sometimes. Izzy is used to it and she has actually picked up how to accommodate him and gained “saintly patience” as the mom put it.
Image credits: shoopersharn
The girl is very good with accommodating children with special needs as she learnt it from having to live with her brother
Image credits: shoopersharn
Izzy showed how mature and kind she is not only with her brother, but with a classmate that the OP called Maisy. This girl also has autism and severe anxiety, so for Izzy, this is not something new, which is why she knows how to help her calm down.
The mom is very proud that her daughter is so kind and helpful, but because Izzy is so good at it, she was asked to look after Maisy and live in the same room during a school trip because that would calm her down as she has never been away from home before. Izzy agreed, but it seems that she said it to be polite, as she came home crying and not looking forward to it whatsoever.
Image credits: shoopersharn
She opened up to her mom that she just wanted to have fun on the trip and have a break from always taking care of others, which naturally caused stress to her. Her 10-year-old shoulders shouldn’t carry this burden and the mom’s heart broke, especially knowing that because of the pandemic, Izzy hasn’t had the chance to be a kid as everything was shut down so she was forced to stay at home with Luke being cranky and a toddler asking for attention.
Raising Luke is a task on its own, but while being pregnant and the OP’s husband working, it became even more complicated. Additionally, Luke isn’t very excited about the baby and he needs as much attention as the newborn does, so in the end, Izzy doesn’t get that much time with her parents.
She has a classmate who responds very well to her so she was asked to share a room on a school trip with her
Image credits: shoopersharn
The mom understands that, so she contacted the teacher and asked for Izzy to not be put in the same room as Maisy. The teacher was very understanding and knowing the situation with Luke, agreed that Izzy deserves a break.
However, Maisy’s mom didn’t think so. She wanted shoopersharn to pressure her daughter into agreeing, but the OP respected Izzy’s choice. Maisy’s mom started insulting the OP and guilt tripping her, saying that she should understand how it feels as they both have neurodivergent children. Plus, Maisy probably won’t go on the trip because without Izzy, she won’t be able to cope with her anxiety.
Image credits: shoopersharn
Izzy expected the trip to be relaxing and didn’t want such a responsibility, so her mom asked the school to put her daughter in another room
Image credits: shoopersharn
In one of the responses to the comments, shoopersharn guessed that Maisy’s mom really wants Izzy to be there for Maisy because she herself wants to take a rest. She is a single mom and her husband left right before lockdown, so both her own and her daughter’s mental health have suffered. Also, she doesn’t want Maisy to feel abandoned again, which could happen when she finds out Izzy changed her mind.
Izzy’s dad thinks that there is no need to feel bad about this because Maisy’s situation is none of their business, let alone their child’s. But the OP can’t stop thinking about what Maisy’s mom said and is sad that she can’t do anything about it.
The classmate’s mom was really unhappy about it and tried to guilt trip the OP as they both shared the experience of raising a neurodiverse child
Image credits: shoopersharn
Bored Panda contacted shoopersharn and she told us that people's response in the comments really helped her out to feel less anxious about the situation, "Lots of people PMed me telling me their stories of being forced to care for classmates / siblings and it put everything into perspective on how I am going to deal with things with school. She's a kid and deserves to be."
People in the comments pointed out that the OP herself can’t do anything, but she shouldn’t force her daughter to do something either because it is not her responsibility. As many worded it, Izzy is not an emotional support animal or a therapist or a social worker. She is a child and asking her to parent someone else's child to make the adults feel more at ease is absurd.
Image credits: shoopersharn
The OP wants her daughter to be a child, but at the same time she felt she should have helped the other mom
Image credits: shoopersharn
The OP didn't change her mind about putting her daughter in the same room with Maisy and when Izzy found it out she was relieved. The mom told us that "She was simply happy I understood." The parent also added, "She really enjoyed the trip, though she is knackered now and it was the best decision."
We would like to know what would you have done in OP’s situation, and do you think Izzy has a moral obligation to take care of Maisy because she is good at communicating with children with special needs? How do you think the mom should balance letting Izzy be a kid but not leave Luke out at the same time? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
People in the comments thought that the classmate’s mom had no right to ask another child to take care of her daughter and the OP shouldn’t worry about being a jerk
