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45 Jokes That People With Different Jobs Don’t Want To Hear Anymore
JokesSEP 27, 2019

45 Jokes That People With Different Jobs Don’t Want To Hear Anymore

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There’s no perfect job. Every single occupation, no matter how fascinating, glamorous or well-paying, has certain downsides. But sometimes, that downside is rather unexpected — humor!
Whatever job you might have, you’re bound to have heard at least one incredibly bad dad joke related to your occupation. Maybe the first time you heard one of these jokes, you actually rolled on the floor laughing. The second time, you laughed out loud but no more than that. The third time, you chuckled. The fourth time, you smiled. But after hearing the same joke for the fifth time, all the joy and wonder was most likely gone from you by that point. And the same jokes just keep on coming.
So here is a list of the best silly jokes that people in different professions are absolutely sick of hearing. Upvotes your faves, share with your friends, and keep on scrolling. Oh, and we’d be delighted to know if you’ve heard any corny, cheesy or dad-like jokes related to your job — so share your experience with everyone somewhere in the comments!

#1

I recently went through US Customs and the officer asked me the standard "do you have cash more than $10,000 on you?" question.
I responded: "I wish! HURHURHUR"
Her response: "If I had a penny for everyone who cracked that joke in front of me, I'd have the $10,000 by now"
...I totally deserved that.
176points

#2

I'm a veterinarian. Some clients do actually say "if you really loved animals, you'll treat them for free right?"
Report
115points

#3

Selling lottery tickets. Im like what numbers would you like? Everyone be like “the winning ones”.
Bruh
115points

Bored Panda talked to HaiKarateAquaVelva, who asked Redditors worldwide for their annoying job joke stories. Their thread was so popular, it got over 69,200 upvotes and more than 26,600 comments in just over a day.

“I made the post because at my job, I regularly get a lot of the same types of comments over and over from folks who surely think they're being witty, funny, original, and oh-so-clever… not!”

“This is all harmless of course, and I don't mind it one bit. Even after hearing the same couple jokes/comments for the 823rd time. I've been guilty of doing the same thing more times than I can remember, I'm sure,” HaiKarateAquaVelva noted.

“But I figured there are other job positions that get the same kinda deal. Since my job is a bit unconventional and probably wouldn't resonate with a lot of people if I cited my own experiences, I chose to go with another, more relatable profession, thus the "It didn't scan..." scenario.”

HaikarateAquaVelva, who mentioned that they are a Bored Panda fan, said that they didn’t expect their thread would get so much attention: “But the post I made came from nothing more than a fleeting thought, and I never expected such attention from what was only a whimsical curiosity. It was cool to read through so many responses and having a laugh or two.”

#4

Mail carrier here. "You can keep the bills !" hur hur hur
112points

#5

Cake decorator here- people would come pick up their orders and jokingly tell me I spelled the name on the cake incorrectly. They would watch me get upset with myself and offer to fix it, then tell me they were just kidding.
109points

#6

“I just want a BLACK. COFFEE. None of this crap-u-she-no chocolate unicorn frap-aye glitter [crap]. Just a medium black COFFEE. I don’t care what size you call it but whatever’s MEDIUM I want THAT” Like ok u could also try “medium black coffee please”...
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96points

Since starting my job as a writer at Bored Panda, I’ve heard variations of three dad jokes related to my occupation. People tend to ask me if I write about pandas all day. Furthermore, they ask me if I’m bored at my job. And lastly, they wonder if we have any pet pandas at the office. The answers to those, in order, are: No, but I write about cats and dogs a lot; I’m having too much fun to be bored; and we don’t have any pandas (yet), but we’ve got doggos! In fact, there’s a huge dog right next to me at the time of writing, and it’s awesome.

Now, I actually enjoy hearing corny jokes like these. But I appreciate that people working different jobs eventually run out of patience. Like customs workers who keep on hearing ‘I wish’ when they ask people if they have more than 10,000 dollars cash on them. Or repairmen who hear ‘do I get a new one’ when they can’t fix a small problem on a client’s computer. And we can’t forget about nurses who take your blood and are absolutely exasperated after being called a ‘vampire’ for the thousandth time.

