#1
#2
I've no doubt that she could. She could also do much worse.
We divorced after she cheated with a childhood love. He would be everything she ever wanted - a lot younger than me, muscles, a man's man, exciting. He romanced her and those happy and addictive chemicals that all sexual relationships experience in the beginning were causing her to feel alive again.
I can understand that. She'd had four children with me and I was just Mr Reliable. That's nowhere near enough when you spend your days on social media and give ear to wicked people. She was missing out.
Well, I was missing out as well. But I took the incessant criticism from her and her mother. I took the false accusations and comparisons with real men. I turned away those women who would destroy my marriage without conscience.
This man she's with now?
The chemicals have gone. The lust has gone. The excitement has gone. The ILLUSION has gone.
Police are regularly at their house. She's since cheated on him with others (she told me this) and thrown it in his face. It's a mess and her mother hates the man she left me for, though that's no surprise. I've met him and he's a decent enough sort. My ex-wife would have lied to him about our relationship - she's highly narcissistic.
Our family was torn apart for an illusion. Please don't be deceived by your imagination or any other source. Talk to your husband. Talk with your husband.
This isn't Hollywood. This is real life.
#3
Your kids are no.1 before you. You owe them as much stability as you can give because people in this world will try and harm their progress when they are older so they don’t need the bs of a broken home.
If this guy is so great why can’t he be loyal to his wife and kids? If he’s not loyal to his kids he won’t do it for you.
Having a crush at work or even a full-blown workplace romance is way more common than you might think. Sure, it might be an HR nightmare, but it happens all the time. According to a Forbes study, over 60% of adults have had a workplace romance. So, if you’ve ever found yourself blushing at a Slack message or enjoying inside jokes a little too much, you’re definitely not alone.
So, why does this happen? Comfort and convenience play a huge role. When you’re spending most of your day with the same people, it’s natural to form close connections. Plus, with busy schedules and little time to meet new people outside of work, colleagues often become the most accessible option for companionship. A shared workplace experience creates a bond, even if it’s just friendly or professional.
#4
#5
If your partner is giving you 80% and that 20% is what you’re craving, think critically and understand that you will be left with 0% when it’s all said and done.
#6
I would say the same thing about your workplace crush-- it's not that the person isn't attractive, but the crush is not really all about them. It's about your work and the rest of your place where you may be feeling cramped or not alive. So don't try to get a "silly" crush "out of your system"-- your body and mind are telling you something worth hearing. It of course does not mean acting further on it, either. But don't shame yourself. Sit with it.
When I was able to figure out that lobby moment I shared it with my wife, and it was something to bond over (because we could both relate to that impulse while having enough distance to know that wasn't our deepest feeling). Crushes are fun as what they are-- just crushes-- and only turn toxic when they represent a fantasy escape, a reason for deception, and ongoing shame.
On the flip side, workplace crushes aren’t always just fleeting distractions—sometimes, they lead to something real. In fact, people are more likely to meet their future spouse at work than on a dating app.
The Forbes study found that 43% of people who date a coworker end up marrying them. So, statistically speaking, you’re twice as likely to marry someone from your office than from Tinder or Bumble. Who knew the break room could be a better matchmaking service than an algorithm?
#7
#8
#9
But if you’re already married and find yourself crushing on a coworker, things get tricky fast. That’s when it’s time to take a step back and figure out what’s really going on. While a harmless attraction is normal, letting it grow unchecked could lead to emotional complications you don’t want or need in your life.
#10
Easy to not give in to temptation when you realize the thing tempting you doesn’t even exist and that the cost to get it is your entire life you’ve built over multiple decades.
excessive-pooping:
Yes. And even on the lust-front it's a fantasy. I had a work crush and we kissed, then it became a looong firtation and foreplay situation. When it finally happened, it was disappointing and not at all what it built up to be. He was not attentive, not a good kisser, not a good lover, and not very passionate. It was a few months of pingponging between lust and reality before it actually hit me and I could see it more clearly. It helped to repeat this in your head over and over and to separate facts from fiction. It's just blind desire. But it takes time to get over it, I will give ya that.
What also helps to stop obsessing: set boundaries in your head when you're allowed to think about it, keep to them, stay busy and focus on your own life.
#11
PS: That goes for him in the reverse too...Re: You.
#12
Bring back real intimacy to your marriage and you will never have these thoughts.
Good luck.
Psychologist Mert Şeker, in an article for Mariage, explains, “Developing feelings for someone else while married is not rare and can happen to anyone. Marriage, involving both emotional and physical bonds, can sometimes face turbulence due to various factors."
"Such external emotional attachments often highlight unmet needs or deficiencies in the marriage, offering a chance to address and resolve these issues within the marital relationship.” In other words, if you’re catching feelings, it might be worth checking in on your own relationship, too.
#13
"We need to keep this more professional, we are both married"
I find works quite well.
#14
#15
That said, if you find yourself crushing, don’t be too hard on yourself. Having a little attraction to someone new doesn’t mean your marriage is in trouble. Sometimes, a crush is just a passing phase—the more time you spend around someone, the more normal they start to feel, and the spark naturally fades.
The key is to reflect on how you feel. If the crush disappears on its own, great! If it sticks around and starts taking up too much mental space, it might be time to come up with a game plan.
#16
Also, put as much physical and social distance between you as you can.
#17
- Find things you dislike about him and get worked up about it more than you'd usually do. Actively destroy the idea you have of him in your head.
#18
The first step to handling a work crush is to acknowledge your feelings. Be honest with yourself about what’s happening instead of brushing it aside. Recognizing the situation for what it is can help prevent it from growing into something more than just a passing attraction.