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#1
Edit: I am now 75. Together with the man of my dreams for 40 years; world travellers over 45 countries and 350 cities. We took Freedom 55 literally and both retires at 55 and started travelling, by ship mostly. Widowed now unfortunately 3 years ago. Man we had fun. A great life. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
#2
I still acted surprised and legit cried (no acting there!) when he did, and was beaming the rest of the day (week, month, year....still today). But I will never tell him I knew beforehand that he was going to do it.
#3
Edit because I keep getting asked the same questions: I was 19. The musical was Les Miserables. I'm European and this was before Brexit so no need for a passport (although I did bring it just in case). I spent under 300 euros of my own savings I got from working part-time in the whole thing. One flight was 22 euros and the other 47. Flights were about three hours.
Edit 2: ok, several people have pointed out you still need a passport? Idk, I've been to the UK twice and don't recall them asking for it but I might have also forgotten that detail if it was a quick seamless checkpoint. I still have that old passport and dug around to doublecheck and confirmed no one stamped it, but I also know they don't always stamp them.
It might seem obvious that everyone keeps secrets, and research has found that nearly 95% of people have kept something hidden about themselves at least once. What’s fascinating is that this behavior seems to start early in development, since children as young as 5 can distinguish between secretive and public information.
Little kids also tend to be more open to folks who share positive information about peers while hiding negative things about them. So it seems we’ve been used to keeping some things off the record from the start, and it’s not something we only learned as adults.
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Even though honesty is the best policy, everyone is entitled to keep some things private. Usually, the secrets folks try to hide most are important parts of their lives that they don’t want getting out. Michael Slepian notes that the most common thing people keep hidden is about harming themselves or others.
People might also be very hush-hush about using substances or having bad habits that they don’t want their friends and family to know about. Folks may also want to hide positive or wholesome experiences, like a crush, surprise gifts or parties, or marriage proposals.
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Once a person has a skeleton in their closet, ideally they should be able to ignore it and move on with their lives. According to Valentina Bianchi, folks think about their secrets about 18-31 times a week and can’t seem to get them out of their minds.
Research shows that, on average, people have 13 things they hide from others, so keeping all that information under wraps can be exhausting. To keep everything secret, people seem to have to actively conceal the truth 6-17 times a week.
#10
Edit:
For people asking how I know this information, the husband is my friend ( not close but still consider him a good friend ) we and the wife have friends in common. They have arranged free days for each other she gets Tuesdays he gets Thursdays. It's been 3 times now that SHE comes to a friend gathering gets a couple of drinks ( 2 or 3 bears so she's not even close to drunk when doing it) and starts crying of how she isn't happy with her guy because she doesn't love him anymore and wants to get out bu can't due to her daughter. 5 people know about this including myself and to my knowledge the husband doesn't know yet.
I have to add: I DO NOT feel comfortable intervening in other people's business if they want to separate or stay together I think that's something they must decide as a couple. I cannot brainwash or suggest someone into being together or separating their spouse it;s not right to me. All I can do is lay down the facts for the other person and let them take their decision.
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I've quit a high-paying job with a strict dresscode. I've lost a relationship with someone who decided it proved my immaturity. I've worn boots to a funeral.
Have you ever been in a situation where you want to share your secret with someone else but stop yourself? Emma Young mentions that in such cases it might help to weigh the pros and cons of opening up to someone. We tend to overestimate how harshly the other person might judge us, which is why we may keep things so hush-hush.
In reality, the other person might not care that much or may not even react strongly to the information. That doesn’t mean that there won’t be consequences or repercussions for bigger skeletons in one’s closet, but it’s possible that the revelation might not warrant as harsh punishment as we expect.
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#14
I had a chance to save a very important friendship, but my pride got in the way. We drifted apart over a petty misunderstanding, and I was waiting for the other person to make the first move. I was so convinced I was right that I couldn't bring myself to text "I'm sorry." We never spoke again.
Now I realize that the minor argument wasn't worth losing a person who was so important to me. It's one of the biggest regrets of my life, and I think about it every single day.
#15
The replies are cracking me up, thanks all.
It seems odd that if secrets are always playing on our minds, we’re still desperately trying to keep them hush-hush. According to Cianna Garrison, folks might do this to protect their ego or how they see themselves. If they truly believe that they are moral, kind, and generous, maybe the hidden information coming to light could ruin that image.
It could also be because folks don’t want to be judged by others and feel that if they let something very personal slip, their friends and family may see them very differently. This intense worry and fear could keep them from exposing secrets that are even decades old that might have nothing to do with who they are today.
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#17
I cannot tell you how liberating it was to finally share something that I couldn't even reveal to my therapist. Now that I am Reddit-outed I've shared the news with my husband, best friend, and therapist.
What did I learn? That they suspected my condition all along. And are unconditionally supportive.
#18
E: uh, wow, I wasn't expecting this kind of reaction. Just wanted to share. Thank y'all so much.
Keeping secrets doesn’t just affect our mental health; it can also have a physical impact as well, and a study found that folks who were keeping their fatal disease hidden experienced faster progression of their symptoms and lost their liver sooner. This shows that hiding a part of yourself isn’t just troublesome; it can eat you up from the inside.
It might also tie into the idea that people who keep secrets often feel alone, with nobody to confide in. This feeling of being unsupported could take a toll on a person’s mental health, and even lead to depression and anxiety in the long run.
#19