#7

the lady that draws my blood said that she was tired of people calling her a "Vampire"
94points

#8

I'm obligated to ask those visiting my work place if they have any weapons to declare.
"Just these guns!" flex
92points

#9

I work in a call center. I have to ask "was there anything else I could help you with" at the end of the call.
-"Yes bring me a coffee with that"
-"make the sun shine again"
-"got the winning lottery numbers?"
-"yeah. What's your number you have a sexy voice"
I just ignore them now and wish them a good day
90points

Humor is one of the best things in the entire world because it helps us relax, increases our lifespan, helps us bond with other people, allows us to see the world in a different light, and helps us stop taking both ourselves and life far too seriously.

#10

I’m in the military. “Thank you for my freedom.” While I appreciate the sentiment, I guarantee I have done literally nothing to protect your freedom. You do that all by yourself by voting.
If you want to thank me for your safety, I’ll accept that. Safety and freedom are not the same thing.
90points

#11

"Giving out any free samples today?"
Sir, if I did that, it's a bank robbery.
Report
88points

#12

I do commissions.
“Can you draw a headshot of my dog in color”
“Yeah sure it’ll be 6$ (I do really cheap commissions because it’s my hobby)”
“Oh you want me to pay!? I thought you liked to draw?”
“I do like to draw but it’s no different than buying a cake from a bakery, the shop owner likes to bake but the materials cost them money and we’d like to get some of that money back”
“Ugh never mind I don’t want to pay to get a drawing of my dog” It’s happened at least 6 times in the two years I’ve been doing this
87points

However, humor in modern times is no longer free from intense scrutiny, as some individuals believe that the freedom of expression doesn’t extend to stand-up comedy, for fear of somebody being insulted. Louis CK, Dave Chappelle, and Bill Burr are examples of legendary comedians who have spent their entire lives poking fun at society, injustice, and hypocrisy, wherever these might be found. And yet, they have received a large amount of criticism for some of the jokes they made recently because they drew attention to some uncomfortable details about living in the 21st century. Whether you enjoy these comedians or think that their humor is crass, wouldn’t you say that the freedom to express your thoughts on stage is important to protect?

#13

As a church musician, I've heard things like:
"How does it feel to have the largest organ in town?"
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85points

#14

"So, what's the matter with you?"
"You tell me, you're the doctor!"
Report
83points

#15

I'm a psychologist, not a mind reader. You can relax when you talk to me when I'm off duty : I don't want to figure you out. Quite frankly I don't care. You do have a problem with your mother tough.
83points

Stand-up comedy on stage is one thing, but offensive jokes at the office can be a big no-no, depending on company rules. If you’re ever in a situation where a colleague tells a completely inappropriate joke, then there are several things that you can do.

#16

Well my child is only failing Because you are a bad teacher. Not Because he refuses to study and does not pay attention in school
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82points

#17

Not a profession, but it kind of relates to this.When people who don't need glasses ask to try out my glasses and ask how I can see with them.
Report
80points

#18

As a cop, I’d say the most common one I get is: I didn’t do it man!
Bro chill, I’m just trying to buy a red bull and some donuts..
Report
80points

According to Small Business, you can ask your co-worker to explain the joke to you, so that they understand why it might be inappropriate. Then, if your colleague doesn’t get it, straight-up tell them in a calm, collected manner that you think what they said was offensive. You can also refuse to laugh at similar jokes.

#19

Vet tech here. Whenever I take a patient’s temperature:
“Aren’t you going to at least buy her dinner first?”
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72points

#20

I'm in ultrasound. We do a hell of a lot more than just scanning pregnant people, but we get a lot of people who ask, "Is it a boy or a girl? HAHAHA" during abdominal and vascular studies.
70points
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