Relationships,FamilyDEC 20, 2023

"What’s A Secret That Could Tear Your Entire Family Apart?" (32 Answers)

As associate professor at Columbia Business School Dr. Michael Slepian pointed out in his research, the real problem with keeping a secret is not that you have to hide it, but that you have to live with it, and think about it.

In fact, secrecy is associated with lower well-being, worse health, and less satisfying relationships — studies have linked secrecy to increased anxiety, depression, symptoms of poor health, and even the more rapid progression of disease.

Luckily, a recent Reddit thread offered people a chance to take off some of the weight they had been carrying on their shoulders. Created by platform user Amerisbf, it asked everyone to anonymously share a secret that could tear their entire family apart if it got out. And many did.

#1

"What’s A Secret That Could Tear Your Entire Family Apart?" (32 Answers)

Everyone thought I was miserable on thanksgiving. The reality is that I was sober and dealing with all the triggers for the first time in 10 years. I’ve been nearly blacked out drunk for every family holiday since I was like 17 or 18.

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176points

#2

I won a large amount of money (high 6 figures). If I tell them they'll demand I give them some

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173points

We contacted the author of the post, Amerisbf, who was kind enough to share more insights about the now-viral thread and provided a glimpse into its genesis.

"When I got the idea for it, I was at work," the Redditor told Bored Panda. "It's a job in the fast-food industry, and I was stationed at the back window. The monotony of the job made me bored out of my mind, so I tried to come up with something that would resonate with people and initiate a conversation."

And they picked a fitting topic for it—we constantly gossip. In fact, a 2019 meta-analysis published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that, on average, people engage in it for 52 minutes.

#3

My sister and father both did ancestry dna testing. Found some new relatives because my dad was adopted. When I mentioned I would do it a well my mother got very defensive and out right mad demanding I swear I won’t do it. I don’t look anything like my dad. Gonna be a wild Xmas this year when I get the results back of my test I did behind everyone’s back.

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158points

#4

I have bought my parents house and their two city apartments. My siblings are unaware of this. Letting my folks live in the house for free and told them to spend the money for things they actually want to do and not leave any inheritance to any of us. My siblings don’t deserve a s**t and I’m fine with them hating me(feeling is mutual) but told my folks to keep it secret for their own sake. Gonna be fun when my parents leave this world, that [drama] is gonna be epic.

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147points

#5

Though they tried for years to convince me my father was the scum of the earth horrible evil person, they were actually the problem and he's a great guy.

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144points

However, we shouldn't vilify the act. According to the research, three-quarters of our gossip is actually neutral. One subject, for example, spoke about someone who was watching a lot of movies to stay current. It's something that comes very naturally to us; an integral part of conversation, information sharing, and even community building.

Just a small portion of our conversations—around 15%—are deemed negative gossip (though positive gossip amounted to an even smaller portion, at only 9%). So, while it is true that we can spend a significant amount of time talking about our peers, oftentimes that chatter is... kinda boring.

#6

I stole the cookie from the cookie jar!

somethingdarkside45, https://www.pexels.com/photo/amicable-family-having-fun-together-5638605//pexels

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137points

#7

My Grandma is absolutely the “Alpha” in the relationship between my Grandparents. They had three sons, and their oldest being my Uncle named “Paul”. There are very few moments that we get to talk to my Grandfather alone due to my Grandma always speaking over him and for him. This one time my Grandma was in the hospital due to a recent surgery. Grandpa was talking to us in the Hallway and so we asked how did they choose the names of our dad (middle child). He explained why, but then told us a secret about how he came up naming their first son. When he just moved to California he fell in love with this one girl, and while their relationship didn’t work out he still had a piece of him that still loved her. Her last name was “Paul” and he liked that name so he named his FIRST BORN SON after her and never told my Grandma about it.

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130points

Not this thread, though. Amerisbf was interested in the juicy stuff, the secrets that could potentially tear families apart. It's interesting to note how a seemingly mundane moment at work led to the creation of a space where people felt compelled to unburden themselves with deeply personal experiences.

