42 Pieces Of Wise, Funny, And Naughty Advice From Grandparents

"My grandmother always told me, 'It's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man.'"

"When I was little, I was told to never ever sit on a hardwood/tile/non-carpeted floor because it will ruin your lady bits and you won't be able to make bebbies. I think she meant because it's cold, but I have a degree in biology now and still don't really understand what the hell she was talking about."

"My grandparents gave each of their grandkids money for college. Not a fortune, just a few hundred dollars a year to buy a couple books.

So I'm over my grandparents to get said money and my grandmother leaves the room to get her chequebook.

My grandfather motions me over and says, "Don't make it with any Catholic girls because they don't use birth control." Nevermind the fact that we're Catholic..."

"I was playing with flashlights at my grandfather's and he told me, 'Stop spilling my milk.' He iterated further by saying, 'Batteries are like milk. if you waste all your milk now you won't have any left for cereal later.'"

"Make sure to marry someone that loves you more than you love them."

"My grandma warned me that boys "make a tent" in bed every morning. Thanks, Gramma."

LuLeeJulie said:
"My Aunt Carol never threw food out. Expiration dates had no meaning to her. She always said, "Waste not, want not."'

Cornflower07 replied:
"My grandma is like this. 6 months past it's expiration date? "Oh, those don't mean anything anyway!" Covered in mold? "Just scrape it off!" Already in the trashcan? "Why did you throw that away?" And then she'll pick it up and eat it. I'm shocked she hasn't gotten botulism by now."

"Wait until you are pregnant...

Some favourites have been:

Don't lift your arms above your head you will hang the baby with the cord;

Don't lay on your back, or you will die;

Drink milk so you can breastfeed (pretty sure that's not how it works); and

Don't poke your belly button you can poke your babies soft spot in their skull and they will die."

"My grandma used to tell me that if I didn't moisturize my elbows, boys wouldn't think I was pretty. I still make sure to lotion them down every night before I go to bed so I won't have 'elephant skin.'"

"My grandmother told me and my sister "Eating honey will make you're b**bs bigger" when we were kids. Well, my sister loved honey, and me, not so much. My sister is a C-cup and I am an A-cup. damnit."

"I worked at PetSmart and was helping an old lady lift a heavy bag of cat litter into her car. She asked for a male to help her, but we were a female dominated store and no guys were working that day. She told me she preferred a guy to help, because my uterus could fall out from lifting heavy things."

"No matter how short a guy is, he can always stand on his wallet."

"Always have your own money and pretend the snakes are on it."

"'If your bird touches the urinal, it will fall off.' - my grandfather

It took a while to shake the anxiety from peeing."

"Grandma: "Don't lick the yogurt cover, you'll cut yourself!"

It was a plastic cover."

"Catch the ladybug, make a wish, and blow them to freedom."

"Chew your milk! I once choked on a grape when I was with my grandparents (thank goodness my mom had just shown up to pick us up, because my grandparents' reaction was literally just FREAKING OUT AND RUNNING AROUND).
Ever since then, I'd been told to chew my milk/water/liquid/everything. I feel like fake-chewing water is more likely to cause choking than just drinking it."

"Turn up the corners of your mouth ― even though it hurts."

"If you want to be happy the rest of your life, marry an ugly woman.

She'll never leave you. And if she does, so what.

He also said 'You can marry more money in five minutes than you can earn in a lifetime.'"

"My husband's grandfather told us to never befriend any couples, because one wife will run off with the other husband and leave the other two sad and lonely. We live with married housemates, I wonder what he thinks about us now..."