"After going through the discussion, I noticed that a few topics have become considerably more popular than the rest," the Redditor said. "They're either of a violent or sexual nature."

Among more than 50,000 research participants Dr. Michael Slepian has surveyed, the most common secrets include a lie we've told (69 percent), romantic desire (61 percent), sex (58 percent), and finances (58 percent).

#8

My girlfriend was in dental school and needed patients. My step dad volunteered and checked the HIV/AIDS box. She asked if it was a mistake and he smiled and said "nope. And you can't tell anyone due to hipaa". Turns out he cheated on my mom back in 2015 and contracted the virus. I still don't know if my mom is positive because if I bring it up he will 100% come after my now wife for her career/money.

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121points

#9

My bio parents don't know that I refer to them as "bio parents" most of the time and that another pair of humans, I consider to be my real parents.

That's what happens when you neglect and emotionally abuse your kid and *lowers glasses at bio Mom* tell me at age 14 you never wanted me.

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114points

#10

My Dad has pretty much been in the closet all his 86 years. Me, my wife and daughter are the only family that knows, and it would be a monumental, epic [drama] with the conservative family if it was known.

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97points

#11

I look like a mixture of my uncle (by marriage) and my mother. I don't have a genetic condition my sister does, even though I definitely should. When I brought this up to my mother she avoided the question.

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96points

#12

So this wouldn't tear my immediate family apart, but it could hurt some people. I have an uncle who is a thieving, sociopathic, narcissistic piece of garbage. Hes almost in his 70s now but has kids peppered all over the country. Who knows how many, but of all the kids we know about, Just one doesn't know she's his daughter. She was adopted and raised by her stepdad and never told any different. She also just so happens to be a teacher at my kids school. It's really weird seeing her everyday and knowing she's my cousin but I can't say anything. And she looks just like him too.

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91points

#13

My sibling and I are the sole heirs of my grandparents. They are not our actual grandparents and never had kids, so no one can dispute their decision. I have lots of cousins.

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83points

#14

My grandpa secretly changed his will that me and my two cousins will get the lion‘s share of his heritage. My father and my aunt, both went no contact with my grandpartents, are only getting the legally required potion.

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79points

#15

Not so much a secret as much as everyone in my family choosing to ignore the obvious.

My grandparents recently passed away- grandmother about two years ago, grandfather less than a year later. When we were putting together the obituary, we noticed that the time span between when they were married and when my mother was born was…. Considerably less than nine months.

The younger generations obviously don’t care, but my parents, aunts, uncles, etc. refuse to acknowledge it, and even went as far as changing their date of marriage in the newspaper obituary.

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76points

#16

My oldest aunt had a baby before her “only child” and gave him up for adoption. I’ve met him, he’s lovely. I’ve tried to tell her, but she has ignored and worked to isolate me from the family.
I’ve kept her secret.
Her husband was in Vietnam when it happened.
It wasn’t his baby.

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70points

#17

Some cousins got their aunt a 23&me for her birthday. The cousins found out their dad and their aunt have different dads.

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64points

#18

I met my blood family when I was around 16. Around 18 I found out that there is a family member with special needs of some kind, although I’m not sure who’s child it is, where they are, or what their exact condition is. However upon me asking about her, after she contacted me via social media, I was simply told “We don’t really talk about her, kind of a family rule.” That’s all I have been and will be told, and I haven’t heard from her or from them about her for years.

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61points

#19

My grandparents cheated on each other at different points in time. The results are that I have an uncle who is a decade younger than me, but they may not be biologically related to me since my grandfather may not be biologically my grandfather. I am the only one who knows this as both have told me and only me

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55points

#20

My mom’s side of the family believes in airing it all out. There’s not a secret than hasn’t been told. However, my dad’s side…my half siblings don’t know that our dad had an affair when he was first married to my sister’s mom and possibly had another child in Germany (where he was stationed) that would be around my sister’s age.

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52points